brokenforeva

I know from reading this web that someone will be able to help me.I have been married to an addict for 21 years which I didn't know until after we got married and i had our first child. I knew when we met that he drank and dabbled in cocaine I met him in a bar I worked at.(I'm no saint i dabbled to at work) But when we got married I stopped and thought he had to. Until I found out that before we met he was a herion addict I flipped him and his family assured me that was over and he was clean for 2 years. So I went on forgave him for not telling me. Caught him doing coke a couple more times told him I would leave on account of the 2 kids we now had. He said he would quit I stayed once agian. Then about 10 years ago I became pregnant agian (by the way it was after i had my tubes cut and corterised) we where happy because we wanted more kids but i almost died with my 2nd then got pregnant when my 2nd was 2years old lost that baby at 4 months so decided not to take a chance anymore. Well along came the 3rd BUT found out when i was 3months he was crack head as well as pills. So i did not want to bring another baby into what would be the end of a marriage (I thought) Well the ass that I am stayed because he checked into rehab for 12 days. followed the program for 2 years. Then they said he just needed to go to AA meetings he did for about 2 months but the kids got older and sports started and he wanted to coach so i said ok you have been wonderful for so long just maybe you can go when you feel you need to. WHAT A MISTAKE about another 6 months after caught him with pills agian once agian I said okay your father passed away I get it but quit or I leave go back to meeting for help if you don't want to talk to me. He said ok went to a few then needed to get back to coaching it made him feel better BUT what I didn't know was he was using agian. Well this went on for 2 more years kept forgiving the entered him in detox 3 years ago he went to classes after for about 4 months then stopped said he was not like those dirtbags and he was all better now he gets it knows I will leave with the kids Well didn't stop there for the past 2 1/2 years on and off every couple of months Till i finally called my parents to come get me and the kids in July. Now he was cring begging said this is last time i will go to detox agian i can't lose you and the kids He went they never admitted him b/c his urine sample was clean b/c he took subloxin before he went so they have been doing outpatient with no perscription b/c they though and i also that he detoxed himself when he spent that weekend sick like I've never seen. Was going to his 2 meetings per week But what they or I didn't know was he was using on the days he knew that by the timme he was tested every thursday he would test clean. I don't know how (once he told me he could buy this stuff over the counter so i'm think that could be it to) He was also hitting me and his mother up for money (which she failed to tell me OH and did i mention his mother drinks everyday as well and his father alcholic, sisters drink and do pills but they told me oh hes all better now eveytime) I'm such an ass I can't blame them or him b/c I STAYED now i hate him as a person (oh he's back in detox as of yesterday).But here I am still living in this house unable to get my act together and leave which my son keeps saying please don't be mad at daddy can't you work it out (he's just turned 9) middle child says don't worry he will get better this time he means it my son thinks hes upstate daughter knows even though he told her he was going upstate. Found that out last night. So good people can you help me to get strong and leave. I am tring meetings but there so late at night and very scarce. where i live i have access to 2 both 8pm tuesday which i see a councler already other thursday 8pm I have kids that both go to school next morning and full time job that i don't get home till 6pm or later some days SO PLEASE any advice hopefully will help. Taking my only sick day and floating holiday this week to try and figure this out before he gets out. Mother and sisters say I should stand by the man i love and we should all pull together told them i would have to think about it b/c all though i still love him I want to leave and I hate him as a person they didn't like it but understood and asked to please go to the meeting with them for familys on Sat. to support him. I thank-you for listening and having this site for me wish I would of found it years ago.
SSSOO BROKEN

Ann

Welcome Broken, I am sorry for your pain.

Sadly, you can't change anyone else, addict or family of addict, no matter how hard you try.

I don't know if you have been to any live meetings, but if not I highly recommend it. Meetings saved my sanity and saved my life.

Working a program of recovery for ourselves takes us out of the overwhelming problem and allows us to begin working on the solution.

Other will be along to share, but please know that you are not walking alone here.

Hugs

cece1960

Add my welcome also, Broken.

It sounds like you've reached your breaking point.
Now may be a good time to sit down and begin a plan if leaving is really what you have decided.
Keep reminding yourself that you are not to blame for any of this.

You don't have to act on your plan immediately if you're not ready...just having one relieves some of the struggle.

As far as the family counceling, if you are not comfortable, don't go. I doubt it would do anyone much good if you are feeling pressured to attend.
You are important also...
(((Hugs)))
Cece

BrokenBridges24

awww (((Broken)))

My experience is when they go in rehab they have an option to go in a half way house. He should probably start moving on with that. Gives you more time to decide what is best for you.

I agree with Ann. Get to a meeting if you can. Do they offer family counseling where he is at? If so I think you should go and tell him how you feel. Part of his recovery is accepting what he has done and owning it.

Lastly, take care of you. Do not worry what others say. You have to take care of you and your kids. You are most important because without you, who will be in charge of those children?

We are with you and I am going to say a prayer for you and your family. (((major hugs)))

_Broken

brokenforeva

I can't thank-you enough hopefully soon iwill learn b/c i can't take it anymore

brokenforeva

i really don't want to go but you know that old saying curiosity killed the cat well i'm that cat always wanting to know the out come of everything So i want to really know how much his family is going to back me like they say HA!! or if they are going to blame me so that will be the final straw b/c i want them to gather agianst me so it will be a good out
THANK-YOU ALL for the hugs and prayers
((((((SSSOOO BBAACCKK AAATT YYOOUU AAALLL)))))

caileesnana

no adivse, only thoughts and prayers!
welcome, you are in a good place.
susan