*UPDATE* My son the drug dealer
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Somewhere, east Coast
Posts: 8
*UPDATE* My son the drug dealer
So it has been a while and some things have changed. About a few weeks ago I told him if he did not remove the drugs and weapons from my house I would find it all and get rid of it. He moved everything out, and within a few days he moved out himself. I contacted the police about this. A few days later i got a call my son was in a car wreck. I immideatly went to the scene. I did not care about the insurance, or any of the citations I just need to make sure my son was alright.
I went to pick him up at our local detention center. He says he was driving home and the car got crashed. ********. He was not coming home. Now the police are all over him and now he can not go. I told him straight out that now he has to live with me, and he can absolutely not deal any drugs through my house.
School started on the 28th for him. I have not recently seen any proof him dealing drug's. From what I see he only hangs around friends of his that I approve of. He comes home at the same time every night. He has gone to school and reported to all of his classes this week. He has not had any discipline problems in school yet. No detentions or in school suspenions. He has overall changed but I still fear that MAYBE he has stopped dealing drugs, but he is still a gang member. How do I go about him being in a gang,
I went to pick him up at our local detention center. He says he was driving home and the car got crashed. ********. He was not coming home. Now the police are all over him and now he can not go. I told him straight out that now he has to live with me, and he can absolutely not deal any drugs through my house.
School started on the 28th for him. I have not recently seen any proof him dealing drug's. From what I see he only hangs around friends of his that I approve of. He comes home at the same time every night. He has gone to school and reported to all of his classes this week. He has not had any discipline problems in school yet. No detentions or in school suspenions. He has overall changed but I still fear that MAYBE he has stopped dealing drugs, but he is still a gang member. How do I go about him being in a gang,
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: here and now
Posts: 1,291
HI, I'm glad 2 hear yr son is still alive!!
I am not sure what to tell you , but i have just started an internship last week at a place that helps felons re-integrate back into society...
I realize your son is not a felon , but...
There are people I work with who have been there and done that and are working with kids in gangs and so on who have been there themselves and are teaching others how to change thier lives an get out...
I will be going back to work on Wednesday and I will ask my co-workers what they think about your situation...I only started working there last WED...
What city do you live in? I am glad to hear from you cuz I think your son has a lot of potential...I think he has a lot of positive strengths that he could draw on to get his life on a different track.
I work with a guy who was in a gang and he works with kids to help them get out-when I go back 2 work on Wed. I will ask him what he thinks..
~Peace and Love~, Lisa
I am not sure what to tell you , but i have just started an internship last week at a place that helps felons re-integrate back into society...
I realize your son is not a felon , but...
There are people I work with who have been there and done that and are working with kids in gangs and so on who have been there themselves and are teaching others how to change thier lives an get out...
I will be going back to work on Wednesday and I will ask my co-workers what they think about your situation...I only started working there last WED...
What city do you live in? I am glad to hear from you cuz I think your son has a lot of potential...I think he has a lot of positive strengths that he could draw on to get his life on a different track.
I work with a guy who was in a gang and he works with kids to help them get out-when I go back 2 work on Wed. I will ask him what he thinks..
~Peace and Love~, Lisa
Last edited by raerae6; 09-02-2007 at 02:21 AM.
Bridge CLOSED
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
Originally Posted by raerae6 
I realize your son is not a felon , but...
I would say this is far too quick a transformation to truly trust. That is my gut feeling. He is still a gang memeber and maybe has moved up from being hands on to being in "management." Or, maybe he is being required to keep it clean for awhile so as not to bring it down on the other members.
Or maybe he is being required (by the gang) to keep it clean for awhile to protect you from the gang.
What is YOUR GUT FEELING on this? Gut feelings tend to be right and they tend to circumvent our heatfelt feelings and logical observations which can be quite untustworthy.
I would love to be wrong BTW. Just so you know.
However, if he is still a gang member, that is a huge red flag. I would be as nervous as a cat on a fence with large dogs patroling either side.
BTW how are YOU doing?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Up North
Posts: 105
Watch your wallet and lock up any valuables that you have.
I wonder what drug your son is into. Also what gang is he in? You can tell by the clothes they wear, the people that they hang with, etc.
If you live in an apartment, it would be best to move to a different town or city. Gangs tend to penetrate neighborhoods. It is very difficult to get out of a gang once you're in.
Recovery does not promote the Geographical cure. Meaning if a drug addict leaves town, they still have themselves to deal with and they are still a drug addict. But with gang issues it is different.
Take care of yourself Mom. Don't isolate yourself. My son is an addict and I have a tendency to isolate due to the shame of the whole ordeal.
Keep coming back. You will gain lots of strength and hope from the people here on this forum.
I wonder what drug your son is into. Also what gang is he in? You can tell by the clothes they wear, the people that they hang with, etc.
If you live in an apartment, it would be best to move to a different town or city. Gangs tend to penetrate neighborhoods. It is very difficult to get out of a gang once you're in.
Recovery does not promote the Geographical cure. Meaning if a drug addict leaves town, they still have themselves to deal with and they are still a drug addict. But with gang issues it is different.
Take care of yourself Mom. Don't isolate yourself. My son is an addict and I have a tendency to isolate due to the shame of the whole ordeal.
Keep coming back. You will gain lots of strength and hope from the people here on this forum.
Get Caught Reading
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
((((((KeepFaith)))))))
I'm glad your son wasn't seriously hurt in his car accident.
That said...
I believe that what Elana says is true.
As of right now, he's being watched and watching his back.
Down the road, as long as he continues to be in this gang, he may resurface as
an "inside" dealer. Kinda behind the scene.
I'm very sorry to say that, but take it from alot of us here.
Most of us have dealt with this a long time. Way too long.
My thoughts are that he needs a "big brother".
Check with your city's council office, or social service office.
I'm sure there are places that have volunteers that help with these sort of kids.
That, my friend, is just a fast alternative.
The overall fact is, he is in desperate need of a serious intervention by someone in law enforcement. Possibly getting him away from people, places, and things would be a more serious approach. I took my son, and heck, he was 24, out of the state we were living in and moved him 325 miles south. lol
Did it "fix" him? No, but it sure threw a big a$$ wrench into the mix.
Good luck and stay strong. Are you attending any meetings for you at all?
I would suggest arming yourself with good recovery tools so you can be prepared for what happens next. Just mho.
Sending prayers,
I'm glad your son wasn't seriously hurt in his car accident.
That said...
I believe that what Elana says is true.
As of right now, he's being watched and watching his back.
Down the road, as long as he continues to be in this gang, he may resurface as
an "inside" dealer. Kinda behind the scene.
I'm very sorry to say that, but take it from alot of us here.
Most of us have dealt with this a long time. Way too long.
My thoughts are that he needs a "big brother".
Check with your city's council office, or social service office.
I'm sure there are places that have volunteers that help with these sort of kids.
That, my friend, is just a fast alternative.
The overall fact is, he is in desperate need of a serious intervention by someone in law enforcement. Possibly getting him away from people, places, and things would be a more serious approach. I took my son, and heck, he was 24, out of the state we were living in and moved him 325 miles south. lol
Did it "fix" him? No, but it sure threw a big a$$ wrench into the mix.
Good luck and stay strong. Are you attending any meetings for you at all?
I would suggest arming yourself with good recovery tools so you can be prepared for what happens next. Just mho.
Sending prayers,
krhea75
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: macomb, il
Posts: 644
Keepfaith,
I'm so glad you have come back. I have thought of you and prayed for you often. I have no better advice than what was given above, but I just wanted to add that you have to take care of you. It will be exhausting being his watchman, but if you need to do that for a while, then do it. You have made some good steps. I'm proud of you.
krhea
I'm so glad you have come back. I have thought of you and prayed for you often. I have no better advice than what was given above, but I just wanted to add that you have to take care of you. It will be exhausting being his watchman, but if you need to do that for a while, then do it. You have made some good steps. I'm proud of you.
krhea
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: My House
Posts: 1,122
Keepfaith,
I am so glad he survived the car accident. The thing is, though, if he is lying about where he was going when the accident happened, then he clearly has not learned anything from it. Sure, he might be behaving for now, but no discipline referrals does not necessarily mean he is not selling; it just means he hasn't been caught yet. Same thing for the lack of evidence in your home. He may have just found another place from where to run his operation.
So, as much as I don't want to add to the raincloud that others have already implemented, I have to agree with Elana and bookmiser.
Please, please be careful. As long as he is in that gang, you are still in danger.
I have often wondered how you were doing. Glad things seem to be going better; just don't let your guard down.
*hugs and prayers*
I am so glad he survived the car accident. The thing is, though, if he is lying about where he was going when the accident happened, then he clearly has not learned anything from it. Sure, he might be behaving for now, but no discipline referrals does not necessarily mean he is not selling; it just means he hasn't been caught yet. Same thing for the lack of evidence in your home. He may have just found another place from where to run his operation.
So, as much as I don't want to add to the raincloud that others have already implemented, I have to agree with Elana and bookmiser.
Please, please be careful. As long as he is in that gang, you are still in danger.
I have often wondered how you were doing. Glad things seem to be going better; just don't let your guard down.
*hugs and prayers*
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Somewhere, east Coast
Posts: 8
I cant really find proof that he is still doing it. I set time limits and he follows them. I am planning on finding him a mentor of somesort. As for moving I cant really do that. I just finished paying off this home.
Living in the light
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Sweet Home Serenity
Posts: 706
KeepFaith, I have no advice about gangs. Your house your rules.
Have you determined a consequence if you do learn he is still dealing ?
You may want to give it some thought.
Trust your gut. Son will do what he will do. Gang affiliations are a choice. You can try to get help for him in this regard however son must be the one to want to change.
Have you determined a consequence if you do learn he is still dealing ?
You may want to give it some thought.
Trust your gut. Son will do what he will do. Gang affiliations are a choice. You can try to get help for him in this regard however son must be the one to want to change.
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