Mother-in-law addicted... any suggestions?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Christmas Vly, Oregon
Posts: 1
Mother-in-law addicted... any suggestions?
I just found this site today and am looking forward to getting some suggestions on how I should handle my current situation. Here it is in a nutshell.
About a year and a half ago my husband started having health problems that used up much of our saved money and, long story short, resulted in us moving in with his parents until we could save up enough to get our own place. We had lived with them for a couple months when we started noticing his mom having problems. She's apparently been sick (headaches, fibromyalgia, RLS, thyroid problems, etc.) for 15 or so years but it seemed like something else was wrong and that maybe some of her "conditions" weren't accurate or were maybe imagined or excuses. She passed out on the floor in the middle of the night when we had lived there about 4 months and my father-in-law wasn't home so we had to call him to find out what to do. Still, no one really told us what what going on. They blamed it on medication interactions or something like that. Then about three months ago my father-in-law had to take her to the hospital because she wasn't responding at all (and apparently it had happened a little over a year before so he knew what to do). After that they finally told all the kids thats she was addicted to narcotics (pain pills and muscle relaxers). She had almost died twice (that we know of) so I figured they would get some serious help. They went to a health and nutrition center for a few weeks to help with the pain but as far as I know they didn't get professional help for the addiction. Since her last trip to the hospital she's taken narcotics at least twice (the last time was two weeks ago today). And still she's not getting any professional help. She spends most of her days in her room and barely talks to my husband and I (which is "normal" for her).
My husband and father-in-law think that she's making good progress but I just don't feel like that. Is it possible for someone to heal from drug addiction just by sitting in their room alone? I'm I wrong for feeling that something serious needs to happen, that she needs to get professional help whether she wants it or not? We're working on getting our own house as fast as we can but until then I feel like I'm going crazy having to put up with her messiness, laziness, disrespect, lies and the fear that she's going to take drugs again and I don't want to see it. It makes my heart beat faster just thinking about it. Any suggestions on how I handle this and what I should do would be appreciated.
About a year and a half ago my husband started having health problems that used up much of our saved money and, long story short, resulted in us moving in with his parents until we could save up enough to get our own place. We had lived with them for a couple months when we started noticing his mom having problems. She's apparently been sick (headaches, fibromyalgia, RLS, thyroid problems, etc.) for 15 or so years but it seemed like something else was wrong and that maybe some of her "conditions" weren't accurate or were maybe imagined or excuses. She passed out on the floor in the middle of the night when we had lived there about 4 months and my father-in-law wasn't home so we had to call him to find out what to do. Still, no one really told us what what going on. They blamed it on medication interactions or something like that. Then about three months ago my father-in-law had to take her to the hospital because she wasn't responding at all (and apparently it had happened a little over a year before so he knew what to do). After that they finally told all the kids thats she was addicted to narcotics (pain pills and muscle relaxers). She had almost died twice (that we know of) so I figured they would get some serious help. They went to a health and nutrition center for a few weeks to help with the pain but as far as I know they didn't get professional help for the addiction. Since her last trip to the hospital she's taken narcotics at least twice (the last time was two weeks ago today). And still she's not getting any professional help. She spends most of her days in her room and barely talks to my husband and I (which is "normal" for her).
My husband and father-in-law think that she's making good progress but I just don't feel like that. Is it possible for someone to heal from drug addiction just by sitting in their room alone? I'm I wrong for feeling that something serious needs to happen, that she needs to get professional help whether she wants it or not? We're working on getting our own house as fast as we can but until then I feel like I'm going crazy having to put up with her messiness, laziness, disrespect, lies and the fear that she's going to take drugs again and I don't want to see it. It makes my heart beat faster just thinking about it. Any suggestions on how I handle this and what I should do would be appreciated.
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
Originally Posted by yogatiger 
I'm I wrong for feeling that something serious needs to happen, that she needs to get professional help whether she wants it or not?
First, get to an alanon meeting as fast as you can. There are people there who have answers and know how to get help.
There are two things you can do. You can talk to a professional social worker, or a therapist (for more privacy on the matter), or alanon members, and see what kind of help is available for her.
Obviously she's content to stay in her addiction. If it is threatening her life, you might find out about an intervention. Or, have her committed. It depends on the state you life in as to how long a psych unit can hold her.
Now, if all else fails, and she simply will not cooperate, and will continue to abuse drugs, there is nothing else you can do.
This is the hard part. We didn't cause it and we can't fix it. So, we have to maintain our own sanity through it all. Again, this is where alanon will help.
I am sorry you have to go through such a time like this. Make a plan and you won't feel so out of control.
Come back and post too. That helps a lot.
Take care.
WW
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Welcome to SoberRecovery.
I don't know if anyone has informed her doctor of her apparent addiction, but if not I think it would be a good idea. Even if she decides to get off the medication, she should do it under her doctor's supervision. The withdrawls from most pain medications can be just wicked and even life threatening.
I too am going to recommend Alanon, Naranon or CoDA, for you and for those who are dealing with her addiction. You can't help her if she won't help herself but you can learn how to live well, regardless of how she is doing.
It's a sad thing to see someone we love destroying themselves. My prayers go out for all of you.
Hugs
I don't know if anyone has informed her doctor of her apparent addiction, but if not I think it would be a good idea. Even if she decides to get off the medication, she should do it under her doctor's supervision. The withdrawls from most pain medications can be just wicked and even life threatening.
I too am going to recommend Alanon, Naranon or CoDA, for you and for those who are dealing with her addiction. You can't help her if she won't help herself but you can learn how to live well, regardless of how she is doing.
It's a sad thing to see someone we love destroying themselves. My prayers go out for all of you.
Hugs
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Hi and welcome...I know that sick heart racing feeling. It's very difficult to live that way, isn't it and to watch someone your care about deteriorate as addiction takes its toll. I'm sorry you have to go through this. I think Ann's suggestion that a family member speak with her doctor if that hasn't yet been done is a good one and learning as much as possible about how addiction can make loved ones as sick as the addict is helpful to learn how to help yourself. You can't force her to get help if she won't, but you can help yourself. Naranon helps me...the face to face support is wonderful.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Delaware
Posts: 201
Hi! I am new here too. I agree with everyone else, you need to get yourself in a support group. You can not force her to do what she does not wish to do. Second it is her DH’s responsibility to talk to the doctor. Not many doctors will speak to anyone now a days unless the patient okays it. You can suggest your father inlaw to call the doctor but I doubt he will do it. So here is the short of it… You are in their home. You are in a pickle. But, You still have choices. Yes it is great to save money but if you are that unhappy move out. You have a choice. You do not like to clean up after her… Then don’t but you are in her home. They do provide the roof. You do not like it…move. Otherwise, you stay, Then please go and seek help for yourself. Because you will drive yourself batty trying to police her and change her. You are best to let go, and get out of there ASAP. I am sorry you are dealing with this. My prayers go with you.
- Broken.
“nothing changes if nothing changes”
- Broken.
“nothing changes if nothing changes”
remember to breathe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
Hi and welcome,
does the family know about what addiction is? I remember when my son started his nonsense, I thought, ok we caught him now he's gonna stop. Boy were my rose colored glasses on! If you don't know about addiction you can really believe things can change overnight. So I agree with the above regarding telling her doctor but make sure your father in law knows what addiction is.
Good luck to you and your family
does the family know about what addiction is? I remember when my son started his nonsense, I thought, ok we caught him now he's gonna stop. Boy were my rose colored glasses on! If you don't know about addiction you can really believe things can change overnight. So I agree with the above regarding telling her doctor but make sure your father in law knows what addiction is.
Good luck to you and your family
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
