forgottenchild

i just got off the phone with my ad brother. he just checked himself out of his second rehab stint, and was crying and depressed. i love him so much but i detach myself because i just can't take it anymore, being too involved in his sickness before started to make me a sick person myself. now i can't stop crying, and the tears are so bitter. is it ok that i detach myself? is it ok if i don't rush to his aid this time?

caileesnana

Yes, it's ok. Nothing changes if nothing changes!
prayers,
susan

cece

Yes it is okay, but its easier if you have the help and support of others who have learned how to detach with love before you. Go to a nar-anon meeting or an al-anon meeting. Get the reading material and begin your journey. There is much peace to be found.
good-luck. this place to a nice sanctuary. keep coming and reading
Cathy

bookmiser

((((((((ForgottenChild)))))))))

We're here for ya, sweetie. It's tough, I know.
Stay strong. Take care of you.
Praying that this is your brothers' time.

kelsh

Hi Lost Child,

I am in a simular situation. My brother lives across the state from me and is back into drinking and some drugs. He is 65 years old and seems to find these women that take him in and take care of him.

He has been living in our family home since our Mom and Dad are gone. We both own this house but he is not keeping up his end of responsibilities. I had no idea he was back into alcohol and drugs again so made some bad faith decisions.

He is angry with me because I told him we need to sell the house or we will lose it to foreclosure for the back taxes he isn't paying. He hasn't called or written to me in almost two years now. I can't find him when I go to see him when it is an 8 our drive from where I live so I just have to think and wonder how he is doing. I didn't try to contact him because I hired an attorney to help get things moving but that didn't work either. I have written to him twice and have had no response. :nono:

I don't care if the house goes into foreclosure at this point. I just want to be done with it. He is a smart man and I love him dearly but he is operating on a chemical brain at this time and unable to see clearly.

I just had to let go and let God....an old saying in AA!

kelsh

greeteachday

It's okay and it is good for both of you. You can not change him...he has to find his own way. I'm so sorry for the pain you feel...Stay close here and post and share...we're here for you. Any chance of finding a Naranon or Alanon meeting tonight? Hugs and prayers for both of you

frankie_b

(( forgottenchild )) My heart goes out to you. Yes, it's okay to detach and not rush to his aid this time. As the mother of an A I understand how you're feeling.
It's okay to love him from a distance, from a place you feel safe and whole, and that is a very loving, courageous thing to do for both of you. To let go takes love.

I cried my way through the detachment process and came through it to a place of acceptance and peace. I attended alot of alanon meetings then. Can't say enough for all I was given in alanon. It saved my life.
Please keep posting. This is a safe place. We care, share, understand and support. We're here for you.
Hugs

Lobo

Yes, it sure is okay to detach if that is what you need to do to feel better. Addiction is really hard on siblings. When my daughter was in active addiction her brothers could not take it anymore and they detached from her. She did say that it was very hard on her not to have their support, but they had to do what they had to do to keep theirselves healthy. They were her best supporters when she was in early addiction, but she continued to hurt them by hurting herself and she never understood that. There has definetly been a divide in their relationship. She is recovering now and she is trying to repair her relationships. I can tell she is holding back somewhat because she feels like they let her down by not sticking with her through the bad times. I hope in time she understands where they were coming from. They all had to take care of themselves.

I'm sure your brother knows that you care about him. Tell him how much you care and detach with love. Let him know that that is the way it has to be right now and that you will hold him close to your heart and pray for his recovery everyday.

Hugs for you and your brother............Lo

forgottenchild

thank you to everybody for your kind words. i'm doing better today, i talked to my mom and explained where i was coming from and she understands. thanks again.