Help fellow parents I am new to the hurt
StrivingToThrive
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: san diego, ca
Posts: 425
Help fellow parents I am new to the hurt
Hello to fellow parents,
I have been looking at this site for a few months and have found such support. My 22 year old son is a new addict. He did admit that he played around with pot and alcohol in High School, but it seemed to escalate when he went off to college. For the last 3 years I have watched him fall and try to climb out of it at least 5 times. At first I helped him financially and got him counceling when he would go. I thought it was a temporary crazy growing up stage and that he would eventually lose interest. Because at times thats what seemed to happen. Other times it seemed he was escaping into this life to avoid pain or just growing up. I was so wrapped up in the fixing that I was on auto pilot for so much of it. Doing damage control, and concentrating on his good times and not his failures. Refusing to see how bad it was getting. For a while he would do any drug someone would give him. Then it seemed he decided that life was too crazy and out of control for him, so he got away from it.He went into rehab for 1 month, left, and made excuses such as the other addicts were too hard core for him. Most of them were just out of prison. He thought he was done with drugs for good after that one. I had hoped that would scare him away from the life. Although he has done some pretty hard stuff, his DOC is marijuana. ( you see because Marijuana isn't a drug, its natural) He believes that the other drugs he did were destroying lives, but that Marijuana was different. He doesn't see that it has a strong hold on him. He has gone from an ambitious smart kid to a wandering loser. He believes that he is a marijuana rights activist. He is always moving around the West. So now he has been arrested for transporting 2 lbs of pot for delivery.( In another State than mine) He will probably get off for it because he was a passenger and not the owner of the car. He was terrified , cried and pleaded with his father for help, but now that he is ORed he seems the same. So he still doesn't get it and will be back in jail I am sure. I didn't bail him out, and i'm not sending $ even though I know he has none and has to stay in the area he was arrested because, he has court appearances. I have to stick to what i said to him, he is choosing this way of life so he will have to live with all that comes with it. Yet, I am full of pain and regret. I know that I can look ahead to years of pain. I have searched the past to try and find answers to why he is this way. I know all the answers for how I can deal with this, but its easier to read, then to do. Reading the post from the mother who lost her son just about killed me. Because I always here that I shouldnt worry because my son had a great upbringing and knows inside that this life won't make him happy and he will come back to us, he is smart and can take care of himself. He will always land on his feet etc. But I know thats not always true.
I am doing everything I am supposed to to heal myself. I have an awesome counselor who is also an addiction specialist. (but he's not on my HMO insurance so I pay about $500 a month to see him weekly and thats a reduced rate).I have been to CODA meetings a but don't feel a connection. Maybe because I never heard anyone who seemed recovered and the meetings were always a downer. I don't always feel the Misery Loves Company thing does me much good. I have been to AlAnon and Naranon meetings and feel I get more help from those meetings, especially the Alanon, because I felt more hope there? I saw parents and spouses that seemed in a better place, more at peace, fixing their own life, which is what I desperately want. I know i have to pick one and really practice it. To get a Sponsor, etc. I hate long fixes i am a quick fixer, i want to solve problems fast.
My question to you is how do you handle people's questions? I am tired of people asking me how I am and having to answer fine because we know thats what they really want to hear. I am tired of hearing how great other peoples children are doing. I am tired of having to answer when they ask how my son is doing, and what he is doing. ( Oh he's doing fine! Never stays at a job more than a couple of months, never stays anywhere for more than a couple of months, recently busted for 2 lbs of pot, but otherwise he is doing great!) Also what do I say to my son? He calls almost everyday to say he loves me and not to worry that he will be fine. He doesn't ask for $ or how I feel about his life right now , he knows better, but when I can, I tell him he's better than this life he has chosen and that he is worth more than that, that I love him and always will but this life will end him in jail or dead so I cannot support any part of it, and I hope one day he will see it. But is it okay to "Chit Chat" with him? Talk to him about his court appearance and his defense? sometimes I just listen but I mostly want to yell at him. how connected do you stay? should I call him to see how he is doing? anyways thank parents for this site. It's so nice to know I am not alone.
I have been looking at this site for a few months and have found such support. My 22 year old son is a new addict. He did admit that he played around with pot and alcohol in High School, but it seemed to escalate when he went off to college. For the last 3 years I have watched him fall and try to climb out of it at least 5 times. At first I helped him financially and got him counceling when he would go. I thought it was a temporary crazy growing up stage and that he would eventually lose interest. Because at times thats what seemed to happen. Other times it seemed he was escaping into this life to avoid pain or just growing up. I was so wrapped up in the fixing that I was on auto pilot for so much of it. Doing damage control, and concentrating on his good times and not his failures. Refusing to see how bad it was getting. For a while he would do any drug someone would give him. Then it seemed he decided that life was too crazy and out of control for him, so he got away from it.He went into rehab for 1 month, left, and made excuses such as the other addicts were too hard core for him. Most of them were just out of prison. He thought he was done with drugs for good after that one. I had hoped that would scare him away from the life. Although he has done some pretty hard stuff, his DOC is marijuana. ( you see because Marijuana isn't a drug, its natural) He believes that the other drugs he did were destroying lives, but that Marijuana was different. He doesn't see that it has a strong hold on him. He has gone from an ambitious smart kid to a wandering loser. He believes that he is a marijuana rights activist. He is always moving around the West. So now he has been arrested for transporting 2 lbs of pot for delivery.( In another State than mine) He will probably get off for it because he was a passenger and not the owner of the car. He was terrified , cried and pleaded with his father for help, but now that he is ORed he seems the same. So he still doesn't get it and will be back in jail I am sure. I didn't bail him out, and i'm not sending $ even though I know he has none and has to stay in the area he was arrested because, he has court appearances. I have to stick to what i said to him, he is choosing this way of life so he will have to live with all that comes with it. Yet, I am full of pain and regret. I know that I can look ahead to years of pain. I have searched the past to try and find answers to why he is this way. I know all the answers for how I can deal with this, but its easier to read, then to do. Reading the post from the mother who lost her son just about killed me. Because I always here that I shouldnt worry because my son had a great upbringing and knows inside that this life won't make him happy and he will come back to us, he is smart and can take care of himself. He will always land on his feet etc. But I know thats not always true.
I am doing everything I am supposed to to heal myself. I have an awesome counselor who is also an addiction specialist. (but he's not on my HMO insurance so I pay about $500 a month to see him weekly and thats a reduced rate).I have been to CODA meetings a but don't feel a connection. Maybe because I never heard anyone who seemed recovered and the meetings were always a downer. I don't always feel the Misery Loves Company thing does me much good. I have been to AlAnon and Naranon meetings and feel I get more help from those meetings, especially the Alanon, because I felt more hope there? I saw parents and spouses that seemed in a better place, more at peace, fixing their own life, which is what I desperately want. I know i have to pick one and really practice it. To get a Sponsor, etc. I hate long fixes i am a quick fixer, i want to solve problems fast.
My question to you is how do you handle people's questions? I am tired of people asking me how I am and having to answer fine because we know thats what they really want to hear. I am tired of hearing how great other peoples children are doing. I am tired of having to answer when they ask how my son is doing, and what he is doing. ( Oh he's doing fine! Never stays at a job more than a couple of months, never stays anywhere for more than a couple of months, recently busted for 2 lbs of pot, but otherwise he is doing great!) Also what do I say to my son? He calls almost everyday to say he loves me and not to worry that he will be fine. He doesn't ask for $ or how I feel about his life right now , he knows better, but when I can, I tell him he's better than this life he has chosen and that he is worth more than that, that I love him and always will but this life will end him in jail or dead so I cannot support any part of it, and I hope one day he will see it. But is it okay to "Chit Chat" with him? Talk to him about his court appearance and his defense? sometimes I just listen but I mostly want to yell at him. how connected do you stay? should I call him to see how he is doing? anyways thank parents for this site. It's so nice to know I am not alone.
Last edited by BigSis; 09-22-2007 at 09:20 PM. Reason: Merged two duplicate threads - removed duplicate first post.
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
Hi CeCe, and welcome to SR. I'm not a parent of an addict, I was married to one, but I am a parent of 3 young adults.
Detaching with love doesn't mean no contact, just the opposite, love your son, talk to your son as often and as much as you can or want, just set your boundaries about what you want. You seem to have a pretty good handle on that already.
Just take one day at a time, and make the most of that day. Answering others inquiries about how you are or how your son is can be warded of in many ways. But as long as people care, they will still ask. For those who don't really care but are just asking, well, I used to be pretty blunt, or funny with comments like hey, I hear the world is comming to an end soon, so does it really matter. That may be rude, but it worked. (-:
Again, welcome. I'm shure a whole bunch of moms will respond soon, weekends are a little slow, but I just wanted to respond to let you know we care.
B
Detaching with love doesn't mean no contact, just the opposite, love your son, talk to your son as often and as much as you can or want, just set your boundaries about what you want. You seem to have a pretty good handle on that already.
Just take one day at a time, and make the most of that day. Answering others inquiries about how you are or how your son is can be warded of in many ways. But as long as people care, they will still ask. For those who don't really care but are just asking, well, I used to be pretty blunt, or funny with comments like hey, I hear the world is comming to an end soon, so does it really matter. That may be rude, but it worked. (-:
Again, welcome. I'm shure a whole bunch of moms will respond soon, weekends are a little slow, but I just wanted to respond to let you know we care.
B
krhea75
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: macomb, il
Posts: 644
Hey there cece,
I can so relate to many of the things you said! You have written in one post what many of us have written in many posts. I too have a wonderful son who was brought up the right way. He has been in jail twice, rehab 5 times and is now ready to go to a halfway house. And he's only 17. I maintain hope by choice. It helps me get through the day. It is not unrealistic hope or denial. But it is hope that one day my son will realize that he wants more for himself. People do recover from addiction everyday. But there are no fast fixes. Sorry about that. That's why it's so important to take care of yourself and try to move on with your life. Af far as other people, most of the time if they are sincerely wanting to know, I tell them the truth. You would be surprised at how being open and vulnerable to others allows them to do the same. Addiction is such a common disease. Most everyone has a connection to it.
You sound like a strong mom who has done some awesome work on yourself already. Keep it up. Yes I miss my son and I have rounds of guilt, anger, depression (Just read my posts! lol). But I keep moving. So can you.
Hugs from one mom to another.
Krhea
I can so relate to many of the things you said! You have written in one post what many of us have written in many posts. I too have a wonderful son who was brought up the right way. He has been in jail twice, rehab 5 times and is now ready to go to a halfway house. And he's only 17. I maintain hope by choice. It helps me get through the day. It is not unrealistic hope or denial. But it is hope that one day my son will realize that he wants more for himself. People do recover from addiction everyday. But there are no fast fixes. Sorry about that. That's why it's so important to take care of yourself and try to move on with your life. Af far as other people, most of the time if they are sincerely wanting to know, I tell them the truth. You would be surprised at how being open and vulnerable to others allows them to do the same. Addiction is such a common disease. Most everyone has a connection to it.
You sound like a strong mom who has done some awesome work on yourself already. Keep it up. Yes I miss my son and I have rounds of guilt, anger, depression (Just read my posts! lol). But I keep moving. So can you.
Hugs from one mom to another.
Krhea
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Welcome cece, My addict is my 21 year old daughter. Her drug of choice is opiates (heroin, vicodin, oxycontin). She is living with her 37 year old crack addict boyfriend who supplies the drugs. My daughter was once so full of promise. Now she lives day to day for her drugs. I went through all kinds of emotions. Had a hard time letting go because I, too, feared that if I let her go then she would surely die. For the last year I have really worked on myself and my fears and need to control things. She is no better (actually worse) but I am tons better. It takes time and it takes patience and it takes work to change ourselves. But it sure is better than living in that fear. I have not seen my daughter since the beginning of March. It was just too hard for me to see her self-destruction and it was not helping me to get better. Recently we have had phone conversations. I am no longer mad at her, I no longer feel hatred toward her and I no longer feel the need to fix her. I leave that up to her and God. I talk to her about her addiction but I no longer harp on her about it. I say things once and then I let them go. I know that she will not really hear the message until she is ready and right now she is not ready. I do not give her any kind of financial help as I feel that that only makes it easier for her to stay in denial and to continue to use. I have given her back the responsibility for her addiction and her recovery should she someday choose to go that route. I love her every bit as much as I have always loved her. But I realize she has her journey through life and I have mine. It is enough for me to take care of myself. Hugs, Marle
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
cece, welcome. This could get complicated because we have a Cece also, but we'll figure it out.
My son is an addict so I know your pain. I'm glad you joined us and hope you will make yourself comfortable and take a read around.
I have learned not to discuss my son's addiction in any detail with anyone other than trusted friends and members of my support groups. People who have never been exposed to the horror of addiction (we call them Earth People or Normies, here)will never understand addiction or living with it in a million years.
More will be along to meet you soon, Saturdays can be slow around here as people are out for the day often.
Again, I'm glad you are joining us on our journey of recovery.
Hugs
Ann
My son is an addict so I know your pain. I'm glad you joined us and hope you will make yourself comfortable and take a read around.
I have learned not to discuss my son's addiction in any detail with anyone other than trusted friends and members of my support groups. People who have never been exposed to the horror of addiction (we call them Earth People or Normies, here)will never understand addiction or living with it in a million years.
More will be along to meet you soon, Saturdays can be slow around here as people are out for the day often.
Again, I'm glad you are joining us on our journey of recovery.
Hugs
Ann
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: tn
Posts: 663
Hey Cece. My daughter is the addict in my life. I am glad you found this site. Yes, reading about it is much easier than practicing it. And "it" doesn't come overnight. In my experience, I had to feel each step along the way to get to where I am now. I wanted an instant fix for me too, but recovery is a slow process for our addicts as well as ourselves. Be kind to yourself and take your time through all of these feelings.
Welcome to SR - the people here are great and we all learn from each other.
Terri
Welcome to SR - the people here are great and we all learn from each other.
Terri
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
i am glad you are here. welcome, there is alot of support here. i can not answer your questions even tho my son is the addict in my life. everybody here take their own pace learning & working the steps to recovery. it is not a quick fix for any of us. we all love our addict children & most come from clean sober homes. just do what you feel comfortable doing with you son. read the stickys at the top of the page & remember this is not your fault.it will not get any better till he is ready for it too.keep coming back. i am glad you are going to meeting. prayer for you & your son.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 285
Welcome to SR. Not great circumstances though. I too have a supposedly recovering addict son that is 22 years old. I say supposedly because he went to a rehab for about 6-7 weeks and came home with a new lease on life. He stayed clean for about 4 months, but me and my husband thinks he's using again. He just got a great job too, and they randomly drug test, so we just don't know what's going to happen. As soon as he has money, he goes back to using, which leads me to believe, that he really doesn't want to quit.
I know how you feel. Knowing that our son might be using again, makes me not even want to look at him. I think I'm past the anger now, but I think I feel more sadness. I can't believe he cannot and will not recover. This has been going on with our family for over 2 years now. But I think he's been using for at least 4. It is such a rollercoaster ride.
THere is lots of great support here and I'm not sure what I would do if it wasn't for these wonderful people. Keep reading and posting. I don't think there's any right or wrong way to act. I'm not even sure I can give any advice right now, because I don't know myself what the next week is going to bring.
Good luck to you and keep us updated.
I know how you feel. Knowing that our son might be using again, makes me not even want to look at him. I think I'm past the anger now, but I think I feel more sadness. I can't believe he cannot and will not recover. This has been going on with our family for over 2 years now. But I think he's been using for at least 4. It is such a rollercoaster ride.
THere is lots of great support here and I'm not sure what I would do if it wasn't for these wonderful people. Keep reading and posting. I don't think there's any right or wrong way to act. I'm not even sure I can give any advice right now, because I don't know myself what the next week is going to bring.
Good luck to you and keep us updated.
Get Caught Reading
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
((((((cece2)))))))
I'm gonna call ya cece2. I don't wanna confuse my ol' lady brain with 2 ceces. lol
I'm Linda and my addict is my 25 yo son.
He's a dry addict for now. Thank God.
He'll be going to a psychiatrist on October 2nd to start, I can only pray, some much needed therapy.
I've been coming to sr since October 2005. It's been my lifesaver.
I'm glad your here and I hope you continue to share with us.
This is a good group o' people we've got here.
You and your son are in my prayers.
I'm gonna call ya cece2. I don't wanna confuse my ol' lady brain with 2 ceces. lol
I'm Linda and my addict is my 25 yo son.
He's a dry addict for now. Thank God.
He'll be going to a psychiatrist on October 2nd to start, I can only pray, some much needed therapy.
I've been coming to sr since October 2005. It's been my lifesaver.
I'm glad your here and I hope you continue to share with us.
This is a good group o' people we've got here.
You and your son are in my prayers.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Danville,Va
Posts: 304
cece, I don't feel able to give advice at this time because I failed to help my son so miserably, but it sounds as if your doing the right thing. Things I wish that I had done when John was younger.
It may have made all the differnce in the world.
I'll be praying for you.
Trish
It may have made all the differnce in the world.
I'll be praying for you.
Trish
I'm HOME!!!!!
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Hot flash city
Posts: 573
(((Cece)))
Welcome to SR!! My addict is my 30 year old daughter. I am currently raising her 12 year old son.
Yes we can relate to the heartache!! My daughter was missing for 7 mos last year so it's hard for me to cut off contact now. My grandson sooo lights up when we see her. She is currently on methadone, and waiting for a rehab bed, so I'm not sure where we are headed. She was homeless for awhile, then got an apt, and soon to be homeless again.
This is a hard journey, but at least we don't have to walk it alone. And unfortunately, people who are not going through it, just don't understand.
Just wanted to welcome you here!!
More will be along shortly
Welcome to SR!! My addict is my 30 year old daughter. I am currently raising her 12 year old son.
Yes we can relate to the heartache!! My daughter was missing for 7 mos last year so it's hard for me to cut off contact now. My grandson sooo lights up when we see her. She is currently on methadone, and waiting for a rehab bed, so I'm not sure where we are headed. She was homeless for awhile, then got an apt, and soon to be homeless again.
This is a hard journey, but at least we don't have to walk it alone. And unfortunately, people who are not going through it, just don't understand.
Just wanted to welcome you here!!
More will be along shortly
StrivingToThrive
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: san diego, ca
Posts: 425
Originally Posted by ladyjane 
cece, I don't feel able to give advice at this time because I failed to help my son so miserably, but it sounds as if your doing the right thing. Things I wish that I had done when John was younger.
It may have made all the differnce in the world.
I'll be praying for you.
Trish
It may have made all the differnce in the world.
I'll be praying for you.
Trish
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 388
Originally Posted by ladyjane
I don't feel able to give advice at this time because I failed to help my son so miserably
Trish
Trish
You did not fail your son.
xxoo
Cece,
Welcome to SR, relax, pull up a chair.
I am the mother of a 20 year old AS and a 22 year old AD.
Glad your here,
Colleen
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: dallas texas
Posts: 1,629
Hi, I'm Susan, mother of 23yo AD. I don't have any advice today, except continue what you are doing and let God do the rest. You have to take care of you, you can not fix him. I tried for over 5 years, it doesn't work that way.
Trish, You did not fail! Your son, like my daughter, had choices. You didn't make that choice for him. He failed himself, just like Kasey has noone to blame but herself for her failure.
Prayers to both,
susan
Trish, You did not fail! Your son, like my daughter, had choices. You didn't make that choice for him. He failed himself, just like Kasey has noone to blame but herself for her failure.
Prayers to both,
susan
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Welcome...There are many parents here in pain and many who believe they could have done something different. But we all do the best we can do with what we know at the time. I believe no parent fails when they provide love to their children.
I'm glad you found SR...Cece2 (great idea Linda!)
Hugs
I'm glad you found SR...Cece2 (great idea Linda!)
Hugs
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Cece,
Welcome to SR. As I read your post, I could identify with so much of it. I have an addicted daughter, 25, who is presently in recovery and sober today, thank you, God. She does it one day at a time.
Cece, you are experiencing so much of what we parents go through. Cut yourself some slack and realize you have been a good parent and have done the best you knew to do at the time.
The way I began to heal was by attending Al Anon meetings and by coming to this board often. I'll be honest with you. There are no quick fixes to this situation we find ourselves in because the disease of addiction is a family illness. And the illness didn't happen overnight and it's not going to get healed overnight.
Please try some more face to face meetings. We say go to at least six meetings before you give up on them. I'm so thankful I gave my meetings a chance. I have a totally different outlook on life, a much better one than I had 5 years ago when we started this journey. I learned I have a choice, just like my daughter, about how to choose to live my life. And I had to learn that I could not base my happiness on how she was living.
Tough things, cece, for us to learn. But I found out that the sooner I started learning them, (going to my meetings and trying to follow the 12 steps), the better I started getting. I'm a work in progress, just like my daughter.
Remember, your son has to do what he has to do to get to where his Higher Power wants him. In my situation, things only got worse when I tried to "discuss" (funny those discussions usually ended up with my voiced being raised) my daughter's addiction with her. So I backed off and things began to get better. Now that's just my 2 cents worth on that.
And re what to tell people, I have a friend who says when asked about her son, "Well, he's doing as good as he can" and leaves it at that. There have been many times I have responded, very light heartedly because I know these folks don't really care anyway... "Well, she's trying to grow up." I usually chuckle and then I change the subject. You are not obligated to tell anyone anything. Like Ann said, I only share my life with my trusted friends. "Earth people" just do NOT understand addiction.
Keep coming back, cece. There's lots of support here from some really great recovering people.
Hugs cause I know exactly how you are feeling,
Hangin' In
Welcome to SR. As I read your post, I could identify with so much of it. I have an addicted daughter, 25, who is presently in recovery and sober today, thank you, God. She does it one day at a time.
Cece, you are experiencing so much of what we parents go through. Cut yourself some slack and realize you have been a good parent and have done the best you knew to do at the time.
The way I began to heal was by attending Al Anon meetings and by coming to this board often. I'll be honest with you. There are no quick fixes to this situation we find ourselves in because the disease of addiction is a family illness. And the illness didn't happen overnight and it's not going to get healed overnight.
Please try some more face to face meetings. We say go to at least six meetings before you give up on them. I'm so thankful I gave my meetings a chance. I have a totally different outlook on life, a much better one than I had 5 years ago when we started this journey. I learned I have a choice, just like my daughter, about how to choose to live my life. And I had to learn that I could not base my happiness on how she was living.
Tough things, cece, for us to learn. But I found out that the sooner I started learning them, (going to my meetings and trying to follow the 12 steps), the better I started getting. I'm a work in progress, just like my daughter.
Remember, your son has to do what he has to do to get to where his Higher Power wants him. In my situation, things only got worse when I tried to "discuss" (funny those discussions usually ended up with my voiced being raised) my daughter's addiction with her. So I backed off and things began to get better. Now that's just my 2 cents worth on that.
And re what to tell people, I have a friend who says when asked about her son, "Well, he's doing as good as he can" and leaves it at that. There have been many times I have responded, very light heartedly because I know these folks don't really care anyway... "Well, she's trying to grow up." I usually chuckle and then I change the subject. You are not obligated to tell anyone anything. Like Ann said, I only share my life with my trusted friends. "Earth people" just do NOT understand addiction.
Keep coming back, cece. There's lots of support here from some really great recovering people.
Hugs cause I know exactly how you are feeling,
Hangin' In
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Welcome aboard from another Mother of 23 yr old AS
Sometimes we can step in and offer recovery options and other times we just have to leave them alone. I have learned not to take his behavior personally.
I'm living in my own recovery with the help of al-anon and that has made knowing that my only child is an addict bearable. My life if fabulous regardless of what he is doing and I strive to keep it that way. I have learned to manage my sadness so that it does not ruin the rest of my life. It can be done. I learned to take my own inventory instead of his and to work on myself.
Lately my son has been around a lot and has just started seeing a therapist. Maybe he is ready to change...This is a journey. He has not chosen the life I wanted for him, but it is his life and he has to figure it out. Now if he seeks my council I give it otherwise, he's on his own. Wishing you the strenght to find the skills you need to be at peace with your son.
Sometimes we can step in and offer recovery options and other times we just have to leave them alone. I have learned not to take his behavior personally.
I'm living in my own recovery with the help of al-anon and that has made knowing that my only child is an addict bearable. My life if fabulous regardless of what he is doing and I strive to keep it that way. I have learned to manage my sadness so that it does not ruin the rest of my life. It can be done. I learned to take my own inventory instead of his and to work on myself.
Lately my son has been around a lot and has just started seeing a therapist. Maybe he is ready to change...This is a journey. He has not chosen the life I wanted for him, but it is his life and he has to figure it out. Now if he seeks my council I give it otherwise, he's on his own. Wishing you the strenght to find the skills you need to be at peace with your son.
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