Language of Letting Go - October 11
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Language of Letting Go - October 11
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Recovery
How easy it is to blame our problems on others. "Look at what he's doing." . . . "Look how long I've waited." . . . "Why doesn't she call?" . . . "If only he'd change then I'd be happy." . . .
Often, our accusations are justified. We probably are feeling hurt and frustrated. In those moments, we may begin to believe that the solution to our pain and frustration is getting the other person to do what we want, or having the outcome we desire. But these self-defeating illusions put the power and control of our life in other people's hands. We call this codependency.
The solution to our pain and frustration, however valid is to acknowledge our own feelings. We feel the anger, the grief; then we let go of the feelings and find peace - within ourselves. We know our happiness isn't controlled by another person, even though we may have convinced ourselves it is. We call this acceptance.
Then we decide that although we'd like our situation to be different, maybe our life is happening this way for a reason. Maybe there is a higher purpose and plan in play, one that's better than we could have orchestrated. We call this faith.
Then we decide what we need to do, what is within our power to do to take care of ourselves. That's called recovery.
It's easy to point our finger at another, but it's more rewarding to gently point it at ourselves.
Today, I will live with my pain and frustration by dealing with my own feelings.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Recovery
How easy it is to blame our problems on others. "Look at what he's doing." . . . "Look how long I've waited." . . . "Why doesn't she call?" . . . "If only he'd change then I'd be happy." . . .
Often, our accusations are justified. We probably are feeling hurt and frustrated. In those moments, we may begin to believe that the solution to our pain and frustration is getting the other person to do what we want, or having the outcome we desire. But these self-defeating illusions put the power and control of our life in other people's hands. We call this codependency.
The solution to our pain and frustration, however valid is to acknowledge our own feelings. We feel the anger, the grief; then we let go of the feelings and find peace - within ourselves. We know our happiness isn't controlled by another person, even though we may have convinced ourselves it is. We call this acceptance.
Then we decide that although we'd like our situation to be different, maybe our life is happening this way for a reason. Maybe there is a higher purpose and plan in play, one that's better than we could have orchestrated. We call this faith.
Then we decide what we need to do, what is within our power to do to take care of ourselves. That's called recovery.
It's easy to point our finger at another, but it's more rewarding to gently point it at ourselves.
Today, I will live with my pain and frustration by dealing with my own feelings.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
"Acceptance" and "Faith" are two powerful words that took me forever to understand.
I lived in the land of "if only" for years, waiting and waiting for my son to find recovery and hang on to it for dear life.
It was only when I found recovery myself, that my life once again became worth living.
If anyone had told me that I could find peace and happiness in my life and embrace each new day with gladness...when my son had been missing for over 3 years without a word...I would not have believed them. Recovery, support and learning to work 12 steps that have been the foundation of strength in all areas of my life, have brought me to a good place today where I recognize that life is a precious gift not to be wasted.
So today, as every day, I will say a prayer, give my son to God, and then enter the new day with hope, faith, acceptance and happiness, and mostly gratitude for the gifts of recovery.
Hugs
I lived in the land of "if only" for years, waiting and waiting for my son to find recovery and hang on to it for dear life.
It was only when I found recovery myself, that my life once again became worth living.
If anyone had told me that I could find peace and happiness in my life and embrace each new day with gladness...when my son had been missing for over 3 years without a word...I would not have believed them. Recovery, support and learning to work 12 steps that have been the foundation of strength in all areas of my life, have brought me to a good place today where I recognize that life is a precious gift not to be wasted.
So today, as every day, I will say a prayer, give my son to God, and then enter the new day with hope, faith, acceptance and happiness, and mostly gratitude for the gifts of recovery.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: GO PENS
Posts: 1,151
Ann,
You are truly an inspiration to me. I like the part that says that maybe our life is happening this way for a reason. I really try to believe in that. Although I have to admit my faith does waver. It seems that no matter how I try to control the outcomes of situations they usually happen in their own manner. That is why I call it faith because life is unfolding the way it is supposed to not necessarily the way I want it to.
I believe there is a greater control over my life than my own control. I believe my life is part of a plan. Maybe a better plan than I would have for myself. Even with all of the pain and hurt that I have had to endure I have grown because of it. I sometimes feel like I have been carried over the hurdles, sometimes kicking and screaming but I made it over. The reason I did was because that was where I was supposed to be.
I don't think there is a lot of things that we have control over in our lives. I think back to situations and realize how little impact I have had on any of it. At the time I thought I was controlling the whole situation when I really wasn't at all. Life is going to happen the way it is going to happen. I am learning to go with the ride and let it happen the way it is intended to........because ultimately I am not in charge.
Hugs and prayers to you and your son.............Lois
You are truly an inspiration to me. I like the part that says that maybe our life is happening this way for a reason. I really try to believe in that. Although I have to admit my faith does waver. It seems that no matter how I try to control the outcomes of situations they usually happen in their own manner. That is why I call it faith because life is unfolding the way it is supposed to not necessarily the way I want it to.
I believe there is a greater control over my life than my own control. I believe my life is part of a plan. Maybe a better plan than I would have for myself. Even with all of the pain and hurt that I have had to endure I have grown because of it. I sometimes feel like I have been carried over the hurdles, sometimes kicking and screaming but I made it over. The reason I did was because that was where I was supposed to be.
I don't think there is a lot of things that we have control over in our lives. I think back to situations and realize how little impact I have had on any of it. At the time I thought I was controlling the whole situation when I really wasn't at all. Life is going to happen the way it is going to happen. I am learning to go with the ride and let it happen the way it is intended to........because ultimately I am not in charge.
Hugs and prayers to you and your son.............Lois
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Omak WA
Posts: 1,049
"Today, I will live with my pain and frustration by dealing with my own feelings."
Ann,
This is something I have to work on daily. As you have read, I have a disabled son & I still have to resolve within myself feelings of pain & frustration regarding his life today. His Dad and I do what we can to help him and usually wait for him to ask. We did banking for him yesterday and only stayed a few minutes when we took his money to him. He was eating lunch late and his Caregiver was there to put him down in bed when he finished eating.
I see him more frequently than his Dad, and some days Eric wants to talk and talk. I do enjoy that. I know and accept that I did what he would let me do to help him before the wreck but give or loan him money. He lost four jobs in a quick succession for drinking on the job. It almost seemed like he wanted to get fired so help would come without his making a decision to get more help himself.
I have had to quit doing "what if's" because there is nothing I can change right now except give him support and suggestions when he asks.
Thanks again for the readings,
kelsh
Ann,
This is something I have to work on daily. As you have read, I have a disabled son & I still have to resolve within myself feelings of pain & frustration regarding his life today. His Dad and I do what we can to help him and usually wait for him to ask. We did banking for him yesterday and only stayed a few minutes when we took his money to him. He was eating lunch late and his Caregiver was there to put him down in bed when he finished eating.
I see him more frequently than his Dad, and some days Eric wants to talk and talk. I do enjoy that. I know and accept that I did what he would let me do to help him before the wreck but give or loan him money. He lost four jobs in a quick succession for drinking on the job. It almost seemed like he wanted to get fired so help would come without his making a decision to get more help himself.
I have had to quit doing "what if's" because there is nothing I can change right now except give him support and suggestions when he asks.
Thanks again for the readings,
kelsh
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: falmouth ma
Posts: 28
Acceptance" and "Faith"
Two very hard words for me
I am working on the acceptance which is going pretty well for someone who needs to be in control.
Faith!! HAven't had that in my life for so many years. I lost that when I was very young. I think that will take me a longtime. But I will try.
Two very hard words for me
I am working on the acceptance which is going pretty well for someone who needs to be in control.
Faith!! HAven't had that in my life for so many years. I lost that when I was very young. I think that will take me a longtime. But I will try.
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