newblue82

I just had a huge fight with my AGF. She and her son came by to see me and I noticed that her eyes were red and droopy and her speech was slurred. Well, immediately I asked her WTF she'd been doing this evening and why she looked the way she looked. She told me that she'd been drinking with a good friend of hers and had drank too much but swore that she wasn't using again. Of course, I'm skeptical.

So I asked her son what she'd been doing all night because he and I are real close and I know he wouldn't lie to me and he told me she'd drank too much and on top of that she'd taken her pain medicine because she has prescribed pain medicine for a chronic back problem. Needless to say I'm frustrated and hurt because I tried to explain to her that she shouldn't be drinking if she's in recovery and certainly not drinking in addition to taking pain medicine. It was like talking to a brick wall and I can't help but wonder if I should worry that this could lead her back into active addiction. She's been doing so well.

Am I wrong? It's my understanding that addicts in recovery are not supposed to get involved with any potentially addictive substances including alcohol because it can lead to other things.

MichelleODAT

I am sorry that you are going through this with your friend -- but no we are not supposed to be drinking or using drugs when we are trying to honestly work the NA 12 step program. It sounds to me that someone is not ready to quit. All you can do is pray cause until she is ready then there is nothing noone can do to make her stop.

frankly

((newblue))

Is she? Should she? Will she? All questions that only she can answer. Her recovery or not is her side of the street. Should she be drinking and taking her pain meds if she is supposed to be in recovery, of course not, but then that is what addicts do. The real question is what steps can you take to prevent her actions from affecting your life. Do you have any bounderies set in place? If so, did she break them? What were the consequences of her breaking them? You can not and will not be able to control what she does, but you can control how you react to what she does.

Stepping out of her arena and into your own is hard to do sometimes, especially when you get drawn into an argument, but if you can detach with love, then it really want matter what she is or is not doing.

All said with with caring and concern.

Hugs
B

rahsue

It took my son a good year of relapsing to realize that when he drank it let his recovery guard down.

laurie6781

I am more concerned about the boy, not only that she is dragging him with her, and then you ask him about it.

I don't know what you are doing, however, had it been and an ex of mine had shown up in that condition, I would have the police on the phone an then either call
the emergency number for Children's Services or have the police call. That is Child Abuse and that boy was in Danger.

You can't help her, you know that, but as close as you were to the child, you can make a call every time something like this happens, that is a great way to get ongoing documentation, and if you do the calls from a cell phone, each month you will have proof of how many times you have called in a complaint. That boy needs someone on his side.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

GiveLove

How old is her son? Is he an adult - is he the one doing the driving?

And if he's not...she's drinking, taking painkillers, and then driving around with her son? And you're worried about HER?

You know you can't change what she's doing. You're choosing to take a front-row seat to her addiction again. Not sure why?

Hugs,
GL

Wascally Wabbit

I have to agree with Laurie, The boy would be my biggest concern. Drugs can make people do things they would never think of doing sober.
I have stopped helping addicts in my life. I now focus on people who are deserving and willing to work for a good life.
I can only say what I would do but it is your decison.
This poor boy has to live with an alcohollic mother. She could be endangering his life, and I am sure he's scared like any kid would be.
I would try to help this boy. That's the mother in me. I absolutely HATE to see children suffer.

newblue82

Actually her son is 24. He and I are the same age which is why we are so close. As far as boundaries go. . .an absolute boundary is this which she is aware of that under no circumstances am I going to stay with her should she go into active addiction again. Other than that which to me is the most important boundary and the most important understanding between she and I, there's no other boundaries.

As you all said and I am aware of, I cannot control what she does. I can get frustrated though when it seems she's pi$$ing away close to three months of sobriety. I found though that if I make a conscious effort to detach myself through love for her that it really doesn't bother me as much becasuse it is out of my hands.

Thank you all for responding. I guess I'm really trying to get a clear understanding of what recovery entails for her. I already know what it entails for me and I'm improving but I'm only human and sometimes "relapse" myself.

Viki

Newblues
I'm so sorry that you are going through this. You obviously care a great deal for her. The lying and broken promises will wear you down very soon. The trust issue is already a problem. I hope that she comes around soon. I also hope that her son is doing the driving. she needs to go to a meeting immediately,...........Viki

Ann

Newblue, I am really sorry you are going through this, and agree with the wise ones above that there is just nothing you can do to stop her if she won't stop herself.

Alcohol is a drug. If she is drinking, whether or not she is taking pain killers too, she IS in active addiction. It doesn't matter what the drug is, when a person continues to abuse a substance they are in active addiction.

I'm not sure you understood that, many of us didn't at first.

Also, the combination of pain killers and alcohol can be lethal. That doesn't mean we can stop them, but knowing that helps us to understand how very sick they are.

My prayers go out for both of you, it's a sad thing this addiction.

Hugs