Taking the Good With the Bad
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: My House
Posts: 1,122
Taking the Good With the Bad
Hey everyone
I've missed you guys so much in the past several days... we've been so busy that I haven't even had time for email, much less anything else.
The good news: hubby and I are officially homeowners, as of this past Friday. We gave up on the first house because we were tired of waiting for things to pan out and bought a house that is new construction. I like the neighborhood much better, plus the location is perfect, so what more could a gal ask for? The only thing is that now we're going into some pretty heavy debt, between the mortgage, the card we had to get to pay for our appliances that we didn't have, plus we need a new bed (yes, NEED it... the old mattress feels like it's about to cave in). Plus, hubby is wanting to get a new TV... so, all in all, we're looking at about $4,000 in financed extras... I guess this is normal when buying a new home?
The other good news: my blood pressure was normal Friday for the first time in over a year!
The not-so-good-news: ras has slipped. Officially, and admittedly. And she doesn't seem to want to talk to me. We were in the midst of planning a normal day to get together each week, and that hasn't materialized because she seems to be avoiding me. And hubby doesn't particularly seem to want her to be at our new house because of it. I don't care b/c I would make sure to hide anything I would be worried about her taking (which wouldn't be much, mainly things that would be upstairs and out of sight anyways), but I can't blame hubby for feeling that way. I felt that way too, at one point.
So, now I find myself trying to not slip with her, in regards to my codieness paralleling her addiction. She's always in the back of my mind, but I keep trying to trudge onward, focusing on my life for the time being.
How do you stay sane in times like that? I want to make sure she knows I still love her, but I don't want to condone or excuse her behavior either. Not that it's mine to excuse... but I think you all know what I meant there.
I hope everyone is having the best day possible.
I've missed you guys so much in the past several days... we've been so busy that I haven't even had time for email, much less anything else.The good news: hubby and I are officially homeowners, as of this past Friday. We gave up on the first house because we were tired of waiting for things to pan out and bought a house that is new construction. I like the neighborhood much better, plus the location is perfect, so what more could a gal ask for? The only thing is that now we're going into some pretty heavy debt, between the mortgage, the card we had to get to pay for our appliances that we didn't have, plus we need a new bed (yes, NEED it... the old mattress feels like it's about to cave in). Plus, hubby is wanting to get a new TV... so, all in all, we're looking at about $4,000 in financed extras... I guess this is normal when buying a new home?
The other good news: my blood pressure was normal Friday for the first time in over a year!
The not-so-good-news: ras has slipped. Officially, and admittedly. And she doesn't seem to want to talk to me. We were in the midst of planning a normal day to get together each week, and that hasn't materialized because she seems to be avoiding me. And hubby doesn't particularly seem to want her to be at our new house because of it. I don't care b/c I would make sure to hide anything I would be worried about her taking (which wouldn't be much, mainly things that would be upstairs and out of sight anyways), but I can't blame hubby for feeling that way. I felt that way too, at one point.
So, now I find myself trying to not slip with her, in regards to my codieness paralleling her addiction. She's always in the back of my mind, but I keep trying to trudge onward, focusing on my life for the time being.
How do you stay sane in times like that? I want to make sure she knows I still love her, but I don't want to condone or excuse her behavior either. Not that it's mine to excuse... but I think you all know what I meant there.
I hope everyone is having the best day possible.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
The new house sounds exciting, I'm really happy for you.
If she steals from you at all, then I agree with hubby that the house should be out of bounds. It was one of my boundaries too.
Your daughter can know you love her just as much meeting her some place neutral.
Hugs
If she steals from you at all, then I agree with hubby that the house should be out of bounds. It was one of my boundaries too.
Your daughter can know you love her just as much meeting her some place neutral.
Hugs
remember to breathe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
congrats on the new house I know you'll enjoy it.
congrats also on the blood pressure
I don't know how to stay sane since I'm abit bonkers! lol but just press onward and upward.
good luck
congrats also on the blood pressure
I don't know how to stay sane since I'm abit bonkers! lol but just press onward and upward.
good luck
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: GO PENS
Posts: 1,151
Lady,
Welcome to world of homeowners and all of the bills that go with it. Glad to hear about the lower blood pressure.
You have to do what is comfortable for you and your hubby when it comes to RAS.
Set your boundries and stick with them you have a lot of good things on your plate right now.......enjoy them.
Welcome to world of homeowners and all of the bills that go with it. Glad to hear about the lower blood pressure.
You have to do what is comfortable for you and your hubby when it comes to RAS.
Set your boundries and stick with them you have a lot of good things on your plate right now.......enjoy them.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
I think it's a matter of reminding your sister that you have boundaries. She's no dummy - she already knows!
Congrats on the new house. I'm sure you and hubby will make it a loving and warm home soon.
Cats
Congrats on the new house. I'm sure you and hubby will make it a loving and warm home soon.
Cats
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
Congrats on the new house Lady!
I have a feeling your sis knows you love her and support her emotionally in her struggle.
I made the mistake on many occassions of stepping in and taking the reprussions from the slips off of my son. When I did that, I also took away the chance to make things right. I held resentment for what he had done and for what I had to "do" to make things right.
That really wasn't fair of me to do that.
She owns her behavior, and I'm sure is grateful that her sister is in the wings cheering her along regardless.
Just like with us, recovery is rarely a straight line.
I'll keep her in my prayers.
(((Hugs)))
Cece
I have a feeling your sis knows you love her and support her emotionally in her struggle.
I made the mistake on many occassions of stepping in and taking the reprussions from the slips off of my son. When I did that, I also took away the chance to make things right. I held resentment for what he had done and for what I had to "do" to make things right.
That really wasn't fair of me to do that.
She owns her behavior, and I'm sure is grateful that her sister is in the wings cheering her along regardless.
Just like with us, recovery is rarely a straight line.
I'll keep her in my prayers.
(((Hugs)))
Cece
Bridge CLOSED
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
Congrats on the house (but not on the debt!). I just bought a bed too.. man oh man they can be xpensive (but I did not go expensive!).
Sorry about your sister. I would send her a card and let her know that no matter what happens you still love her. That is what you are saying here.
A card is not forcing her to talk to you and is not giving her any sort of enabling. It is simple communication.
((((Lady))))
Sorry about your sister. I would send her a card and let her know that no matter what happens you still love her. That is what you are saying here.
A card is not forcing her to talk to you and is not giving her any sort of enabling. It is simple communication.
((((Lady))))
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