ladyamalthea

My ras posted a blog on her myspace today about how she feels like she is not staying busy enough and is full of confusion about boys, mom and dad, her friends, etc. Here's the thing: If she's confused about boys, methinks she is confused about whether she should stay with her current boyfriend, who is clean, or go back to her exabf, who was one of her enablers and whom my parents have had arrested for burglarizing their home at one point (due to our lovely legal system, the case was dismissed due to a lack of evidence).

The other thing is that, at the end of her post, she says that "it's time to sink or swim," and that she hopes she can swim...

I guess it would be normal for her to be confused about some things as she tries to get used to living a sober life again; I mean, approximately 90 days is just a drop in the bucket, right? And I know that there is nothing I can do, so I need to continue on my path of recovery and continue to be a good sister without acting on my codie tendancies, but in the back of my mind a part of me is so scared that she's about to fall again... and hard too... and I can't help but feel like it would be my fault in a way, for not being there enough, or for not letting her come stay in the hotel with Matt and I when she and Mom would butt heads (yeah, I know, as if it's realistic for her, Matt and me to all stay in a single-bed hotel room.... )

And, I guess it doesn't really help that my depression seems to be in full swing tonight. As a codie, I am dying to have something to control, and right now I have anything but control over anything... and that is scaring me.

Sorry, I know this is a lot of rambling. I just needed to get it out.

lil516

I'm sure I'm dating myself with this question but...
is reading the blog an acceptable thing to do??...
if so, perhaps your sis knows you'll read it and it may be an invitation to open a discussion...

caution...a discussion not an opportunity to lecture or control
just a "how's it going?"...

non addicts need friends/support to bounce off feelings about relationships etc...
I'm sure addicts need the same support

we're so conditioned to keep "hands off" the addict that maybe we hold back the normal support that friends/sisters give each other

just a thought
you know better if this is a possibility

but remember....
you don't control the outcome

all said with love
(I know how my sons worry about their addicted brother and my heart goes out to you for the love and concern you have for your sister)

ladyamalthea

Lil,

My sister knows I read her blogs. In fact, I'm one of only ten people that she allows to read them. So, it's not like I'm just snooping around... she would not have written that there if she had a problem with me seeing it. If you meant that I shouldn't be reading it because it interferes with my recovery, perhaps you're right, but when we hardly ever talk on the phone, just out of lack of meshing schedules, I read them so I can at least know how she's doing. Maybe I shouldn't be doing that.

Thank you both for your support here. I feel better getting it off my chest.

Ann

I know that whenever I tried to figure out what my son was thinking, it messed with my head and my serenity, because this thoughts changed from day to day and with his sober days vs his using days.

I would look at what she is sharing as a way for her to get her feelings out, verbalize them, and then look back on them another day to see where she has been. If reading them disturbs you, then maybe don't read unless you are in a good frame of mind and willing to accept that we all have feelings, good and bad, and that sharing them is just a good thing.

Hope you're feeling better soon and that the sun shines brightly on you today.

Hugs

marle

Lady, When you start to feel responsible for your sister, ask yourself this question. Do you feel that she is responsible for you? What I mean by that is can she change the choices you make or the things that you do to yourself. When you really look at that question you know that the answer is no. Well it works both ways. I sometimes think we see our addicts as less than. Like they are not capable of handling their own lives and feelings. They are. They might need to struggle a bit. Your sister may or may not go back to using. But it is HER journey, just as you have yours. You can love her but you can't make those decisions for her. Take care of you and if it helps keep you stay focused on yourself, stop reading the blogs. You never really know what is inside another person's mind. The words you read on the internet are feelings. And feelings come and go and do not always translate into action. Take care of you. You are a really intelligent, nice person. Hugs, Marle

Elana

I would stop reading her blog and "checking on her." If she comes to you, fine. If not, stay out of her business. Codies get in other people's business and make it their own.... when they have so much to do for themselves and there is little ROOM for other people's business?

She is her own person.. captain of her own ship and that ship may or may not be named "recovery."

You need something to control? Get a radio control truck and run that when you get the overwhelming urge!

The only person you have power over is you.. and you taught me that.

((((Ladyamalthea))))

TrishaV

It sounds to me like she was hoping that someone on her friends list would see her blog--could this be her cry for help. It sounds like she is thinking for herself and she realizes that the road that is egging her on is just around the corner but she is hesitant.....which is a good thing.

I would try to plan an outing with her...or find some way to communicate with her. I would tell her that you read the blog and was a little worried and that you are always willing to talk about things with her.

cinderellawkids

Is it possible she posted it for a response?

My AH used to do things like that all the time. When we were separated he'd call me and his mom saying whatever was on his mind, when we didnt make it our business, problem to solve etc, he'd get very upset or act out in other ways.

Either way it is something only she can figure out.

ladyjane

My 18 year old daughter has her blog on private so people like me can't read it.lol
She's never going to put me on her friend list.
______________
Trish

ladyamalthea

Thank you so much for your support everyone. I feel so much better today. I have been trying to call her since yesterday, and to no avail, but I am not freaking out anymore, because I am back to being aware that there is nothing my worrying would accomplish at this point. She knows I love her. She knows I'm here. So there's nothing more to do but go on for now.

I love you guys. Thanks for reeling me back in lol.