Momsrainbow

Dogs went nuts-peeked out the door-no sign of anything or I would never have opened it.-Guess who-AH-wanting a shower & a change of clothes. This was at 12:30 at night.... He tried to "Talk" and darn if I did not talk right back. Told him about his bills-his not mine. More boohoos and lies from him-still my fault-duh? Told him I would help him get to the point-he can help himself. He is still in denial-has been for over 30+yrs. He had all the codies he ever needed until me-his time is out!!!! I should call the PD, get his sorry butt busted, but tiny town and do not want to wake my best firiend up. Sorry to post this-STRESSING!!!!!!!!

MissesNormalDaD

Ah, i'm sorry i hope your ok even though i don't know you much, i hope all gets better, your in my thoughts and prayers.


Ryan.

Elana

Well, what is the lesson in this?

Next time the dogs go nutz at the door have your shot gun in hand, loaded and cocked, and THEN open the door. The load can be SALT.....
(when I lived in an apartment my catz woke me up one night.. they went nutz.. and there was an argument going on outside my door over "who done paid for how much rock..." I got the shot gun and loaded it.. and they heard it.. silence and the sound of leaving feet ensued).

OR (even better at 12:30 at night):
DO NOT OPEN THE DOOR.

rozied

It will never get any better unless you stop enabling him. My ex was a compulsive gambler when I was with him. I ended it over 33 yrs ago. I found out 4 mts ago when he called after not hearing from him for 30 yrs that he went from gambling to drugs & only got clean when he was 57 yrs old. He is now 62 & will be clean 5 yrs this Sept. If I had stuck it out my whole life would have been a horror. I stayed alone for 10 yrs after I ended it & then married a wonderful man & we will be maried 23 yrs in Nov.
If you husband has not reached his bottom its up to you to save yourself....he will never choose sobriety if anyone is enabling him.
You must get hard & stay hard. Not easy to do but necessary. I am now at SR cuz my 2 sons developed addictions. I can tell you after having an AH & now AS'S it was easier to walk away from an AH but I have finally reached my bottom with my sons & its not only for my good its for theirs. It takes more love to walk away.

Wishing you the best,
Love,
Diane

WENDYLOST101

First of all you are not old and stupid. Second of all you were just doing what us codies are used to doing. Old habits die hard. You are obviously not ready or you would not have opened the door. I would have done the same thing. You are aware that it was not the best decision, but now you can work on doing things differently next time.

ladyjane

From one codie to another, hang in there
___________________
Trish

hope213

you are not stupid, u r a codie. time to pull your tools out & use them. prayers, hope

caileesnana

It's hard I know, but if I can do it w/ my daugher you can too.
susan

CatsPajamas

There will come a time when you hear those disturbing noises in the middle of the night that you will

(1) just roll over and go back to sleep, or
(2) you'll **** that shotgun (an incredibly and universally recognized sound, by the way) or
(3) you'll call the police

It took me awhile to learn that nothing changes if nothing changes. It took me LONGER to learn that if I wanted to stop letting him into my life, I had to stop opening the door ~ figuratively, emotionally and mentally. I have posted in other threads that I actually put up post-it notes by the doors and by the telephone to encourage me to think before I acted or spoke. Is there a recovery friend whom you could call - at any hour - if your ex is at the door? At the very least, it would be a connection to someone in case things got out of hand.

One day at a time. Recovery is a process... some of us take longer to get it than others. (It took me a looooooooooooong time )

Cats

PS **ok, dear mods, what is the other word for the action that pulls back a shotgun and makes that chunk/chunk sound besides the one that is like clock without the "l" that our filters won't let me use?

Elana

"Pump action" 12 ga Savage shot gun is what I have. Work the pump to open the breech to load the shells.. man the room will truly CLEAR! LOL

BTW the SAME action is what is used to take the shell and load it into the chamber.. and then you better by gosh have the safety on cuz she is ready to GO.

I did not have any salt Loads that night.. just plain old Buck Shot.

Hangin' In

Next time dog goes nuts, let him. No need to open the door. What were you going to do if you opened it and found a burgular? Ask him in?

Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. If you don't want to talk to husband or enable him anymore, not having contact is a very good way to solve that problem. No answering of the door, no answering of the phone (if you see it's his number.)
Takes guts to do it, but I know when I got sick and tired of being sick and tired of the situation, I learned very quickly.

Now if you are going to put yourself back in the situation of actually trying to have a conversation with him, here's a couple of statements I learned and memorized just so I'd have them ready when I needed them:

"Sorry, this conversation is over because it's really going nowhere."

"That may work for you but it doesn't work for me."

"Gee, sounds like you're having a bad day."

Or as Cat's says, "Gee, it must suck to be you." Oh, gotta love that one.

Or my favorite one liner to use when you're sick of all his whining....

"Bummer" (You just can't believe the look on their face when you use that one. Maybe even use the look that would go with "Gee, it must suck to be you." )

And I don't mean to make this sound so "cut and dry" as if it's easy. I just know when I got enough, I got enough! Hope you're close to your bottom.

Hugs,
Hangin' In

cinderellawkids

What helped me was accepting things as they were and people as who they are. And finding a middle ground I could live with. Today I live life on life's terms, whatever happens happens but while Im taking care of me and enjoying the good moments