help? long post, sorry.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: hb,ca
Posts: 2
help? long post, sorry.
a little back ground, im 18, she's 16. i've never been in to drugs. she wasnt until about 9 months ago. we have been together for one of the best 2 1/2 months of my life.
ok. well.. when we first started going out she was a regular pot smoker and a drinker. she's gotten in trouble with school and cops a few of times for it, and her parents constatly remind her of what she's doing wrong. she shows alchohlic tendencys, for example her dad will yell at her one night, and her dads pretty much an ass hole, he cares very much but he says all of the wrong things, he tells her he doesnt want her living with him anymore and all this ****. but then she will tell me she just wants to forget about it all, and that she doesnt want another night of crying herselft to sleep and gets compleatly TRASHED, alone in her room. she's done that twice recently. not good at all. one painful thing that i experianced with her was me calling her while she was on a camping trip with friends she was drunk to the point where i was talking to her for about 5 minutes and she asked me who i was. her parents now drug test her somewhat randomly about once a month. her first test she came up positive for meth (extacy) weed and a third that either came from the E or the shrooms. anyways... basicly, her past has been rough, her mom stoped caring about her and her brother somewhat abruptly when she was about 12 then made them move to their dads house here in huntington when she was 13. she was a good kid when she was younger, a really good kid. but her mom broke her heart, and now her outlet is drugs. she drinks often, and smokes probably once or twice a day, not every day, maybe 3-4 times a week. the weekends are when she tends to drink. again, nothing too consistant but still too much.
i care about her more than anything in the world. i love this girl. its hurt our relationship, and its hurt me. i dont know what to do. for a while, it was getting better, and i was really happy for her. but then she wanted to break up because i thought i was moving in 6 months and she didnt want to get hurt, but now it turns out im not, no big deal. so hopefully we'll get back together. she's also pretty afraid of getting hurt because of her mom and dad. thats holding her back.
let me tell you how i try to approach it. i've always tried to treat it somewhat gently, and i've never asked her to stop doing what she's doing compleatly. i did have her promise to me that she would stop doing E and shrooms because she was starting to get hooked on e. and she did, until the day we broke up she did E again. but anyways, i've always just tried to tell her that what she's doing isnt really the best of ideas, and tried to make her realize that its affecting everyone around her. her friends, family, and me. i've been worried about her and stayed up late because of it a few times. her dad is going to make her go back to her mom if she doesnt shape up in 6 months. she knows this, and hates her mom. im trying to use that as leverage, but it doesnt seem to phase her. we just broke up a couple days ago, and it has been really rough on both of us.
i honestly think she has a problem, but i dont think it is drug related? im not sure though. its hard for me to say. i dont have alot of experiance in this. she says sometimes she smokes/drinks so she can be happy and forget about things, so she can get away from her problems and pain, and so she can be happy. but also tells me she just likes the feeling of it.
sorry to make it so long, but i need help. i dont know how to approach it.
thank you so much. i appriciate anything you can help me out on.
ok. well.. when we first started going out she was a regular pot smoker and a drinker. she's gotten in trouble with school and cops a few of times for it, and her parents constatly remind her of what she's doing wrong. she shows alchohlic tendencys, for example her dad will yell at her one night, and her dads pretty much an ass hole, he cares very much but he says all of the wrong things, he tells her he doesnt want her living with him anymore and all this ****. but then she will tell me she just wants to forget about it all, and that she doesnt want another night of crying herselft to sleep and gets compleatly TRASHED, alone in her room. she's done that twice recently. not good at all. one painful thing that i experianced with her was me calling her while she was on a camping trip with friends she was drunk to the point where i was talking to her for about 5 minutes and she asked me who i was. her parents now drug test her somewhat randomly about once a month. her first test she came up positive for meth (extacy) weed and a third that either came from the E or the shrooms. anyways... basicly, her past has been rough, her mom stoped caring about her and her brother somewhat abruptly when she was about 12 then made them move to their dads house here in huntington when she was 13. she was a good kid when she was younger, a really good kid. but her mom broke her heart, and now her outlet is drugs. she drinks often, and smokes probably once or twice a day, not every day, maybe 3-4 times a week. the weekends are when she tends to drink. again, nothing too consistant but still too much.
i care about her more than anything in the world. i love this girl. its hurt our relationship, and its hurt me. i dont know what to do. for a while, it was getting better, and i was really happy for her. but then she wanted to break up because i thought i was moving in 6 months and she didnt want to get hurt, but now it turns out im not, no big deal. so hopefully we'll get back together. she's also pretty afraid of getting hurt because of her mom and dad. thats holding her back.
let me tell you how i try to approach it. i've always tried to treat it somewhat gently, and i've never asked her to stop doing what she's doing compleatly. i did have her promise to me that she would stop doing E and shrooms because she was starting to get hooked on e. and she did, until the day we broke up she did E again. but anyways, i've always just tried to tell her that what she's doing isnt really the best of ideas, and tried to make her realize that its affecting everyone around her. her friends, family, and me. i've been worried about her and stayed up late because of it a few times. her dad is going to make her go back to her mom if she doesnt shape up in 6 months. she knows this, and hates her mom. im trying to use that as leverage, but it doesnt seem to phase her. we just broke up a couple days ago, and it has been really rough on both of us.
i honestly think she has a problem, but i dont think it is drug related? im not sure though. its hard for me to say. i dont have alot of experiance in this. she says sometimes she smokes/drinks so she can be happy and forget about things, so she can get away from her problems and pain, and so she can be happy. but also tells me she just likes the feeling of it.
sorry to make it so long, but i need help. i dont know how to approach it.
thank you so much. i appriciate anything you can help me out on.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: hb,ca
Posts: 2
oh yea, forgot to add. before she was smoking she was doing well in school getting a's and b's. she didnt have many freinds either. but the semester she started smoking she failed 3/6 classes and barely made it trhough the others.
and also, that night she took the E (she also had 5 shots of vodka and 2 joints, because her "friends" told her it would make her trip out...) for the first time in however long we talked and she poured out all these thoughts and emotions, we talked for about 4 hours.. she told me that she only trusted 3 people in her life. me, and her 2 best friends, who, by the way, only smoke 2 or 3 times a month and about the same for drinking. she has her real friends and her partying friends.
and also, that night she took the E (she also had 5 shots of vodka and 2 joints, because her "friends" told her it would make her trip out...) for the first time in however long we talked and she poured out all these thoughts and emotions, we talked for about 4 hours.. she told me that she only trusted 3 people in her life. me, and her 2 best friends, who, by the way, only smoke 2 or 3 times a month and about the same for drinking. she has her real friends and her partying friends.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Welcome to SoberRecovery.
I am sorry your heart is hurting, I know how much it hurts to see someone we love hurt themselves.
My son is an addict and as much as I love him I could not allow him to live at home anymore either. It's hard to see the love in that unless you have been where I have been, watching him almost die from an overdose, having him steal from me and lie so he can get his drug one more time...and another...and another.
Take a read around, especially the "sticky" threads at the top of this forum and it may help you see how destructive the disease of addiction is, to the entire family and all who love the addict.
We have learned that nothing we do, nothing we say can help them. If it could, not one of us would be here. All we can do is let go with love and pray for them each day and begin our own healing.
I'm glad you joined us and hope you stick around. You are among people who understand and who are walking with you on this journey.
Hugs
I am sorry your heart is hurting, I know how much it hurts to see someone we love hurt themselves.
My son is an addict and as much as I love him I could not allow him to live at home anymore either. It's hard to see the love in that unless you have been where I have been, watching him almost die from an overdose, having him steal from me and lie so he can get his drug one more time...and another...and another.
Take a read around, especially the "sticky" threads at the top of this forum and it may help you see how destructive the disease of addiction is, to the entire family and all who love the addict.
We have learned that nothing we do, nothing we say can help them. If it could, not one of us would be here. All we can do is let go with love and pray for them each day and begin our own healing.
I'm glad you joined us and hope you stick around. You are among people who understand and who are walking with you on this journey.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
welcome to S.R. i am sorry your g.f. is doing these things. i got to say it is not going to get any better. my son is the addict in my life & if i could "fix" him i would. he started drinking at 17 & at 23 he was using crack & went to prison at 23.he is 36 now & doing the same things. they do not stop until they get ready.they blame everything & everybody for using. she may be hurt about her mom but we all have things that hurt us. she may not ever get off drugs.it is her choice to stop & your choice to stay with her or let go of her.stick around & read all the post.keep coming back.we r here to help.prayers,hope
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
Welcome KM,
I hope you stick around for a while and get to know the great people here.
I would have to say that given what you wrote your friend does have a problem. Is she an addict? Only she can answer that, but when the drinking and drugging causes havoc in your life, its a problem.
And now is causing problems in yours.
My first instinct is to advise you to run fast and long. But thats the Mom in me
I know its just not that easy a decision to make.
Substance abuse rarely just stops, especially for an impressionable 16 year old. I don't know what her home situation actually is, but keep in mind that often an abuser will stand by any excuse to justify the use. The parents may be saying "enough".
Most of us here had reached the "enough" point, thats what brought us here.
If this is the case, I can guarantee you the parents hurt too...its such a terribly painful thing to witness your child self destructing.
If in fact she is in a situation that causes her to reach out to drugs and alchohol, there are counselors that can help.
Maybe you could ask her to seek that help?
Please remeber, that even at the age of 16, she will do what she is ready to do. Her choices, her consequences.
Please look after yourself, and know that you have choices too.
(((Hugs)))
Cece
I hope you stick around for a while and get to know the great people here.
I would have to say that given what you wrote your friend does have a problem. Is she an addict? Only she can answer that, but when the drinking and drugging causes havoc in your life, its a problem.
And now is causing problems in yours.
My first instinct is to advise you to run fast and long. But thats the Mom in me
I know its just not that easy a decision to make.
Substance abuse rarely just stops, especially for an impressionable 16 year old. I don't know what her home situation actually is, but keep in mind that often an abuser will stand by any excuse to justify the use. The parents may be saying "enough".
Most of us here had reached the "enough" point, thats what brought us here.
If this is the case, I can guarantee you the parents hurt too...its such a terribly painful thing to witness your child self destructing.
If in fact she is in a situation that causes her to reach out to drugs and alchohol, there are counselors that can help.
Maybe you could ask her to seek that help?
Please remeber, that even at the age of 16, she will do what she is ready to do. Her choices, her consequences.
Please look after yourself, and know that you have choices too.
(((Hugs)))
Cece
Get Caught Reading
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
((((KM))))
My son is the addict in my life. He's 25.
In my honest opinion, she sounds like a "bad" girl.
When I was her age, I was all about "bad" boys.
There's magic and excitement in being with someone unlike ourselves.
You sound like a real nice guy.
My advice to you, sweetie....
Run for your life.
This is only going to cause you pain and heartache.
No offense. Just being brutally honest.
If you continue this relationship, expect drama and chaos to follow you.
I wish you luck and I pray she hits rock bottom and your love for her is enough.
She's in pain and should see a counselor. Not just for drug use, but for the "why" of the drug use.
Just my opinion. Take what ya need and leave the rest.
Keep coming back. I'll be gentler next time.
Linda
My son is the addict in my life. He's 25.
In my honest opinion, she sounds like a "bad" girl.
When I was her age, I was all about "bad" boys.
There's magic and excitement in being with someone unlike ourselves.
You sound like a real nice guy.
My advice to you, sweetie....
Run for your life.
This is only going to cause you pain and heartache.
No offense. Just being brutally honest.
If you continue this relationship, expect drama and chaos to follow you.
I wish you luck and I pray she hits rock bottom and your love for her is enough.
She's in pain and should see a counselor. Not just for drug use, but for the "why" of the drug use.
Just my opinion. Take what ya need and leave the rest.
Keep coming back. I'll be gentler next time.
Linda
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