frankie_b

Every one on the planet experiences regret. It's okay to have regrets. Wallowing in and obsessing on regret/ if only however cause us great harm and block us from living in today.
There is a way out of regret/if only that works for me. Acknowledge the regrets and feelings associated with them. Sadness? Anger, self recrimination? Talk with someone you trust about
your regrets and the feelings associated with them. Accept them. Let them go. Turn them over to HP. When the thoughts persist, dismiss them immediately.
Replace the thoughts with positive affirmations.

The past is gone forever. We cannot change a single thing that happened in the past. What is useful about the past is it can serve as a roadmap for how we choose to live in today. We do not have to repeat old worn out negative patterns of living .
In recovery we have choices.

" This is the book I never read. These are the words I never said. This is the path I'll
never tread. These are the dreams I have instead." Annie Lenox

Accept the pain, cherish the joys, resolve the regrets, then can come the best of blessings " If I had my life to live over again I'd do it all the same."

Lovestoomuch

That's exactly how I've learned to deal with any regrets I've ever had. On those rare occasions I find myself wallowing in them I literally shake it off and remember there was a lesson in there somewhere for me to learn and that there's obviously a reason for everything.

lightseeker

The promises in AA state that you will no longer regret the past nor wish to forget it.

Well.....I'm still working on that one. I deeply appreciate who I am today but I'm not at the point where I would say that I'd do it all the same way. I think that there are lots of ways to get from point A to point B - I usually have taken the routes that go through M, Q, T, and Z (all while looking for the U to go with the Q). When I have regrets I realize that the person that I need to forgive is myself. At the time, I was simply doing the best that I could.

Hey - just even sitting down with that thought today has helped. Progress not perfection, huh?

Have a great labor day weekend! Love, DOnna

marle

I try to think of it as a lesson learned. One to forgive myself for and to never forget. I think that we keep doing the same things until we learn the lesson that God is offering us. If I regret something, I know that it is my mind's way to say "don't do it again". I have learned that doing the next right thing for me is a good way not to have to live with regret. Hugs, Marle

frankie_b

Today I can gratefully, joyfully, honestly say If I had my life to live over again I'd do it all the same. The many lessons, mistakes, struggles, rewards, pains, sorrows, joys, challenges and day to day mundane business of my life's journey have made me who I am today. I like who I am.

Lovestoomuch

Hmmm...........

Although I like who I am today, and I'm certainly grateful for the lessons in life I've learned........even the hard ones......i would so totally change a few things LOL. I don't live with regret, but if I had to do it all over again and knew better.......I'd do it differently. That's not possible though which is why its important to focus on the future rather than wallow in the past.

cmc

If I knew different, I probably would have done different. Since I usually try to do my best I have to remember that my intentions count for alot. Another thing that helps me is that if I believe God forgives me for my mistakes, character flaws and shortcomings- how dare I disagree with Him?

Wascally Wabbit

I like this thread. It's helping me look at why I feel regretful and what I can do about it. I will practice what I have learned here.
The past is gone forever. Why dwell on it any longer? We have a future and a hope.

I think attitude is the key to everything we do in life.

Jersey Nonny

Yes, I must admit I still catch myself having regrets from time to time...but, I try not to "wallow". Do I wish I had done a lot of things differently? You bet! Would I have made the same mistakes? Probably!

I like the person I am today because I'm not the inebriated person who made all those mistakes. I don't doubt, if I had led the sober life I do now, things would have been very different.

Whenever I feel those little twinges of regret creeping in, I usually shed a few salty tears, shake off those feelings, and "get on with it"! Sometimes, it does the body good to have a little cleansing cry.

yourgirl

I still have some regrets. I just wish I had gotten to where I'm at a little quicker. I could never have imagined the blessings that have just completely rained on me this past summer.I regret that I dont have more time spent living like this. I regret that I held on for so long to my AH. I regret that I never gave real love a chance. I want to make it all up in very short time. I want to say I'm an OLD-TIMER in happiness and love. I just don't want to ever run out of time. I want to live this good life forever. Thank-you SR
+

krhea75

This weekend I went to a fleamarket/festival that I used to go to with my ex and my two sons when they were younger. As I walked around, i had these flashbacks even though it's been 4 years or longer since we all went out there together. I don't know why this year it hit me so hard. I just had a wave of sadness hit me. But thanks to the things I learned here, I recognized the fact that these are feelings that are normal, but not fatal. I took some quiet time afterwards, took a nap, mowed my yard, and felt better. I think our knowledge of how our emotions work is so important. It helps us function and move on.
krhea

frankie_b

khea, you are taking wonderful care of you. Yes, feelings come up and
we can just sit with them, allow them to be just what they are. They are normal.
When sadness comes up, our tears release us and help heal us.

I understand how the flashbacks you experienced made you feel sad. It's been a long time since I divorced my first husband and every now and then memories of
the times we were together and the kids were young come to mind. Sometimes they are tinged with a bit of wistful sadness as I recall AS at a happier time of innocence prior to addiction.
Feelings are just what they are and we are emotional beings.
Hugs

frankie_b

(( your girl )) Thank you for shining your special, bright light here with us. Our lights shine so beautifully as we walk together, side by side in the blessing of recovery. Recovery is a lifelong journey and you have today and the rest of your life
to live " this good life ".
I sure am an old timer LOL at 62. I think Dolly and I are the two oldest in years members here. Uh oh. Hey Dolly I gave away our age hehe.

Im still growing and learning, still making progress one day at a time. I'm not done yet. LOL. I learn so much from the newcomer and am grateful for this wonderful
place and all the members.
Hugs

Ann

Frankie, I'm standing beside you because that's how I feel too and it's a wonderful feeling to have arrived at a place where I like myself and love my life.

I wouldn't wish my journey on my worst enemy, but I'm grateful to have taken it myself because it was the pain and darkness that let me see the light that led me to where I am today.

Life is precious, live it well.

Hugs

frankie_b

Amen Ann to life is precious, live it well.
It is and I do.

It's taken both rain and sun to make all the beautiful colors of the rainbow that decorate my soul.

WENDYLOST101

Frankie, I absolutely love that you used the Annie Lennox song. One of the best songs.

frankie_b

Loves, I recall a friend I met in Alanon some years ago.
After a meeting he shared with me how grateful he was for all the troubles, pain and difficulties he experienced in life. At the time I wondered What? Hellooo?
I told him I sure wasn't. LOL I was honest. Well, I wanted what he had and one fine day,
I found myself grateful for all my life experience too. It didn't happen overnight.

It was a gentle, gradual awakening and acceptance through the grace and love of my HP.
I have times when I'm not so grateful for what life brings LOL. Progress, not perfection. Each day I have a choice to get into gratitude when I find myself sliding.
You are so right girlfriend. Why wallow in the past? Live for today, have a plan ( focus) for the future works for me.

Elana

I am glad that the troubles I have experienced made me who I am today but I would not live them over or do them again if I were to approach life knowing what I know now.

Fact is, while I am not 100% as I do experience real, baleful, anger attimes towards the wrongs done me in the past, I do not dwell on this. If I were to dweel on my regrests I would go completely batty (now I am only partly batty so that is OK).

I believe that life is living and growing and while a life can never be without pain and sorrow.. misery here and there, I would hope to never repeat those miseries.

If life were mine to do over, and I knew then what I know now, I would take a different path.

Of course, the different path might take me on different sorrows that I do not have the experience to deal with so I might not save myself from anything (but I like to think I would!).

laketime

I like the signature on big sis's posts, it reads something like no matter how tarnished the past, the future is always spotless

Jersey Nonny

Hate to steal your thunder...but, I'll be 76 on October 4th. Although I post more in the Newcomers forum, I do read a lot here, and post once in a great while when I feel I have something pertinent to add. This is a great group of folks with whom I have a lot of identification. Thanks for letting me share.