catecicc

last night to FINALLY go to sleep. Let me re-phrase that. My abf went out last night with a friend. Usually this strikes fear in the heart of this co-dependent. I stay up all night panicking about what he’s doing, where he is…you all know the deal. Last night, I don’t know where it was sheer exhaustion or just me finally starting to let go. I went to the gym, took a shower and put myself to bed. And for once….I actually slept. When he came home…sober (wow!!!!!!) I woke up, but went back to bed and he followed right after me. He just called me at work to say hi and wondered if we could spend some time together tonight. I made the choice that while he is using to make myself as scarce as possible until (if it comes to it) I can get myself out completely. That’s so so so uncommon for him….I guess my master plan is starting to work.

It’s helping and for the first time in a long time, I can smile.

greeteachday

Good for you! I remember the first night I slept even though something was going on that usually had me walking the floors and feeling sick. What a relief! For me sleep also helps me to stay more focused and to think more rationally...I tend to become undone if one or more of the HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) symptoms are messing with my serenity.

Hope you can keep taking those baby steps of shifting the focus from him to you...As you see, the rewards pay off. Hugs

Selah

I finally slept too this week! after a couuple al-anon meetings, reading...and the abf leaving for rehab. I slept TWO nights this week congrats

havehope

Glad you had a good nights sleep! Maybe this will continue tonight! I hope so! I know what a difference it makes to get a good night's sleep!
Sweet dreams tonight!

Terri

catecicc

Thank you for your responses, it has been refreshing. I just wish the panicky feeling would go away. I am still playing slightly into my co-dependant behaviors. I checked his phone last night. I know, I know. I am mad at myself too. I saw that he called one of his buddies that he used to use (or still is using with) and I found a random card on our bar. Usually this means he's using. (My BF's DOC is coke) So now I feel back at square one. I can't obviously ask about the phone. But I handed the card back to him when I was cleaning the house. I didn't ask at that time, but question, can I or should I ask? Honestly, I am not sure I want to know the answer.

help!!

Selah

omg, that is the worst isnt it! I used to check his phone too and I always felt horrible about it! but it's tough b/c everytime I would find text & calls to the drug dealers as he was claiming he was clean...
but whenever I checked his phone, his car - anything I always told him. I did not want to display any unhonest behaviors & contribute to the situation. Yes he was always mad as hell! but I always said I did it b/c I cared and was worried. They know why you're doing it...and of course you want the answer, you wouldn't look and wonder right now if you didn't. And you do want to know what kind of r/ship you're in right? You deserve to know the truth and franklly not asking is just helping him ignore the problem

finally I had to stop b/c it was upsetting me just to know he made the calls -- but the truth is I couldn't and can't stop him, and shouldn't try. I feel for you!