Do You Ever Notice?
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Do You Ever Notice?
Did you ever notice that when you are with positive, happy people that your own mood is lifted to a better place?
Did you ever notice that when you are in a sacred place, a church of any kind or alone in nature, maybe watching a sunrise or sunset or looking at the stars...that you feel more connected spiritually to that which is greater than yourself?
Did you ever notice that when your house is clean or when you can set aside that which doesn't need to be done right now and just take some time for yourself, that your energy level rises and you feel better about your life?
I have.
Early in my recovery I found that living in darkness, isolating with my misery and hiding it and myself from the world was not a healthy place for me to be. When I got out of myself and put myself with more positive surroundings, that misery seemed just a little less and I found hope where there had been none before.
Not that there isn't a time for darkness, there is. The night is a time where we rest or reflect on ourselves. We can no longer be distracted by the glare of day and it is a time when we can grieve, feel our sadness, and be alone with our thoughts even though they may not be good thoughts. But knowing that dawn will break soon and that the light will shine, keeps the darkness as a temporary place serving its purpose then disappearing for a while.
It's about balance, light and darkness.
I have a friend who was raised in El Salvadore where the sun shone every day and temperatures remained moderate to hot. He loved Canada because each day was different and weather changed regularly. He learned to love a thunderstorm and to appreciate sunny days again. He learned that with each changing season came growth. He learned that as severe and cold as our winters might be, it always held the promise of spring, not so very far away.
Recovery has taught me that there is a time for all things, for light and for darkness, for changes as with the seasons, and that my good days and bad days would all blend into history in a short time and that each brought me its own lessons and blessings.
Recovery has also taught me to allow myself some time for each, and that if I was lingering in the darkness of negativity too long, that I needed to get myself to a positive place with people and surroundings that would lift my spirit.
Just wanted to share some early morning thoughts I had today. How about you? What takes you to a better place? Have you noticed?
Hugs
Did you ever notice that when you are in a sacred place, a church of any kind or alone in nature, maybe watching a sunrise or sunset or looking at the stars...that you feel more connected spiritually to that which is greater than yourself?
Did you ever notice that when your house is clean or when you can set aside that which doesn't need to be done right now and just take some time for yourself, that your energy level rises and you feel better about your life?
I have.
Early in my recovery I found that living in darkness, isolating with my misery and hiding it and myself from the world was not a healthy place for me to be. When I got out of myself and put myself with more positive surroundings, that misery seemed just a little less and I found hope where there had been none before.
Not that there isn't a time for darkness, there is. The night is a time where we rest or reflect on ourselves. We can no longer be distracted by the glare of day and it is a time when we can grieve, feel our sadness, and be alone with our thoughts even though they may not be good thoughts. But knowing that dawn will break soon and that the light will shine, keeps the darkness as a temporary place serving its purpose then disappearing for a while.
It's about balance, light and darkness.
I have a friend who was raised in El Salvadore where the sun shone every day and temperatures remained moderate to hot. He loved Canada because each day was different and weather changed regularly. He learned to love a thunderstorm and to appreciate sunny days again. He learned that with each changing season came growth. He learned that as severe and cold as our winters might be, it always held the promise of spring, not so very far away.
Recovery has taught me that there is a time for all things, for light and for darkness, for changes as with the seasons, and that my good days and bad days would all blend into history in a short time and that each brought me its own lessons and blessings.
Recovery has also taught me to allow myself some time for each, and that if I was lingering in the darkness of negativity too long, that I needed to get myself to a positive place with people and surroundings that would lift my spirit.
Just wanted to share some early morning thoughts I had today. How about you? What takes you to a better place? Have you noticed?
Hugs
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
Ann,
This reminds me of the concepts in the book The Celestine Prophecy. There are people and places in my life that energize me... after I spend some time with them, I feel really positive, upbeat, happy and refreshed. I LOVE being near the water - a lake or the ocean - and I feel the positive energy flow into me. I LOVE being with certain friends, because we both come away from our time together feeling better than we did before.
There are also a few people and places in my live that seem to drain me. They seem to pull my energy from me, and after I've spent time in those places or with those people I am tired and spent.
Early in my recovery, I made a choice to NOT expose myself to the negative people and places. I had to end a few friendships, and I had to distance myself from some others. I needed time to heal and to find my center. In time, I was able to reconnect with a few old time friends. I learned to "stock up" ahead of time if I was going to have lunch with one... so that I was full of positive energy, recovery and serenity. She was still able to pull some of that from me, but I had "extra" so I was able to give her some and still not be too depleted.
I may be rambling... this was all written before coffee this morning... but it reminds me how far I have come and how important it is to seek out those positive people and places in my life.
This reminds me of the concepts in the book The Celestine Prophecy. There are people and places in my life that energize me... after I spend some time with them, I feel really positive, upbeat, happy and refreshed. I LOVE being near the water - a lake or the ocean - and I feel the positive energy flow into me. I LOVE being with certain friends, because we both come away from our time together feeling better than we did before.
There are also a few people and places in my live that seem to drain me. They seem to pull my energy from me, and after I've spent time in those places or with those people I am tired and spent.
Early in my recovery, I made a choice to NOT expose myself to the negative people and places. I had to end a few friendships, and I had to distance myself from some others. I needed time to heal and to find my center. In time, I was able to reconnect with a few old time friends. I learned to "stock up" ahead of time if I was going to have lunch with one... so that I was full of positive energy, recovery and serenity. She was still able to pull some of that from me, but I had "extra" so I was able to give her some and still not be too depleted.
I may be rambling... this was all written before coffee this morning... but it reminds me how far I have come and how important it is to seek out those positive people and places in my life.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Oh me too, Cat. Toxic people can suck the life right out of me, if I expose myself to them for too long.
And others, those treasured friendships that have endured the test of time AND my codependency, lol, these always fill me with an abundance of good stuff.
And the water is a huge "booster" for me. A river, lake, stream, ocean...it really doesn't matter as long as it is wet.
I think that today I will do a little self-test. I have a few errands and visits to make and I will "notice" how the people I meet along the way affect me. Should be interesting and a learning experiment.
Hugs
And others, those treasured friendships that have endured the test of time AND my codependency, lol, these always fill me with an abundance of good stuff.
And the water is a huge "booster" for me. A river, lake, stream, ocean...it really doesn't matter as long as it is wet.
I think that today I will do a little self-test. I have a few errands and visits to make and I will "notice" how the people I meet along the way affect me. Should be interesting and a learning experiment.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
i too have noticed that around postive people my mood is good. i feel better about myself & the things that i am having a problem accepting. this does not necessarly mean with my addict just lifes blows.when you are with postive people your negitive thoughts & problems can not seek through all the postive actions going on around you. i try hard to remove my self from people in general & situations that are not good for me. my recovery has brought about alot of postive things & as i grow i am certain it will only get better.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 94
I have noticed this too!!
Actually I recently had to stop hanging out with a friend because she is constantly SO negative and just complains about every little thing from the time we get together until the time I go home.
I need positive people in my life right now....so I've stopped making plans with her for the time being and I'm feeling good.
Actually I recently had to stop hanging out with a friend because she is constantly SO negative and just complains about every little thing from the time we get together until the time I go home.
I need positive people in my life right now....so I've stopped making plans with her for the time being and I'm feeling good.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: on top of the hill
Posts: 197
I'm finding that in trying to recover, I seem to be getting a little braver. It's probably because it's the first time I've ever been alone. Today I went up a small mountain trail with my son, behind our camp. I've wanted to do this for such a long time, but was always chicken and just gave different excuses. Well, today was the day. I'm going to be sore tomorrow, But, the view from up there was just amazing, we could see 2 lakes, a pond, all the mountains, etc. I don't know who could not look at that view and not feel peaceful and closer to your hp. Such a wonderful feeling, I wish I could have stayed all day.
Weird thing is , I thought I had seen my ah's truck on the way there a couple of times, but wasn't sure. Today we saw him on our way home, just in passing, but enough to know he's still alive. He's living just a mile or less from the camp. My son hadn't seen him in almost 4 years. Thank you, hp.
Ah just lost his business last week, and it was auctioned off in an auction that went horribly bad. I'm telling myself it's hp stepping in again, now there's no more money for crack. I don't know how long I can hang on to what I have, but if I worry about that, it will truly drive me insane.
So now it's night, and I can let the sad feelings in, but there will be sunshine tomorrow. When I got home I made whoopie pies for my kids and grand kids, I hope to see them all tomorrow. If there's one thing I have learned, it's that you neeed to lean on the family you have left.
Thank you my sr friends, I never would have made it this far without you.
Weird thing is , I thought I had seen my ah's truck on the way there a couple of times, but wasn't sure. Today we saw him on our way home, just in passing, but enough to know he's still alive. He's living just a mile or less from the camp. My son hadn't seen him in almost 4 years. Thank you, hp.
Ah just lost his business last week, and it was auctioned off in an auction that went horribly bad. I'm telling myself it's hp stepping in again, now there's no more money for crack. I don't know how long I can hang on to what I have, but if I worry about that, it will truly drive me insane.
So now it's night, and I can let the sad feelings in, but there will be sunshine tomorrow. When I got home I made whoopie pies for my kids and grand kids, I hope to see them all tomorrow. If there's one thing I have learned, it's that you neeed to lean on the family you have left.
Thank you my sr friends, I never would have made it this far without you.
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
Isn't it the truth! A long time ago, I tryed to sell Mary Kay. I didn't do too wel at it, but I remember distinctly how I would go to a meeting, or sit and talk with the director and NEVER EVER did one single negative word ever have its place there.
So, even though I never made it big time, I did take away all the wonderful attitudes, and positive talk.
I do have one positive friend. I really like being around her and my own mood lifts the instant I see her! I wonder if she's aware how she touches people!
On the other side, I have been around some people who are filled with anger, animosity, and every negative attitude you can think of. They drain you. They pull the plug on you and are a constant thorn in your life.
Thanks for this Ann. I think I will be checking myself tomorrow for any negativity, and do my best to be a positive influence.
So, even though I never made it big time, I did take away all the wonderful attitudes, and positive talk.
I do have one positive friend. I really like being around her and my own mood lifts the instant I see her! I wonder if she's aware how she touches people!
On the other side, I have been around some people who are filled with anger, animosity, and every negative attitude you can think of. They drain you. They pull the plug on you and are a constant thorn in your life.
Thanks for this Ann. I think I will be checking myself tomorrow for any negativity, and do my best to be a positive influence.
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
I too had to distance myself from a coworker because of the way the negativity and jaded comments affected my serenity. It was difficult because we have to work together, but I pulled back wherever I could. Being the good codie I am, I felt bad because I could tell this person knew I was distancing myself and I ended up trying to explain because I didn't want hurt feelings. I'm just now starting to feel balanced enough that I can load up on my good feelings and spend a little time again.
I find good and peaceful feelings when I walk and hike and see all the beauty around me. Sometimes darkness hits me during the day, and making room for a long walk or going for a run to get those endorphins going really helps to change my perspective. Music too can make a huge difference. My daughter has made "Mom's Mixes" for me and they are so great for lifting my spirit.
I've found too that in the same way that positive people lift my spirits, when I am projecting happiness and a positive view, the vast majority of people around me respond in kind. Remembering that is a great tool for me to talk my way out of feeling grumpy. Hugs
I find good and peaceful feelings when I walk and hike and see all the beauty around me. Sometimes darkness hits me during the day, and making room for a long walk or going for a run to get those endorphins going really helps to change my perspective. Music too can make a huge difference. My daughter has made "Mom's Mixes" for me and they are so great for lifting my spirit.
I've found too that in the same way that positive people lift my spirits, when I am projecting happiness and a positive view, the vast majority of people around me respond in kind. Remembering that is a great tool for me to talk my way out of feeling grumpy. Hugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
I have a newish next door neighbor who is a pulsing ball of negative energy, stress, and anger. It's been very difficult distancing myself from her. At first I wanted to help, be the Good Neighbor and all, bring her dogs back home when she let them run loose, loan her things she asked for (which were never returned), be supportive (which was never reciprocated).
But I started to notice that every time I was around her -- which is ALWAYS accompanied with stories of how miserable, stressful, and unfair her life is, literally she has never said a positive thing in six months -- it took a long time for me to regain my emotional footing. I had to consciously do things to bring my mood back up, like make a date with positive people who take responsibility for their lives, read a positive book, etc.
She's a former addict and former spouse of an abusive addict. She's very much the victim, and lets everyone know who'll listen. She has a strong sense of entitlement: the World owes her, because of all the suffering she went through. She doesn't HAVE to do her share any more; she's given enough and now it's the World's job to take care of her.
And unlike most folks, she seems to be a bottomless pit. You can pour love and positivity and acceptance out, and she gobbles it up and asks for more, all the while pointing out just how much life stinks.
It's painful. I think about her as I read your post tonight, Ann. Probably because I see in her something that I used to succumb to too, until I realized that the World owes me nothing...it is my job to create my life, regardless of what I've let myself get involved in in the past.
Tomorrow, I'll have lunch with my other neighbor, the dog-crazy, fast-talking, generous, loving, funny lady down the street, who gave me a wind chime during my first week in this neighborhood. She's been through a lot too, but it has manifested itself in an entirely different way!!
I guess that was a bit of a rant. Thanks for listening.
Love to all
GL
But I started to notice that every time I was around her -- which is ALWAYS accompanied with stories of how miserable, stressful, and unfair her life is, literally she has never said a positive thing in six months -- it took a long time for me to regain my emotional footing. I had to consciously do things to bring my mood back up, like make a date with positive people who take responsibility for their lives, read a positive book, etc.
She's a former addict and former spouse of an abusive addict. She's very much the victim, and lets everyone know who'll listen. She has a strong sense of entitlement: the World owes her, because of all the suffering she went through. She doesn't HAVE to do her share any more; she's given enough and now it's the World's job to take care of her.
And unlike most folks, she seems to be a bottomless pit. You can pour love and positivity and acceptance out, and she gobbles it up and asks for more, all the while pointing out just how much life stinks.
It's painful. I think about her as I read your post tonight, Ann. Probably because I see in her something that I used to succumb to too, until I realized that the World owes me nothing...it is my job to create my life, regardless of what I've let myself get involved in in the past.
Tomorrow, I'll have lunch with my other neighbor, the dog-crazy, fast-talking, generous, loving, funny lady down the street, who gave me a wind chime during my first week in this neighborhood. She's been through a lot too, but it has manifested itself in an entirely different way!!
I guess that was a bit of a rant. Thanks for listening.
Love to all
GL
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Originally Posted by GiveLove 
And unlike most folks, she seems to be a bottomless pit. You can pour love and positivity and acceptance out, and she gobbles it up and asks for more, all the while pointing out just how much life stinks.
It's painful. I think about her as I read your post tonight, Ann. Probably because I see in her something that I used to succumb to too, until I realized that the World owes me nothing...it is my job to create my life, regardless of what I've let myself get involved in in the past.
It's painful. I think about her as I read your post tonight, Ann. Probably because I see in her something that I used to succumb to too, until I realized that the World owes me nothing...it is my job to create my life, regardless of what I've let myself get involved in in the past.
I finished a contract not long ago, where the people (and one person in particular) were very gossipy, talking and forming opinions about people and situations about which they really knew nothing. I chose not to join in, not supportively and not critically, as they are what they are and I was working there and not there to change anyone. But maybe, by my example, one person might see that gossip is a reflection of the person gossiping and not a reflection on the person being talked about.
In life, we will meet both, the negative people and positive people, and I try to find my own space where I can stay grounded when all others around me are sharing their anger, resentments and unkindness. At the end of the day, I feel better when I do this, and just say a prayer for those who haven't yet found a more peaceful way of living their lives.
I said I would pay special attention yesterday to the people I came in contact with, and I can honestly say that every person I met (it must have been a good day) were positive, helpful, and left me with good feelings about them and the companies for which they worked.
I also want to add, that sometimes I need to share what is troubling me at the moment, but I have learned to share selectively with those who understand or who can help me, like all you wonderful people here. I may carry my burdens quietly for a while but I never wear them like a comfortable pair of slippers. And I know enough, today, to understand that I may not be able to change my circumstance, but I can always change my attitude and find some gratitude for even the hard days, because they bring me lessons and knowledge and help me stay on a good path.
I am grateful to read all the responses here, and thank each one of you. Hearing of your struggles with negative people help me remember that I can have compassion for these people, but I don't have to carry their burdens for them, and should not because they too have to learn the lessons of life, just as I did and I don't want to rob them of the opportunity.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Ann -
I, too, have to distance myself from negative people. I knew a woman years ago that I'm sure if she would win the lottery, she would complain that she had to go pick up the money!
Today, thanks in a large part to the people here at SR, I am almost always looking at the brighter side. I live with my dad and stepmom and we have all had some serious money problems lately. But I kept my spirits up, prayed, and then gave it all to God. Yesterday, dad got approved for 2 loans and he will be okay.
He told me that my attitude "amazes" him and he is trying to learn from me and is so proud of me! That means a LOT, because 2-1/2 years ago I was smoking crack, living on the streets.
So thanks to everyone here for not teaching me it's normal to have bad days, but I don't have to stay in them, and I don't have to bring down everyone around me. A good attitude and gratitude will take me so much farther!!!
Amy
I, too, have to distance myself from negative people. I knew a woman years ago that I'm sure if she would win the lottery, she would complain that she had to go pick up the money!
Today, thanks in a large part to the people here at SR, I am almost always looking at the brighter side. I live with my dad and stepmom and we have all had some serious money problems lately. But I kept my spirits up, prayed, and then gave it all to God. Yesterday, dad got approved for 2 loans and he will be okay.
He told me that my attitude "amazes" him and he is trying to learn from me and is so proud of me! That means a LOT, because 2-1/2 years ago I was smoking crack, living on the streets.
So thanks to everyone here for not teaching me it's normal to have bad days, but I don't have to stay in them, and I don't have to bring down everyone around me. A good attitude and gratitude will take me so much farther!!!
Amy
Sunny Side Up
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
Hi Ann,
Your post had me really thinking. I love being around positive people but most of all I love people with a great sense of humor. I do not have much time for negative people (I mean people who always find the bad, never the good). Actually, I can switch off almost instantly and find myself walking away.
Thats not to say, I can get down with some of the troubles I have with my as, but now I almost cant tolerate her negativity. It scares me because I feel I am leaving her behind. Anyway, thanks for this nice post as It also reminded me that I need to appreciate the simpler things in life that I just dont seem to have the time for these days. Way too busy and all that, I am going to sit in the sun this weekend and say hello to it.
Your post had me really thinking. I love being around positive people but most of all I love people with a great sense of humor. I do not have much time for negative people (I mean people who always find the bad, never the good). Actually, I can switch off almost instantly and find myself walking away.
Thats not to say, I can get down with some of the troubles I have with my as, but now I almost cant tolerate her negativity. It scares me because I feel I am leaving her behind. Anyway, thanks for this nice post as It also reminded me that I need to appreciate the simpler things in life that I just dont seem to have the time for these days. Way too busy and all that, I am going to sit in the sun this weekend and say hello to it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: GO PENS
Posts: 1,151
Ann,
Your gentle spirit sure comes through to me and helps me to see things more clearly.
I can honestly say that I have been fortunate enough to have a lot of positive people in my life. I on the other hand have to be careful not to bring them down with the negativity that I live with. I find when I am feeling negative and it is only usually when there is a lot of negativity going on. I tend to isolate myself because I don't want to drag anyone else into it. I am very good at the suffering in slience thing. That is where SR comes in............my SR friends take the bad and the good of me. I am usually a pretty positive person and try to find the good even when things aren't so good. Sometimes when I feel like I am not being treated fairly, I step back and tell myself that maybe the person who is not being fair to me has a lot of negativity going on in their life and they just don't have anything positive left to offer. You know I sometimes look around at people and think I wonder what is going on in their life. So many people are walking around with pain. Probably more than not. Some cover it up well and some don't. I guess we would be surprised at some of the people that seems to have the world by the tail that really don't at all.
Thanks Ann for this thread.
Love to you...........Lo
Your gentle spirit sure comes through to me and helps me to see things more clearly.
I can honestly say that I have been fortunate enough to have a lot of positive people in my life. I on the other hand have to be careful not to bring them down with the negativity that I live with. I find when I am feeling negative and it is only usually when there is a lot of negativity going on. I tend to isolate myself because I don't want to drag anyone else into it. I am very good at the suffering in slience thing. That is where SR comes in............my SR friends take the bad and the good of me. I am usually a pretty positive person and try to find the good even when things aren't so good. Sometimes when I feel like I am not being treated fairly, I step back and tell myself that maybe the person who is not being fair to me has a lot of negativity going on in their life and they just don't have anything positive left to offer. You know I sometimes look around at people and think I wonder what is going on in their life. So many people are walking around with pain. Probably more than not. Some cover it up well and some don't. I guess we would be surprised at some of the people that seems to have the world by the tail that really don't at all.
Thanks Ann for this thread.
Love to you...........Lo
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Lobo (and everyone)
Please know that you are welcome to vent here anytime about anything you feel you need to get out. My remarks do not pertain to here, this is a safe place where we all share our light AND share our pain.
I think that's what keeps us healthy and saves the rest of the world from our darker days, we are safe to talk about anything we want here and know that others understand, many have walked the same path, and we all join in supporting each other, good days and bad.
I just wanted to clarify that in case anyone misunderstood my intentions.
Love back atcha Lobo, and hugs to everyone for sharing my life, good days and bad
Please know that you are welcome to vent here anytime about anything you feel you need to get out. My remarks do not pertain to here, this is a safe place where we all share our light AND share our pain.
I think that's what keeps us healthy and saves the rest of the world from our darker days, we are safe to talk about anything we want here and know that others understand, many have walked the same path, and we all join in supporting each other, good days and bad.
I just wanted to clarify that in case anyone misunderstood my intentions.
Love back atcha Lobo, and hugs to everyone for sharing my life, good days and bad
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: GO PENS
Posts: 1,151
Ann,
I never misunderstood you at all. I know what it is like to run into negative people when I am down and it is no picnic.
Thank you, Ann for accepting me with the good and the bad. I feel the same way as you do about our SR friends. We accept each other on good days and bad days.
That is what makes us true friends even though we have never formally met. Words have a way of telling us about a persons personallity. That just goes to show that it is what's inside of us that makes us who we are.
I thank you again, Ann
I never misunderstood you at all. I know what it is like to run into negative people when I am down and it is no picnic.
Thank you, Ann for accepting me with the good and the bad. I feel the same way as you do about our SR friends. We accept each other on good days and bad days.
That is what makes us true friends even though we have never formally met. Words have a way of telling us about a persons personallity. That just goes to show that it is what's inside of us that makes us who we are.
I thank you again, Ann
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