First time for everything...

Old 10-04-2007, 12:07 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Okanagan BC
Posts: 328
HI. I can see you have recieved some great advice! I don't have much to add but canrelate to your problems. I would tend to tell you to not marry this guy anytime soon. My Xbf (broke up just a few days ago) lied to my face so many times, promised he would change....blah blah blah, i think he meant every word but as an active addict they connot control themselves. It took me 18 long months of being hurt and lied to to finally realize that he could not change. As much as we both wanted it to, nothing was going to change him if things stayed the same. I was so worried about him, becouse I felt he was in no shape to take care of himself, and I was scared he would feel so alone, he surprised me and has come up with a pretty good plan for himself. He has lined up a place to live 8 hours away, took care of some business, and leaves today. They are always very resourcful to get thier drugs and to lie, and now he is being resouceful for the good, becouse no one else is going to do it for him now! they are stronger than we think!
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Old 10-04-2007, 05:30 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: ca
Posts: 103
SaraUT - I am also new to this process. My husband is addicted to cocaine and alcohol. I wanted to let you know how motivating/comforting your posts and the related replies are to me. Thank you for sharing.

Aside from reading as much as I can here, NarAnon meetings have been extremely helpful in pointing me in the right direction. My attendance has provided me a much needed education about the addiction of my loved one. Most importantly, it has shifted my focus back to ME.

I'll be thinking of you.
holdingouthope is offline  
Old 10-06-2007, 03:31 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Layton, UT
Posts: 9

"One may have a blazing hearth in one's soul, and yet no one ever comes to sit by it."
- Vincent van Gogh

I am in tears right now. It's 2 in the morning and he woke up hours ago and never came back to bed... I found him sleeping on the couch. Now I can't sleep but I am so tired. What did I do to be treated like this? I am beginning to hate him, his attitude and demeanor make me sick with hurt. I don't have any family, I have no friends. All I had was him, and he is gone. Whether or not he'll come back is unknown to me, and maybe I won't be the one to find out.

Originally Posted by Impurrfect View Post
Just an opinion from a recovering addict about setting up a "sting". They say here "hands off the addict" and I believe that. I was totally immersed in the drug scene for 3 years and I can tell you that I have yet to see ANYONE (dealer or user) who didn't eventually get caught because of their own actions.
Thank you for the advice. I wanted to do that at first, but it was a ridiculous idea. I was mostly curious to see if anyone else had felt that way, or actually done something so bold. Just bringing that ... person.... to justice would feel so good. I've dreamed of asking them right to their face why they ruined my life and what is wrong with them. Everything was going to be perfect. We were going to be happy.

Sherryb - No I don't want to live like that. I'm so sorry that you went thru that and that your child had to go thru it too (whether or not s/he was aware). I won't marry him, that dream is so far from my mind that I can't even comprehend it.

GiveLove - Thanks for the support, it's all still a huge work of painful progress, but I hope one day it can give me peace. Yes, there are other problems, and I believe they are related to his relapse. He doesn't talk to me anymore; he solves the symptoms of our problems rather than the cause, because he is too lazy; I see the way he looks at me now, there is little emotion or care in his eyes, they are dark and blank and empty; in the middle of the night he'll go off to sleep alone (I tell myself that); we can't even have a pleasant conversation or date; he has changed all his passwords; he randomly tells me that he isn't a cheater; there isn't any intimacy. I've told him this too and it's been this way since maybe a month before I found out about his relapse. I keep telling myself it'll be better but I am living
in a fool's paradise.

parentrecovers - better late than never! Thank you.

kj21 - I'm glad your exbf got the help he needed and is on track with getting his life in order, and also that you got your life back. I get those feelings too, that he'll feel alone, he can't handle it by himself... he tells me he needs me around so he doesn't relapse again (BS). I don't know that I'm doing him any good.

holdingouthope - I am sorry to hear about your husband's addiction. I'm glad my posts are doing some good and that you are getting help for yourself to get thru it.

On a related note, I've been trying to figure out this Nar Anon meeting stuff at but their schedule is downright confusing, there are no dates and just random days are all over it, and now I don't even know whether that is for family members or just addicts. Otherwise, I haven't been able to find any Utah meetings, period. Maybe I am not looking in the right places. Any ideas?

I don't want immediate results for his addiction, but I want to feel back the way I feel about him. That is too much to ask, isn't it? ...At least my tears have dried.
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