Language of Letting Go - September 16
Nature Girl
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Language of Letting Go - September 16
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Revenge
No matter how long we've been recovering, no matter how solid our spiritual ground, we may still feel an overwhelming desire at times to punish, or get even, with another person.
We want revenge.
We want to see the other person hurt the way he or she has hurt us. We want to see life deal that person just rewards. In fact, we would like to help life out.
Those are normal feelings, but we do not have to act on them. These feelings are part of our anger but it's not our job to deal justice.
We can allow ourselves to feel the anger. It is helpful to go one step deeper and let ourselves feel the other feelings - the hurt, the pain, the anguish. But our goal is to release the feelings, and be finished with them.
We can hold the other person accountable. We can hold the other person responsible. But it is not our responsibility to be judge and jury. Actively seeking revenge will not help us. It will block us and hold us back.
Walk away. Stop playing the game. Unhook. Learn your lesson. Thank the other person for having taught you something valuable. And be finished with it. Put it behind, with the lesson intact.
Acceptance helps. So does forgiveness - not the kind that invites that person to use us again, but a forgiveness that releases the other person and sets him or her free to walk a separate path, while releasing our anger and resentments. That sets us free to walk our own path.
Today, I will be as angry as I need to be, with a goal of finishing my business with others. Once I have released my hurt and anger, I will strive for healthy forgiveness - forgiveness with boundaries. I understand that boundaries, coupled with forgiveness and compassion, will move me forward.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Revenge
No matter how long we've been recovering, no matter how solid our spiritual ground, we may still feel an overwhelming desire at times to punish, or get even, with another person.
We want revenge.
We want to see the other person hurt the way he or she has hurt us. We want to see life deal that person just rewards. In fact, we would like to help life out.
Those are normal feelings, but we do not have to act on them. These feelings are part of our anger but it's not our job to deal justice.
We can allow ourselves to feel the anger. It is helpful to go one step deeper and let ourselves feel the other feelings - the hurt, the pain, the anguish. But our goal is to release the feelings, and be finished with them.
We can hold the other person accountable. We can hold the other person responsible. But it is not our responsibility to be judge and jury. Actively seeking revenge will not help us. It will block us and hold us back.
Walk away. Stop playing the game. Unhook. Learn your lesson. Thank the other person for having taught you something valuable. And be finished with it. Put it behind, with the lesson intact.
Acceptance helps. So does forgiveness - not the kind that invites that person to use us again, but a forgiveness that releases the other person and sets him or her free to walk a separate path, while releasing our anger and resentments. That sets us free to walk our own path.
Today, I will be as angry as I need to be, with a goal of finishing my business with others. Once I have released my hurt and anger, I will strive for healthy forgiveness - forgiveness with boundaries. I understand that boundaries, coupled with forgiveness and compassion, will move me forward.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
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We can allow ourselves to feel the anger. It is helpful to go one step deeper and let ourselves feel the other feelings - the hurt, the pain, the anguish. But our goal is to release the feelings, and be finished with them.
We can hold the other person accountable. We can hold the other person responsible. But it is not our responsibility to be judge and jury. Actively seeking revenge will not help us. It will block us and hold us back.
We can hold the other person accountable. We can hold the other person responsible. But it is not our responsibility to be judge and jury. Actively seeking revenge will not help us. It will block us and hold us back.
Thanks Ann. Hugs
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
I tend to harbour my resentments and often times catch myself wishing bad things on people that have hurt me deeply. It only leaves me feeling dirty.
When a major event happens, I absorb the impact, when someone does something to hurt me, if it is a loved one, I tend to take it and not speak up. If it's a stranger or someone that I have no feelings for, I blast them right then and there and my anger gets released. But a loved one, I just can't seem to cause them any pain or conflict no matter what they have done. At first it seems that I'm OK, that I've let it just bounce off of me, but then slowly over time my anger and resentment and hurt creaps in and I catch myself feeling good about their miss-fortunes. Payback, you deserved that. It's not a good place to be, because then I don't like myself for having those feelings.
I have an elephants brain in that I never forget a hurt. Even years later, I harbor that hurt and that desire for them to hurt, that revenge. I really don't get over it entirely until I know they hurt over something the same as I did. Then my desire for revenge fades.
The only thing that I have found that helps me overcome those feelings, is actually praying for the person that hurt me. My prayer is simple, I pray that they find their HP. That their higher power comes into their lives and touches them. I know that if that happens, then that person will be changed, that person will understand then how much they hurt me, they will feel the pain of their own actions just like I did. They will care about what they did. Then revenge is no longer an issue.
Isn't that really what revenge is all about, making them hurt...making them care about what they did? If they came to you and apologized for what they did and they were truelly in their heart sorry for what they did, wouldn't forgiveness of that action be so very easy? Knowing that they really cared and were sorry and wanted to change that about themselves?
So I pray, I pray hard that they find their HP, that he comes into their lives and changes them forever. That's better than any revenge.
B
When a major event happens, I absorb the impact, when someone does something to hurt me, if it is a loved one, I tend to take it and not speak up. If it's a stranger or someone that I have no feelings for, I blast them right then and there and my anger gets released. But a loved one, I just can't seem to cause them any pain or conflict no matter what they have done. At first it seems that I'm OK, that I've let it just bounce off of me, but then slowly over time my anger and resentment and hurt creaps in and I catch myself feeling good about their miss-fortunes. Payback, you deserved that. It's not a good place to be, because then I don't like myself for having those feelings.
I have an elephants brain in that I never forget a hurt. Even years later, I harbor that hurt and that desire for them to hurt, that revenge. I really don't get over it entirely until I know they hurt over something the same as I did. Then my desire for revenge fades.
The only thing that I have found that helps me overcome those feelings, is actually praying for the person that hurt me. My prayer is simple, I pray that they find their HP. That their higher power comes into their lives and touches them. I know that if that happens, then that person will be changed, that person will understand then how much they hurt me, they will feel the pain of their own actions just like I did. They will care about what they did. Then revenge is no longer an issue.
Isn't that really what revenge is all about, making them hurt...making them care about what they did? If they came to you and apologized for what they did and they were truelly in their heart sorry for what they did, wouldn't forgiveness of that action be so very easy? Knowing that they really cared and were sorry and wanted to change that about themselves?
So I pray, I pray hard that they find their HP, that he comes into their lives and changes them forever. That's better than any revenge.
B
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