Going to visit son at Oxford House
 

Hey gang,

Well, my son has been at Oxford house since Tuesday. It has been a rough week for me, thinking of him on his own. His dad took him to the recovery home, so I haven't even seen it yet. So of course my codie mind imagines every possible thing. I have talked to him at least once a day. He sounds quiet, subdued. He is there with 6 other guys, older than him. He has been looking for a job with no luck yet. So today I am going to see him and his surroundings. I think it will be helpful for me. He has been going to meetings, continuing with outpatient at his rehab home. He has also been watching the Cubs and cheering them on. We did get word that he passed his GED with flying colors! He was really excited about that. His scores were all in the 90s, even getting a 99% in writing. As a reward, I am going to surprise him with Bob Dylan tickets. He happens to be playing in the town he is living in. He will be excited. Everything looks good for today. Now if he can just get a job.

I really do think the recovery home is best for him. If he were here, he would be right back in to the same crowd. Every day he is clean and away from his crew, is a good day.

krhea

I hope your visit goes well. Until an addict has a lot of recovery under their belt, I don't listen to hard to their thinking. Their thinking got them in the mess they are in and it will take time and a lot of recovery to correct that.

Just go with the flow, have your "quick escape" ready in case it doesn't go well, and try to enjoy your day with your son.

Hugs

Thanks Ann, I needed to hear that. I get to feeling sorry for him and then he sense it and the manipulation kicks in. You read right through my post. I will stay strong.
krhea

Dear Khrea,
I hope you don't have any expections visiting the Oxford House. It's just a house that someone purchased and turned it into an Oxford House. Normally, it's a crappy older house with alot of room and I don't want you to be disappointed.
They all have maintenance chores to keep up the house, but no money to do improvements or make it better than just an old house.
Normally, the guys all are content with that. But as a mom, you might be upset.
If it helps at all, their falling apart houses are way cleaner than my house. Due to the weekly chores thing. I was totally astounded at how neat and clean everything was, depsite the fact that it was very old in desperate need of upgrading.
Guess I'm trying to prepare you for my initial letdown when I saw the house. It's not the house, but the guys living there that make it work. And they have the oldest and cleanest bathroom in our area :-)
Hope this helps you to prepare.
Love, B

Hope you had a good visit. Sending hugs your way. Marle

I will say a prayer for you today. Hope you have a nice visit today. Let us know how it goes.

_broken

Hi Krahea,

My nephew spent a year in treatment and then moved into a sober house. He stayed much longer than the usual because he didn't trust himself. He ended up getting his old job back and he and his SO have bought a house together. She also quit drinking and using drugs at the same time he did. She works too and now they have been sober several years. His dad is my brother and he is not any example for his son now since he has started drinking and drugging again at age 65 now and still messing up. I have been sober 19 years and as you can see our family has a very strong predisposition for alcohol abuse. :thumbsdow

You have had some good advice and the condition of an older house isn't the charm of the house that has survived many generations of famillys and now a sober home.
The treatment center I went to was in an older home and it had all kinds of nooks & crannies to explore. It had character for sure.

Hope all has gone well by the time you read this. :Val004:

Well,
As you all predicted, the house was a little run down and unkempt. But my son seems to be doing well. He seems happy, actually. We did have our moments today. He seems to think I'm made of money, and I had to set my limits which he didn't like. But we kind of got past it. He applied for a few jobs while I was there. So now I am home, and feeling a bit blue. Why? He seems good and moving on. Why do I feel sad?
krhea

(((((Krhea))))))


It's a mom thing, sweetie. You feel blue cause he's not able to come home and be the boy you need him to be. He's gonna do fine. Relax and focus on your own needs.
Tell him congratulations from me, on passing the G.E.D.
Once he gets a job, things will start moving forward. Does he have any hobbies at all? Does he read? Maybe you could get him some interesting books and magazines to fill time with. Just a thought. I know your proud of him. I am too. lol
Love ya,
Linda

Thanks Linda,
You're right. I need to work on my own recovery. Not once did he ask to come home or act like he was upset to be there. That in itself is a miracle. I guess I need to let go and let god. I have got to get my head on straight. I have been so wrapped up in this transition that I have let it consume me. Now it's time to relax and let life happen for me and him.
krhea

It bothers us because it's not the life we wanted for them, its the life they chose! I've learned that some have to have nothing and noone to finally ask for help. I am so happy he passed his GED, and w/ those & he could also attend Jr. college or something, if he chose. They have to learn to believe in theirself, and I hear that is the hardest part. If love or money could fix em, we wouldn't be here.
Hope to continue to hear the good news,
blessings,
susan:c005:

i am late on this. he is right where he needs to be. this has started out good for him.he has accomplished his g.e.d. i am proud of him too. it is normal to feel sad they are there. we had much rather have them home doing what they should be doing.there is hope here. i am sending prayers that this will work & it will be the his. hugs,

glad you were able to visit. it gets easier, once everyone settles in a bit.

hugs, k