rahsue

Hi and welcome.
I am the mother of a 23 yr old heroin addict. He has been battling this for 5 close to 6 yrs. He not only lost jobs but was thrown out of the army as well. He came out of rehab in sept 06, stayed clean for 3 or 4 months and relapsed, then 2 months and relapsed and now relapsed again. theres not much we as parents can do but remind them how much we love them and are proud of them trying (this at least lets them know that we are not giving up on them) I set some boundaries, not many I'm affraid. the more ya set the better you are I think. I think we can suggest things to them and just hope they do the right thing. I don't believe threats really work, I do however think positive reinforcement does. (to a point I guess) anyway I am better now then I was when the ---- hit the fan in the beginning. so try to help yourself along the way or you'll make yourself crazy.

good luck and keep us posted.

rahsue

oh my god what kind of mother am I !!!! my son is 22 not 23 lol

devastated

You ask, "What Do I Do Now?" Good question! Too bad there isn't an easy answer.

I've been dealing with a son on drugs for, let's see now, how does 28 years sound? Yep, I've been his biggest supporter!! Maybe had I not been he never would have gone this many years. Maybe if I would have been tough and not always given him a soft place to land, he wouldn't be 44 years old and in prison now!

He's been in and out of jail, prison, camps, more camps, currently back in camp!

I'm 67 years old and have learned one thing. As much as I love my son, there isn't one thing I can do to change his life. The only thing I can do is enjoy what time I have left on this earth, and just pray that one day he sees the light.

He is now a grandfather himself; maybe he'll turn around next time he gets out. Unfortunately, I've been burned so many times, I've become a doubting Thomas.

I guess the moral of the story here is, there isn't one damn thing you can do to change their course! Only they can change it. In the meantime, don't waste the years like I did crying and trying and doing what they should be doing for themselves.

If I have learned one thing from all this, it's the fact that this is out of our control. We just don't have the power to change anything in their lives.

Quit with the testing, threats, etc., nothing will work!!! Until they are ready, and maybe they will never be ready, there is just nothing we can do to change the course of their lives.

I guess the best thing for us to do is just go on with ours and let them live theirs!

I never stop praying though!

By the way, don't ever doubt that they know how much we love them and how much we want them to be happy. Supporting them is one thing, being used is yet another! Man, it took me years to figure out the difference.

Hugs, Devastated

Jersey Nonny

Couldn't have said it better myself. My 51 year old son has been an addict more than half his life...heroin, about 15 years or so, I think. He's gone the entire been there, done that route...with me right along for the ride. Been in rehabs and county jails...where I visited him, of course.

Oh, I forgot to mention...I, myself, have almost 28 years in AA recovery. You'd think I would have known better, wouldn't you? I became so co-dependent, I allowed him to live with me for 10 years...nothing changed, except his addiction escalated, which meant the lying and stealing progressed, too...we were almost evicted a couple of years ago, because he ATM'ed me into deep debt.

After straightening things out once again, I allowed the situation to go on for yet another year...during which time I became severely handicapped, and thought I needed him to take care of me (which, God bless him, he did to the best of his ability). But, it broke my heart to look at him...he was looking more and more like a refugee from a concentration camp...and he thought he looked good!

My sister, niece, and daughter finally convinced me the whole situation was intolerable...for both of us. The hardest thing I ever had to do was tell him I was going into a nursing home 70 miles away...he had two weeks to make arrangements to get into a VA hospital and get rid of four rooms of furniture and assorted "stuff".

Do I really want to be where I am? No! Will I ever accept it? Right now, I doubt it.
But, whatever I had to give up in the process was well worth it. On September 6, my beloved addict son will have 7 months clean and sober. I didn't only have to "detach with love", I had to detach with a vengeance...and, I thank God I was able to finally find the strength to do it.

Miracles do happen...for every Mom here who is suffering through their child's addiction, I pray that you and yours will be blessed with your own miracle!

Spiritual Seeker

((((hugs from another mom here))) learn all you can about addiction and learn too that you CAN NOT control her addiction, it is like hanging on to a hurricane. Al-Anon parent group helped me greatly,

Wascally Wabbit

I like the idea of it being like hanging on to a hurricane, Spiritual. That's exactly what it is.

macaw, Im sorry you have to go through the grief of an addict in your life.
I have an addict son. I have enabled him too much. I finally got to the point where I couldn't hold on to the hurricane. I was suffering too much damage. So, I let go. Now I live in the eye.
Peaceful, and I watch from a distance the chaos. It's not in my house any more. He has to do it himself.