When Do The Lies Stop?

Old 09-10-2007, 11:50 AM
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When Do The Lies Stop?

I am so frustrated at this point with my mother!!!

I've called her out and told her I know she's addicted to pills and she continues to deny it and deny it and deny it no matter what I say or do.

She KNOWS she has a problem but she just continues to swear that she doesn't have a drug problem.

She showed up at my place last week so stoned she couldn't stand straight and her eyes were rolling around in her head and when I confronted her she actually used the excuse that she was "just tired". I'm sorry but I'm tired too and I can stand up without falling over!!!!

Ugh!!!!

Thanks for letting me rant!!
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Old 09-10-2007, 12:02 PM
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Or However You Spell It....
 
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Vent away sweetie! I think the lies stop once the addict admits they have a substance abuse problem and are willing to accept responsibility for themselves. Until that happens unfortunately they'll do and say whatever it takes to hide it.......even convincing themselves they don't have a problem which is the saddest part of it all.
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Old 09-10-2007, 12:21 PM
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Stop listening? I'm not sure what that means....stop talking to her?

I don't know if I'm prepared to do that....she's still my mom you know?
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Old 09-10-2007, 12:29 PM
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Sometimes you have to take it all with a grain of salt. She is your mom and it is only natural you want to keep in contact. You should if you can. Just do not get sucked in to the maddness of the circumstance around her addiction. You know what I mean? We can stand on our heads trying to get them to help themselves see what we see but until your mom is ready to see it you will burn yourself out trying to make her do something to change it. You have to take care of yourself Kim. You have to say lots of prayers for Mom that she will someday get it. But until she is ready listen but with a grain of salt as you do.

(((((HUGS)))) We all know what your feeling. We will do our best to help you through it. Keep the faith.

-Broken
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Old 09-10-2007, 12:49 PM
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In the meantime while she denies it all, you can spend time with her without trying to get her to admit what is so obvious. Besides being extremely frustrating it can't accomplish anything until she is ready to get help-especially if she is drunk when you are talking with her.

Being a mom of adult kids, myself, I know that I would be very reluctant to discuss some of 'my issues' with my children. Like Anvil shared, it might be a good idea to just drop the subject and focus on other things with her when and if you can. Who knows if maybe she isn't forced into a corner, she may just open up to you about it.

The more that she sees the results of her choices, the better her chances are of wanting to stop, but again, it's up to her. I know that stinks, but that's how this disease works.

Maybe you could get her some literature and meeting lists and then just leave the rest up to her. It's a fine line between letting go and letting someone harm themself. Many here have had to find that out the hard way with spouses, kids, siblings and friends. Like your mom in her disease, I was in complete denial of MY issues as a codependent. If she needs immediate (emergency) help, then you could call EMT's or the police, otherwise let her be.

In the meantime you might want to think of some boundaries that you can set regarding things like whether you want her coming to where you work- drunk or not.

In case you don't already attend meetings, I recommend Alanon. Face to face meetings really helped me to find my way.

I'm glad you decided to post and get it all out, this is the place for us to open up and get support. I wish you better days.

Last edited by cmc; 09-10-2007 at 01:15 PM.
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Old 09-10-2007, 12:54 PM
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Thank you so much for the great replies.

I usually leave it alone and just don't talk about it with her...the reason it recently came up was because she showed up at my house completely stoned.

I told her that I love to spend time with her and I want to see her but she can't come to my house like that anymore. That's when she proceeded to deny she has a drug problem (for the 34583498530 time lol).

Normally I just leave it alone but I had to make it clear to her that she's not welcome in my home when she's high.

That said, she's high just about everyday but most days she's still able to function and carry on a conversation without falling asleep....
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Old 09-10-2007, 12:55 PM
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The lies will never stop-mom or not.Being an only child I went through the booze and pills with my mom 40 yrs ago. Moved her from St. Louis to Chicago-that did not work. A long painful story! I quit talking to her, 9 months later she came to the house-like my MOM-she made her choice for the positive!!!! What a joy!!!!! My best friend for many yrs. until she passed in 2000. The choice is hers. I am so sorry you are going through this-I know the pain you feel. Giant hugs to you!!!!!!!! Stick with this site!!!!
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Old 09-10-2007, 01:01 PM
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Originally Posted by Kimm992 View Post
That's when she proceeded to deny she has a drug problem (for the 34583498530 time lol).

I'm not laughing at you or your situation, but that was cute how you came up with that number LOL. Big hugs sweetie. I'm sorry you have to go through this with your mother. The addict in my life is my ex-boyfriend. I can't imagine what it's like with a parent, son or daughter.
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Old 09-10-2007, 01:04 PM
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Originally Posted by Lovestoomuch View Post

I'm not laughing at you or your situation, but that was cute how you came up with that number LOL. Big hugs sweetie. I'm sorry you have to go through this with your mother. The addict in my life is my ex-boyfriend. I can't imagine what it's like with a parent, son or daughter.
lol Seriously that's actually how many times it feels like!!

Thanks for the support though....I really really appreciate being able to come here and vent to awesome people that understand. *hugs*
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Old 09-10-2007, 03:00 PM
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The lies stop when the addict hits bottom and arrives ready for recovery. Until then the biggest lies the addict tells is to themselves ..

****{Hugs}}}
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Old 09-11-2007, 07:17 AM
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I think it is Cece who has the signature something like -

- that when the pain of using exceeds the pain of sobriety... THAT's when they get sober.


Addicts lose things.... jobs, friends, relationships, cars, houses. When they "hit rock bottom"... when life is painful, sometimes they figure it out and stop. For their own reasons... and usually long after any "normie" would quit.

Addicts want out more than any of us. But if it were as easy as just stopping... it wouldn't be addiction.


Alanon helped me understand and have compassion for the addicts in my life WITHOUT enabling them or being angry with them all the time. It taught me a different way to look at who they are ... and who I am. I hope you can find some meetings in your area.

((hugs))
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Old 09-11-2007, 07:45 AM
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i'm sorry. it stinks when they are in denial. my daughter lies a lot when she is drinking and using. it is hard. blessings, k
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Old 09-11-2007, 09:04 AM
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There is that old joke about when does the alcoholic stop lying?

When their lips stop moving.....

Lying is simply a part of the disease. They can no more stop that than they can stop drinking. To expect any different is unrealistic. They are not proud of who and what they are. To have someone pick, pick, pick at them about it is only prolonging their denial.

Accepting them, disease and all, does NOT mean you condone their actions. It means that you are finally living in the reality that they can't.

Good luck, Kim. This is no easy road you are on, but there are treasures along the way if you keep your eyes open.

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Old 09-11-2007, 10:00 AM
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plain & simple

addicition=lies
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