Is it too good to be true??? What did I do wrong?
 

Well my exabf (father of my kid) moved out last night and today makes one week straight he hasn't used. He moved in w/ his new gf who he's been with for 7 days. He just decided to quit... and honestly I don't really care that he broke up with me for her, I'm doing ok right now with that.

When he moved out last night I told him I can no longer drive him home from work, and I know that is hard for him, but I can't do it. His mom isn't taking him to work anymore either. We both agree if he wants to break up 2 families he can do it on his own, or his new gf can take him. He was told if he stayed home he could have a ride.

He claims he's never moving back home again, and never doing drugs again... other then drinking which he hasn't had a problem with yet.

Why is it that he *tried* with me to quit (I don't think he ever really tried), but yet, the day he meets her he has quit? What is she doing that I didn't?

You didn't do anything wrong!
 

Remember.....you didn't Cause it, you can't Control it and you can't Cure it.

Why did he all of a sudden stop when he met her? Who knows. The grass is always greener on the other side (ie a new relationship for him) so he's in the honeymoon phase where everything is all daffodils and rose coloured. Hopefully he is clean and will continue to do that, but if he's not doing it for himself (and doing it for his new g/f) nothing will keep him clean but him.

Don't worry about him any longer. You've made (in my opinion the right) decision and are sticking with it. Let him live his new life how he sees fit, just don't enable him in any way, shape or form.

I'm the queen of enabling (no longer since I started AlAnon last week) and totally feel for you right now.

Continue on the road to bettering yourself. You totally deserve it.

Rebecca

You did absolutely nothing to cause it, as she did nothing to cure it.
He will do what he will do.

I do hope he is clean, as I believe everyone deserves a chance at life, and a happy one at that.
But he's her problem now.

You deserve all the happiness life brings...congratulations in taking the brighter path!
(((Hugs)))
Cece

(((hug))) why is it we think we have something wrong with us? The way I see it is he had something great ... He had you. Glad he is doing well but like Cece said he is her problem now.

You deserve fabulous. you deserve better and a happy life without the drama he brings to your life.. Don't settle for anything less. You are the prize not him. :)


(((big hugs)))

Take Care of you!

I don't know your history with this guy but is it possible he's just telling you that he quit using as a way to make you feel bad?

Sort of like, "Well look what you're missing out on....now I'm clean and sober and not with you"

I wouldn't be so sure that he's actually clean...rather....he might just be saying he is so that you'll feel even worse about him leaving and want him back because he's "clean".

Am I making sense?

In any case....hang in there....*hugs*

I agree with what everyone before me has said but for some reason I feel compelled to ask. How do you know he's honestly quit using? Is it because he told you so? I myself had a problem believing what my exabf used to tell me with no actual program in place if you know what I mean.

I sincerely hope he has quit using, and if he has, maybe it wasn't the new gf who's the reason he stopped. Maybe it had to do with something you did or said that made his bottom come quicker for him.

Either way, no stinkin thinkin here ok? No one can change anyone unless they are willing to change for themselves. You deserve better things in life and if you sit back and let it happen, I think you'll be quite suprised at all the wonderful things that will start to come your way. All said with love. :hug:

Sounds like you're strong and staying that way. Good job.
You absolutley took care of yourself by refusing to drive him any more.

My sense is he more than likely is manipulating you. That's what addicts do. Oh, so he stopped the drugs and drinking's ok now? Be glad you don't have to live with his being a drunk. Out of his mind on drugs or out of his mind on alcohol is still out of his mind.
He's trying to do a number on your head. Don't let him.
You've made a wise decision in not driving him and have done nothing wrong. He'd like you to think you did.

My exAH did the same thing...I heard the "I haven't used" umpteen times over several months and he had a girlfriend. The catch to this was that (codie phase) I was monitoring his cell phone calls on the computer and he was calling his dealer (MANY times) right before he called me and immediately after. Sorry to be cynical, but I see a lot of quacking going on here. Don't fall for it.
Hugs,
Susie

it doesn't matter if he's using or not..a week clean....a week clean after how many years not clean...You do deserve better..we all deserve better than the nuttiness and chaos that living with addiction bring...Give it some time and start putting the focus on you rather than on him..you are gonna be more than allright...