sherryb1010

I feel like I'm the one who has to be in charge of everything. Especially after my dad died suddenly with leukemia. My mom was diagnosed bipolar shortly after that, and has been committed three times. She can't handle her personal business like balancing a checkbook, picking out her insurance options at work, etc. (I think she's worse than most bipolar people because she has schizophrenic episodes sometimes).

Then there's my grandmother, who has alzheimer's. Well, since my mom and my sister can't help me with my grandmother, I'm left to deal with her affairs. I'm almost out of money and will have to find a nursing home instead of paying a sitter.

All the while, I've got this problem with my husband's addiction. I'm just now learning about codependency. But on the issues with my mom and my grandmother, I don't feel like I have the option to just say "no" to helping with those things.

Thanks for letting me vent...

PaperDolls

I can relate.

You should check out this forum:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...holic-parents/

These two posts as well:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-children.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...self-test.html

It sounds like you've got a lot on your plate.
Take care of you!

TrishaV

Wow....you do have your hands full...bless your heart. I know that it is up to the children to help take care of their elderly family members but when is enough-enough for one person. I too have the responsibility of caring for my mother who is an alcholic...and...i have had this role for 9 years now. My mother is a wonderful person when she isn't drinking (between the hours of 8 AM and Noon) but after that she makes life unbarable. I have two brothers and a sister who never offer any help unless they get something from helping her. It just makes me so angry!! My mother lives in my home while my oldest brother is living in her home. She can't go back there because her and my sister-in-law doesn't get along. It is just a messed up situation...it isn't bad enough we have to deal our own problems (addicts) but it appears that we need to incorporate others.

rahsue

And I thought I had it bad....
My father died and six weeks later my brother died (overdose) which left my (blind) mother my sister and myself. I am the youngest and I too had to deal with any and all matters. My sister ( the oldest) was useless. My mother eventually developed alzhiemers and came to live with me. Then of course came the addict in my life.

I know how you feel, sometimes we can feel so sorry for ourselves it begins to feel unbearable. Yet we hold on and get on with it. Are we the rocks? Sometimes I think we're the door mat. We all do what we can and we have this incredible ability to take on whatever others can push at us. I guess I'll consider myself a rock (just for today!)

Momsrainbow

Rock in the family? I feel like the one that has been kicked and kicked. Or better yet one that someone threw in the lake to skip the rock. I moved here 20 yrs. ago-to help mom take care of gram and gramps. Mom and gram placed gramps in a nursing home 2 yrs. after I moved, he died at age 99. Mom died in 1999. My "gentleman friend" who moved here with me retired and died from lung cancer in 2001. Gram is still going strong at 104. My cousin lives across the US and never comes to visit-although she could well afford it. My daughters are too busy to visit. So, here we are in this great state-we live in seperate houses but yards meet. My best friend the policeman has been of so much help in the last few years helping with gram when we need him. As for her finances, everything is in a trust-she does not have to worry about anything-although she does. The trust invests her $$ and pays her bills, otherwise she would think someone is "taking" her money. Then AH over the last few years, especially recently-well stress does hit. 99% worrying about gram and trying to get my home back in order. AH is still gone-somewhere-which is fine with me. His problems are his-he will not drag me into any of it. NOT EVER!!!!!!! Absence does not make the heart fonder-makes the heart and mind stronger. Enjoying life again-friends and neighbor come to visit and life is getting better almost every day. Guess I am from the "old school". Family helped raise me even during my difficult periods, the least we can all do is try to help them when they truly need and deserve it. I really think that my policeman friend and I would resent anyone trying to help (although that has yet to happen-other than my girlfriend helping shop once in a while) we are very protective of gram. We just all do what we "gotta do".

Ann

Codependent behaviour includes doing for someone that which they can and should be doing for themselves.

Your mom and grandma are sick and need help, that's just kindness and love that you are giving there.

You are however, overloading your plate and you might want to look at other support and help that may be available. The Alzheimer's Society has volunteers who will help caregivers grab a break. Reach out and ask them and I'll bet you can find a little more time for you and to rest.

Hugs

kelsh

My Mom died in 1996 & Dad died in 2000. My brother sold his house and moved in to help Dad. He not only spent all of his profit from his home but was spending Dad's money secretly besides what Dad gave him.

At first I didn't know my brother had started drinking again and was also using drugs. It was so disgusting to me that he took money from Dad...the Safety Deposit Box had $20,000 in it and it was gone. My brother was 58 and I was 60 when Dad died.

My brother did good taking care of Dad most of the time. Dad had two heart attacks, and his heart wasn't pumping right...with one side of the heart beating faster than the other side. He was in ICU when I was called and they had no idea he had had heart attacks. This apparently came across as Beginning Alzheimers's but really his behaviors were from not enough oxygen getting to his brain.

My brother did everything by phone because he couldn't stand to go see Dad unless he had been drinking. I was still working and lived across the State from them but would go as often as possible by taking a Friday & Monday with the weekend. I pretty much worked with the lawyer doing the Probate of Dad's Will. My brother would go in when he was drinking or if not drinking he was so shaky he could hardly sign his name on the papers where we both had to sign. It was sad because I had been where my brother is now and also my brother had been sober 14 years before drinking again. I don't know if he has another sober up time left in him. He is 65 now and still out there. I felt we did the best we could for our parents but it still is something we, as siblings need to work together to do.

kelsh