Grieving what we've lost

Old 09-06-2007, 09:46 AM
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Grieving what we've lost

I have been working a bit on grief - mourning the loss of the dream, grieving the loss of the person to the disease, grieving the lost childhood of my sons while I was enmeshed in the craziness of living in a dysfunctional marriage filled with 'isms' and co-dependence.

This reading is from Courage to Change One Day at a Time in Al Anon II. It's one of the daily readers from Al Anon, and I refer to it often to read more about how others in recovery have learned from their past and how they use the tools of the program to live full and rich lives.

Courage to Change ODAT in Al-Anon II 9/2

During my years in Al-Anon I have done lots of thinking about the First Step; lately I have done lots of feeling about it, too. The feeling work can be described mostly in one word: Grief. Recalling a friend’s rapid progression through alcoholism, from reasonable health and apparent happiness to cirrhosis and death, I feel grief.

I don’t necessarily hate this disease today, but I do feel fiercely its crippling, powerful presence in my life. I have memories of the damage done to my family, my friends, and myself. I grieve for the loss of love and life that alcoholism has caused. I grieve for the lost years I have spent jumping through the hoops of this disease. I admit that I am powerless over alcohol and that my life has been utterly unmanageable whenever I have grappled with it.

Today’s Reminder

I have suffered many losses as the result of alcoholism. Part of admitting the effects of this disease in my life is admitting my grief. By facing alcoholism’s impact on my life, I begin to move out of its grip and into a life of great promise and hope.

“It’s not easy to admit defeat and give in to that powerful foe, alcoholism. Yet, this surrender is absolutely necessary if we are ever to have sane, happy lives again.
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Old 09-06-2007, 09:49 AM
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By facing alcoholism’s impact on my life, I begin to move out of its grip and into a life of great promise and hope.

“It’s not easy to admit defeat and give in to that powerful foe, alcoholism. Yet, this surrender is absolutely necessary if we are ever to have sane, happy lives again.
Those are powerful words and concepts. That's what I want today - a life of great promise and hope, a life that is happy and sane. SO, I work thru my grief, I feel my feelings, and I work the steps. I'm on my way to a much better life than the one I left behind.

Cats
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Old 09-06-2007, 09:55 AM
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Thanks. It is definately grieving of so much lost. I think it comes after denial, so I am making some progress. Grief..
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Old 09-06-2007, 11:16 AM
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Originally Posted by CatsPajamas View Post
I feel grief.
Thanks to Al-Anon, I can admit that

I feel.

and that

I feel grief.

and never be ashamed of those feelings. Recovery has let me know it is just part of the process of healing.

Thanks for another great post.
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Old 09-06-2007, 11:54 AM
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"SURRENDER" thanks for the reminder. I use to think that it was synonomous with weakness. Now I know that surrender gives strength and the possibility of accepting things just as they are without the burden of having to control. Surrender allows those around me to have their strength too. It allows me to sit back and be grateful for what comes my way. Today I surrender to what is and what will be; today I don't need to control anything; today I surrender and accept what is - because pain comes when we argue with reality.
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Old 09-06-2007, 04:35 PM
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CatsPajamas, thanks for the reading.
Yes, it is grief. We have so many losses from the alcoholism and addictions that have weaved their way through our families. My family history shows at least five generations of drunkeness and all of the shaming that goes along with it.

Why wouldn't we grieve?

Thank God for the twelve steps of AA and Alanon. It gives us hope for a new day. We are powerless over the alcohol, the alcoholic and the addict.

We have the right to detach with love.
We have the right to surrender. I surrender my will and I learn to accept the world as it is, not as I would have it.
Thy will be done.
Each of our loved ones, every alcoholic and every addict has a higher power.
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Old 09-06-2007, 05:54 PM
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Amen cats.
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Old 09-06-2007, 06:37 PM
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Cat,
I went through a grieving process and I even posted about greiving the child that she didn't become. The shattered hopes and dreams that a parent has that have been ripped away by addiction. I think we have to go through a grieving process because it is definetly a loss.

Thanks Cats...........Lo
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Old 09-06-2007, 07:36 PM
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Thanks, cats.

I've been in the same place recently...grieving what my ex's addiction and my codependency did to my boys. I posted about it last week.

I actually did write a letter and give it to both of them telling them how I felt and how sorry I am that they lost so much of their childhood. It opened up new lines of communication between all of us and took us another step further down the road to healing. But the grief had to come first.
((((Hugs))))
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