kj21

I am a mess today. this jeckyl and hyde thing has gotten so crazy. It is like I have 2 boyfriends. One is nice, helpful, funny, loving, knows he has a problem and says he wants to change, doesn't want to lose everything he has, loves us and our life together. then.... he leaves the house....he doesn't answer his phone, doesn't go to work...HELP. This weekend he told me that he would like me to take his keys to work with me so he would not be tempted to go out do anything stupid before he goes to work, (he is on afternoon shift and has been repremanded for no shows and being late). So I do this, and give him his keys just before time to leave, he is in his work clothes, packed his lunch, good mood, seems fine, but didn't make it to work. I have told him in the past if he can't get it together and go to work I would kick him out. He said that would never happen, he will not lose his job and me. He promised. So I locked him out last night. not sure what will happen today. I know in my heart I must get away from him. He went to rehab last fall. nothing seems to change except now he admits he has a problem. He has not gone to a meeting in months. Sorry if this is not making sense. Just need to get it out i guess. I need to be strong and live without him...right? deep sigh, just not how I wanted it to be. I love him, but I don't think I can stay with him any longer and watch him slide further. I have to remember that it is his choices that are pulling us apart, not mine. Loving an addict/alcholic sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank goodness for this site. It helps so much!

BrokenBridges24

(((kj21))) You need to find within yourself the answers on what you need to do. If he is behaving this way I believe you already have your answers as to what you need to do. Whatever that is you have to do it for you. Not him, not because you feel sorry for him. Do it because you love yourself and value yourself enough to be treated the way you need to be treated by someone you are in a relationship with.

Above all, you can not save him from himself. That is his job. But until then you have to start learning to value yourself enough to expect from him the things you need from someone you are in a intimate relationship with. Being out all hours, not showing up for work, not calling you or answering his phone... Is that the kind of life you think you deserve? Of course not. So what do you do? No clue. You have to find those answers from within. But until then whatever you decide... we are here.

((((Kj21))))
-Broken

cece

I know how hard it is love someone who looked to me to fix him. You can't control it, or change it, you can only control how YOU react to it. I know its WAY easier said than done. I am very new to this but am finding a little peace in handing the load off to my higher power. It was such a relief because it was so much WORK having to carry all his crap around along with my reaction to it. It is getting easier so keep trying. Take it moment by moment and try not to look far beyond that for now.

BigSis

It has taken me a long time (and I still slip!) to really understand and believe that I CANNOT "do" recovery for another person.

Not for another addict...alcoholic...codependent... compulsive overeater....


Not for anybody.


I need to live my life for me - fix "me"....figure out "me"... discover why I want to help so much? why I gravitate to needy people so often? feel compelled to reach out inappropriately.

These things I can work on... and that work can keep me quite busy!

I wish you the best.

laketime

KJ
You already know my addict is my son. I don't have any experience with a partner or spouse. However, I do know that my AS cannot stay clean without the meetings. If hes not working a program of recovery he starrts back using. I think it's almost impossible to just quit cold turkey with no program. I can't "leave" my son, but I won't be involved in his life if he's using. He knows that I won't support that behavior in any way. You on the other hand might want to think about exiting this situation. I can't bear to watch his life of addiction and I wouldn't have to if he were'nt my son.

splendra

((((kj21))))

It is not wrong to want to get out of the way of disaster. I think it is a sign of good mental health to know when enough is enough and to take steps to protect yourself.