ladyamalthea

I hope everyone has been doing well. I haven't been here in the past week or so, which is a long time for me lol.

Anyways, I was reminded tonight that my recovery from my sister's addiction goes much farther than just getting over the aspects that relate to her. I also have to practice the recovery tools in other areas... especially when it comes to this particular student of mine... I get sick at my stomach just thinking about him right now. Here's what happened:

I gave him a discipline referral for not showing up for detention. He decided to retaliate by throwing his belongings, books, etc all over the floor as loudly and obnoxiously as he could. I calmly sat down and wrote out another referral for being a classroom disruption. When I gave that to him, he made a fat joke about me, saying, "I'll take your damn pink slips, and I'll bring you back some donuts and milk; maybe then you'll be in a better mood!" as he danced out the door. The rest of the class heard this, and roared in laughter.

Since then, the child has been removed from my class, mainly because I discovered he wasn't supposed to be in there to begin with, but I am still mortified. I know the kids have probably all forgotten it already, but frankly I had a very hard time not thinking about it today when I had to walk around the room in front of a bunch of kids who just heard someone call me fat. Not that they probably weren't already thinking it... but something about the idea of them hearing it acknowledged just tore me to shreds.

And the worst part is... the administrator who handled it claimed all he could do was give this little punk 3 detentions... for that?!? For commenting on a teacher's body in front of an entire class?!? I've seen other kids get a week of ISS for far less. So now, he has gotten away with it (being removed from my room is no punishment for him; he was eager to find a way out). I saw him in the hallway today and I almost vomited right then and there. I have almost as hard of a time seeing the administrator who let it slide.

I know I need to forgive and move on... but I'm having such a hard time with it.

If only it was okay to knock some sense into him... or maybe I'm the one who needs it

marle

Lady, I had a student with unmedicated ADHD. He came from a wealthy family and so was always being given special priviledges like getting out of trouble. I know this kid outside of school and he is a good kid, but when he has an audience of his peers he has a great need to show off and get their approval. For some reason he decided that he would get that approval by doing and saying things to humiliate me. He got the laughter and I got the humiliation. I tried everything to stop it since I did not have the support of my superiors due to the kid's family's standing in our small community. Everyone would just tell me to ignore him or they tried to say that because I knew him outside of school he somehow had the right to do this to me. Last school year was really bad and I came home feeling badly several times. Finally I decided to ignore him the best that I could. I looked at him and decided to feel sorry for him instead of letting him hurt me. It really was sad that somehow he had to make fun of others to feel good about himself. It worked and this year he is attending another school. I hope that you can see that this boy has problems and that you just got in his way, so to speak, and he needed to feel good about himself by putting you down. I bet that this is common with him. Hugs, Marle

Elana

My sister is a teaching assistant. She is also morbidly obese and a type 2 diabetic with lung function problems. Her weight is going to kill her as assuredly as any drug addiction could or would.

Kids can be cruel. People can be cruel. They seem to enjoy being cruel to people who are obese.. like obesity makes you a second class human being.

FWIW in June I decided I needed to lose some weight (doing this has never been a problem for me, but it suddenly has become one). I knew my sister needed to as well but could not and would not do it alone. she did years ago thru the Weight Watcher program. I asked her if she would attend those meetings with me and she said yes.

She is still very obese and school started.. she has been loing about a pound a week and it shows. However, the kids snicker and point and some say things to her. It is cruel and I so feel for her... and I am so glad we are doing this program which has proved very successful for her in the past. I am also very glad I am going because it is working so well for me.

I am just letting you know you are not alone in this and I truly truly understand and feel for you.

CatsPajamas

(( Lma))

greeteachday

So well stated. I have always had problems with seeing kids hurt others with their words. I've seen it mostly with the effects it has on other kids. How horrible it is when one of the "popular" crowd says something hurtful about someone who doesn't fit in...devastating to young people still maturing. There are certain comments I remember from peers when I was in high school that still bring back memories of how humiliated and hurt I was. I can recall wanting to go knock a couple of heads together when my kids would shattered by someone's cruelty.


So I certainly understand why this feels so painful. Most adults eventually learn not to do such things, but sadly some still do it behind our backs or in some way send the message by their looks, tones, attitudes. I try to do as Marle suggested...to realize the person who is being hurtful is doing so probably because they have a need to make themselves feel superior by their actions and that it is their own insecurities that bring this on. Sometimes I am more successful than others...Sometimes I have to work through the hurt before I can find compassion and understanding.

As I mentioned in another thread recently, I've realized that one of my charachter defects that needs work is that I find compassion easier when I feel someone is an underdog...I am not so good at it when I think the person is in a power position or that I believe the person should "know better." I am wokring on picturing myself walking a mile in someone elses shoes, and reminding myself that what *I* think I see is not reality...I do not know what other trials and problems a person is facing on any given day or in their life. Progress not perfection.

Hugs, I'm sorry you were hurt.