Daughter is in rehab again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: hillsborough nj
Posts: 30
Daughter is in rehab again
Hi, My name is Joanne and I am rhe mother of an 18 year old Heroin addict. I am new to this board, so if you find me rambling bear with me. Sadly my story is probably not uncommon. My daughter started using Heroin when she was 15. Horrified as I was I was definitely in denial and I think I still am partially. I am your classic enabler. Kristina was a beautiful extremely intelligent caring and sweet girl, until the monster of addiction took over. Her addiction has become progressively worse over 3 years. She was in rehabs 3 times only to continually
fall. Now she is finally in another rehab to detox and hopefully for a month.(thats all the ins. co will pay) I pray to god this is the stepping stone for her to be on her way to everlasting recovery. I am terrified, she is going to end up in jail or dead.
I don't know where or who my daughter is anymore. She has stolen our credt cards repeatedly,money,my debit card so I had all kinds of bounced checks and hocked all of my jewelry, some of her older sister's and even special pieces that
were my mother's when she pased away 11 months ago.
I am sorry I am rambling, but my biggest fear 1st is wheather this is going to be it or not and when she gets out, how to keep her away from her actively using boyfriend who by the way is 29 years old, which is ridiculous, but you can't convince her of that.
My husband and I are so tired of going through all of this, we are just at wits end.
I have cried a thousand tears. Does anyone have any feedback for me?
Thanks,
Joanne
fall. Now she is finally in another rehab to detox and hopefully for a month.(thats all the ins. co will pay) I pray to god this is the stepping stone for her to be on her way to everlasting recovery. I am terrified, she is going to end up in jail or dead.
I don't know where or who my daughter is anymore. She has stolen our credt cards repeatedly,money,my debit card so I had all kinds of bounced checks and hocked all of my jewelry, some of her older sister's and even special pieces that
were my mother's when she pased away 11 months ago.
I am sorry I am rambling, but my biggest fear 1st is wheather this is going to be it or not and when she gets out, how to keep her away from her actively using boyfriend who by the way is 29 years old, which is ridiculous, but you can't convince her of that.
My husband and I are so tired of going through all of this, we are just at wits end.
I have cried a thousand tears. Does anyone have any feedback for me?
Thanks,
Joanne
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Welcome to SR. Another mom here of a heroin addicted daughter, age 21. Mine is with a 37 year old crack addict that supplies all her drugs. I have learned through a lot of pain that there is nothing you can say or do to change what your daughter is going to do. Letting go and taking care of you is your responsibility. Whether your daughter gets and stays clean is hers. I know it is hard to do. I know that it takes time to get there, but stick around because this forum can be and is a life saver. I know that it helped save mine. Hugs, Marle
krhea75
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: macomb, il
Posts: 644
Joanne,
Sorry for your pain. My 17-year-old son is my addict. He started when he was 13, has been to rehab 5 times, is now at an oxford house, working a program. But I don't fool myself; he could fall at any moment. I can relate with the tears and pain, but it is now time to start stepping back. They call it detaching here. Believe it or not, this will not only save your life, but it is the best thing for your daughter. I wish i could be there to give you a big mom hug.
krhea
Sorry for your pain. My 17-year-old son is my addict. He started when he was 13, has been to rehab 5 times, is now at an oxford house, working a program. But I don't fool myself; he could fall at any moment. I can relate with the tears and pain, but it is now time to start stepping back. They call it detaching here. Believe it or not, this will not only save your life, but it is the best thing for your daughter. I wish i could be there to give you a big mom hug.
krhea
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: homebased
Posts: 408
Welcome to SR...
I am sorry for the pain you are going through
you will find many here who are traveling on a similar path...
I too am the parent of an addict and know how difficult the journey is...
our family faced many of the same things you describe (missing jewelry, money, valuables...)
as parents, we tried everything including fighting insurance companies for extended stays in rehab and eventually paying out of pocket for facilities
nothing worked until my son was willing to face his addiction and that didn't happen until we stopped enabling him...
there is no way to predict when or how the awakening will come (or sadly even if it will come) but until it does the only thing you can do is focus on your
well-being...I know how hard that is.....in early recovery someone told me if I couldn't do it for myself I should do it so I would be healthy and able to enjoy my son's recovery if /when it happened
my son has been living in a sober house for a year and a half...clean, sober and reclaiming his life
miracles do happen
never give up hope
I am sorry for the pain you are going through
you will find many here who are traveling on a similar path...
I too am the parent of an addict and know how difficult the journey is...
our family faced many of the same things you describe (missing jewelry, money, valuables...)
as parents, we tried everything including fighting insurance companies for extended stays in rehab and eventually paying out of pocket for facilities
nothing worked until my son was willing to face his addiction and that didn't happen until we stopped enabling him...
there is no way to predict when or how the awakening will come (or sadly even if it will come) but until it does the only thing you can do is focus on your
well-being...I know how hard that is.....in early recovery someone told me if I couldn't do it for myself I should do it so I would be healthy and able to enjoy my son's recovery if /when it happened
my son has been living in a sober house for a year and a half...clean, sober and reclaiming his life
miracles do happen
never give up hope
StrivingToThrive
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: san diego, ca
Posts: 425
Hi SAH,
My reason for coming here was my Addicted son. I am new here also, I found this site a couple of months ago, about the same time as I found Al-anon and Nar-Anon. Without them I think I would be crazy by now. They talk a lot about an addict's desire to end their life, but I remember a time, before I found these places, where I didn't feel a reason to be. That's how crazy, scared,stressed, and anguished I felt. I am now finding peace, and feel a little more in control of my life.This site and those meetings are becoming my safe places. I am slowly trying everything I learn and keeping it in my head for times when my AS's troubles start to become mine again. My prayers are with you.
My reason for coming here was my Addicted son. I am new here also, I found this site a couple of months ago, about the same time as I found Al-anon and Nar-Anon. Without them I think I would be crazy by now. They talk a lot about an addict's desire to end their life, but I remember a time, before I found these places, where I didn't feel a reason to be. That's how crazy, scared,stressed, and anguished I felt. I am now finding peace, and feel a little more in control of my life.This site and those meetings are becoming my safe places. I am slowly trying everything I learn and keeping it in my head for times when my AS's troubles start to become mine again. My prayers are with you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: hillsborough nj
Posts: 30
Thanx to all of you for your kind words and support.
Sadly my addict daughter called earlier from rehab (2nd day) and was only upset because she can't talk to her 29 year old addict BF.
I sit here with a very heavy heart and pray for her. After 3 yrs I am still trying to fix her and cannot let go!!!
Sadly my addict daughter called earlier from rehab (2nd day) and was only upset because she can't talk to her 29 year old addict BF.
I sit here with a very heavy heart and pray for her. After 3 yrs I am still trying to fix her and cannot let go!!!
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
((((Joanne)))))
Welcome, i am glad you found SR. My beautiful bright and talented daughter was a heroin addict too. I didn't even know that heroin was around our area...that's how naive I was. Addiction is so hard to battle and with our young kids, I think a big part after rehab is changing people places and things. My personal opinion in terms of her chances, is that if there is any way to not have her come back home after rehab and transition via a halfway house, it gives more of a fighting chance. Early recovery is so hard and with opiates I think the longer the brain has time to start getting back to normal in a fairly controlled environment, the better. And the more she is responsible for her own actions and consequences, the better as well. Sadly, many of us parents breath a sigh of relief when our addicted children are arrested because at least then they are safe.
I hope you will read and post here, learn all you can about addiction and our part in the dance. Learn about setting boundaries...Yes she will do what she will do, but you do not have to accept and support her poor choices. Please try to make a commitment to attend Naranon or Alanon meetings - especially now while she is away. The more tools you can acquire to help yourself, the better you will feel and the less you will enable her disease. Hugs and prayers.
Welcome, i am glad you found SR. My beautiful bright and talented daughter was a heroin addict too. I didn't even know that heroin was around our area...that's how naive I was. Addiction is so hard to battle and with our young kids, I think a big part after rehab is changing people places and things. My personal opinion in terms of her chances, is that if there is any way to not have her come back home after rehab and transition via a halfway house, it gives more of a fighting chance. Early recovery is so hard and with opiates I think the longer the brain has time to start getting back to normal in a fairly controlled environment, the better. And the more she is responsible for her own actions and consequences, the better as well. Sadly, many of us parents breath a sigh of relief when our addicted children are arrested because at least then they are safe.
I hope you will read and post here, learn all you can about addiction and our part in the dance. Learn about setting boundaries...Yes she will do what she will do, but you do not have to accept and support her poor choices. Please try to make a commitment to attend Naranon or Alanon meetings - especially now while she is away. The more tools you can acquire to help yourself, the better you will feel and the less you will enable her disease. Hugs and prayers.
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
I just noticed you are in Jersey...This may help:
http://naranonofnj.org/Meeting_List.htm
Naranon New Jersey HOTLINE Numbers
877-424-4491 or
800-238-2333
Also, Carrier in Skillman has a very good weekend program for family members...It is free and open to the community; your loved one does not have to be a patient there. I found it very helpful in learning about the changes I had to work on in me in order to stop my part in the disease of addiction.
http://naranonofnj.org/Meeting_List.htm
Naranon New Jersey HOTLINE Numbers
877-424-4491 or
800-238-2333
Also, Carrier in Skillman has a very good weekend program for family members...It is free and open to the community; your loved one does not have to be a patient there. I found it very helpful in learning about the changes I had to work on in me in order to stop my part in the disease of addiction.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 285
Welcome to Sr. My 22 year old son is a recovering opiate addict. Recovering for the 4th or 5th time, but whose counting. It really does tear at your heart, but all we can really do is just try to take care of ourselves, and pray that this time clean will last.
Hugs to you and your family.
Hugs to you and your family.
remember to breathe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
Hi and welcome,
I'm the mother of a 22 yr old heroin addict, he started when he was 17. He is on again off again as far as recovery goes.
Read ..... knowledge is power, the more you learn the more you can deal or bear with. Taking care of yourself is very important. There are alot of very wise people here who can guide you and support you. You're not alone!!
Good luck
I'm the mother of a 22 yr old heroin addict, he started when he was 17. He is on again off again as far as recovery goes.
Read ..... knowledge is power, the more you learn the more you can deal or bear with. Taking care of yourself is very important. There are alot of very wise people here who can guide you and support you. You're not alone!!
Good luck
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: dallas texas
Posts: 1,629
Mother, 23 yo AD. All of the above! It does get easier when you put the focus and energy on you! She will do what she does, you can not fix her, beg, plead, or cry enough. It doesn't work. When you change you things around you begin to change!
3C's
Prayers for your AD and another mom,
love,
susan
3C's
Prayers for your AD and another mom,
love,
susan
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Sickatheart -
For what it's worth, 3 weeks after I got locked up I was only concerned about where my ABF was (getting high). Granted, rehab and jail are 2 totally different places with different purposes....I just want to point out that it took a while for the mental part of my addiction to even start to clear.
Four months later, I was on my way to recovery. I pray your daughter finds here way there, too. Take care of you, okay?
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
For what it's worth, 3 weeks after I got locked up I was only concerned about where my ABF was (getting high). Granted, rehab and jail are 2 totally different places with different purposes....I just want to point out that it took a while for the mental part of my addiction to even start to clear.
Four months later, I was on my way to recovery. I pray your daughter finds here way there, too. Take care of you, okay?
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: NC
Posts: 3
My daughter, too
I found this board last night. My 35 yo daughter, mother of 3, has given up her 14 yrs of alcoholic sobriety to begin a new addiction: presciption drugs. Her husband, also a member of AA, starting unraveling her mess, and it is a really good one. The family is hanging together for the kids and her DH. We are all taking turns to keep the children from being alone with her. DH took car keys and money access, but is otherwise letting her "stew". I just need to be reminded that I really can't do anything but pray. I am just sad. She made it for so long!!
Not a bad place to be....
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: LOUISIANA
Posts: 179
Welcome to SR.....I'm so sorry to hear of your pain and I see that there have been a lot of good posts above me, and I have to agree with some that Alanon or Naranon may save your sanity and help you to learn to deal with this. It saved mine, but didn't happen overnight. I sat through meetings for a solid year, crying and couldn't speak until I finally got some of the peace and sanity that everyone refers to in the meetings. It helped me to understand the part that I played and what I had to do to help myself to be the happy person that I used to be. Hugs and prayers coming your way!
Karen
Karen
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
Sickatheart,
Lots of hugs coming your way. and a big welcome to Sober Recovery.
I landed here trying to find help for my addict son, and found help for ME, instead.
(it's a good thing
..)
I am the mom of 2 addict sons, one is 29, the other 34, both are sober for today, and it has been a long road of relapses, prison, court ordered rehabs, etc.
As for trying to separate your daughter from the ABF, I think that's a losing battle.
Sometimes, us parents, unfortunately, have to let go, and let our addicts make their journey without our help. It's the hardest thing we can do. We need to help someone who we truly CAN help, and that would be us.
Kick off your shoes and get comfy, we're all here for you...
Hugs,
Lots of hugs coming your way. and a big welcome to Sober Recovery.
I landed here trying to find help for my addict son, and found help for ME, instead.
(it's a good thing
..)I am the mom of 2 addict sons, one is 29, the other 34, both are sober for today, and it has been a long road of relapses, prison, court ordered rehabs, etc.
As for trying to separate your daughter from the ABF, I think that's a losing battle.
Sometimes, us parents, unfortunately, have to let go, and let our addicts make their journey without our help. It's the hardest thing we can do. We need to help someone who we truly CAN help, and that would be us.
Kick off your shoes and get comfy, we're all here for you...
Hugs,
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
welcome to S.R. i too am the mother of an addict,my baby boy he has been on drugs for 19yrs. i know how u feel. it was really hard to let go but by the grace of God i have. after paying for rehab after rehab., lawyers,bails & ect. none of that helped & he is still using. we can not control our children no matter how hard we try.they will use if they want to.we can not love them enough to stop them. this site & the caring people here saved my sanity. i will pray for your daughter & hope she finds her way.keep comng back here & let us know how u r doing.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: phoenix arizona
Posts: 741
My sister has relapsed, too and my parents, especially my mom has expressed your thoughts and feelings. You are never alone here! My thoughts and prayers are with you as we try to take care of ourselves during this difficult time!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: tn
Posts: 663
welcome to SR. Keep reading and posting.
I have to agree with Moose about getting your daughter away from the boyfriend. My daughter 21yr is now married to a 41yr old. Both ?recoverying? addicts. One of herion the other of cocaine. I learned she has to make her own decisions and suffer the consequences from them if she is ever going to "get it". Believe me, I know how hard it is to watch your daughter make bad decisions, but if we try try interfere, then she will blame us for the outcome.
Sending more mom hugs your way. I will never give up hope that one day my daughter and I will have a decent relationship; it just will take more time than I want it to. I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers.
Hugs
Terri
I have to agree with Moose about getting your daughter away from the boyfriend. My daughter 21yr is now married to a 41yr old. Both ?recoverying? addicts. One of herion the other of cocaine. I learned she has to make her own decisions and suffer the consequences from them if she is ever going to "get it". Believe me, I know how hard it is to watch your daughter make bad decisions, but if we try try interfere, then she will blame us for the outcome.
Sending more mom hugs your way. I will never give up hope that one day my daughter and I will have a decent relationship; it just will take more time than I want it to. I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers.
Hugs
Terri
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: on the lake
Posts: 335
Welcome, my addict is my 20 year old son. Weve done the whole rehab, counseling, jail, stealing, lying thing just like you. He was also involved witha 15yr old agf. We wanted deperately for that to end and guess what? It didn't/doesn't matter what we want for him. Its what he wants for himself. The hardest thing for us and many parents here is getting out of his way so he can really learn for himself "what he wants and needs". The hardest thing for me to grasp when I first came here was detaching with love. Everyone here told me, I just couldn't believe a parent was supposed to do that. We finally did and today, maybe only today he is working a program or at least he supposed to be. Once again thats up to him, isn't it?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: NC
Posts: 3
Does anyone have any experience with the children of an addicted grown child? My grandchildren are 2, 4 and 6. I feel "guilty" taking them away from their mom (my DD) during the day until their dad gets home to watch them safely.
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