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Think ( Hope ) I Finally Got It

Old 08-29-2007, 05:09 PM
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rozied
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Think ( Hope ) I Finally Got It

I have been in & out of SR since last Sept. You all know my 40yr old son is an addict. I am taking it one day at a time & I will not say never but just for today I was done with him. I refused to take his calls.
As far as my 34 yr old goes I have come to the conclusion he is an addict also but his DOC is weed. I told him I am so tired of living life just paying bills & buying the least I can get by on so you can buy pot & slide through life stoned. I told him every penny spent on that is money he could have used to pay a bill or buy food or something for his children.
I am so weary of doing without things my hubby & I want for TWO GROWN MEN.

Thanks everyone for being there.

Diane
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Old 08-29-2007, 06:00 PM
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I applaud you! It is hard, but it is the right thing to do. They need to grow up and won't with us always picking up the pieces!
my best,
susan
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Old 08-29-2007, 06:17 PM
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Just for today. That is the way to think about it and pretty soon you will accumulate many one days Rozied. It does get easier. Hugs, Marle
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Old 08-29-2007, 06:19 PM
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Ann
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Well done, Rozied, and you're right, they ARE grown men, just like my son.

I don't know if you remember JustTired (JT) who used to be a moderator on Alanon, but early in recovery she and I often wondered if we would still be looking after our sons from the nursing home when we got old. There just comes a time when enough is enough is enough.

They can find money and opportunity to get their drugs and you can be sure they can find a way to look after themselves even if it's not as nice as we might wish for them.

Sometimes we hang on for so long, we forget what it is we are hanging on to.

Hugs
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Old 08-29-2007, 07:27 PM
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((((Diane))))

Just sending out hugs and letting you know I think you are making great strides. You go girl.

I wish I could give you the support you gave me when I first came back here last fall. You set me on the recovery path... and I am ever so greatful.

It sounds like you are moving forward and I am impressed and I know it is HARD to DO.
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Old 08-29-2007, 07:39 PM
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Originally Posted by rozied View Post
I am so weary of doing without things my hubby & I want for TWO GROWN MEN

Diane

Diane, I got to this point last November when my oldest son went back to jail.
(My youngest is in jail too)
I got tired of doing without, and killing myself to "help" him. I was picking him up at midnight from work. I got about 6 hours of sleep. Needless to say, I was exhausted and my own quality of life went straight down the tubes. And for what?
Now that he is out of the house, (the oldest) I told him he can not come back. He is 29 years old and that's plenty old enough to start being responsible for himself.

I must live a peaceful life any more. I can't tolerate drugs and the behavior that comes with drugging in my life any more. My life is now managable!!!

Once I came to this decision my whole outlook changed.
So, good for you rozied. Things will get better. Just expect a lot of ugliness from your addict. It's their way of saying they don't approve of your decisons!!
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Old 08-29-2007, 08:00 PM
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You are so right! And now that you are so weary of it, it's time to change it. You and Mr. Rozied are not getting any younger (I've realized as our children age, so do we? Awful, huh? lol)

Let them take over the ship of state in their own lives and you and the mister do the same with yours. You deserve it! No time like the present, I always say!

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Old 08-29-2007, 08:37 PM
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Well done rozied. Your two grown men can fend for themselves.
At this time in your life, you deserve peace and to stop going without.
Just for today you've found the strength to detach. I promise it gets easier with time. I found several days stretched into a week and onward one day at a time.
Hugs
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Old 08-30-2007, 06:03 AM
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rozied
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AGAIN I thank everyone for their love & support. Addicts get very ugly when they want money for their DOC. I am at the point where I just don't care anymore. My ex told me more or less the same thing as Ann. They will be in their 60s & still wanting me to do for them. And why not if someone is willing to support you why should you do it for yourself. My ex also said thats really doing them a great dis-service as they will never grow up...........now if only my parents see the light!!!
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Old 08-30-2007, 07:32 AM
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As is 33 and ad is 26. They still expect mom and dad to take care of them. Not only do they expect it, they feel entitled.
I'm rebelling!!! I say no more!!! They are younger and more physically capable than we are of working and taking care of their own needs.
Who said children would be a comfort in our old age? They didn't know our kids!!!
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Old 08-30-2007, 10:30 AM
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rozied
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You said a mouthful Trish.............as u know mine r almost 41 and 34 long past the time they should have been self-sufficient. Stick to your guns Trish cuz it doesn't get better until YOU stop it.
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Old 08-30-2007, 11:12 AM
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That a way! Now stick to your boundries, for you and your hubby.

Hugs,
Dolly
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Old 08-30-2007, 12:54 PM
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Rozied,
One day at a time gets easier in time. I still take it 5 mins at a time some days. Your sons are old enough to take care of themselves so let them. They need to grow up and not take mom for granted anymore.
Take a vacation and enjoy yourself and let them worry about life. You deserve to do what you want, you worked and took care of them long enough. I know easier said than done.
Remember you are not helping them only hurting them in the long run. Keep up the faith and work on you.
Hugs coming to you
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Old 08-31-2007, 04:48 AM
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rozied
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What to do about my 2 little grandsons..............that is the question. They live with their father ( my 34 yr old son )
Yesterday I had the 2 yr old & the other grandson was in school ( kindergarten ) I was cooking dinner & doing wash. My 34 yr old was suppossed to pick the 5 yr old up at the bus. I saw him at 2:30pm, he was laying on the couch as he had a bad stiff neck. I told him I'd call to make sure he was up when it was time for the bus......at 3:45pm I remembered to call & there was no answer. I assumed he was picking him up. at 4:15pm I called & woke him up. Now he was blaming me......yelling & screaming that I should have known & why didn't I come over etc etc. He came & got me & the little one & drove like a nut to the school..yelling & screaming all the way. Turns out the bus driver waited till 4:15pm & then called the police & they took him to the Police Station.
I am furious at my son. Of course after it was over he apologized but what the heck. He smokes that **** & then blames me for everything.
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Old 08-31-2007, 05:18 AM
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(((((rozied)))))))

I know it has been a long painful journey getting to where you are right now. Keep walking my dear....

It sounds like your son could really get it trouble with his child. You may have to step in and be ready if the system takes the child. Your son could end up in jail over it. The schools don't take lightly to children not being picked.

The children ought not have to suffer over their parent's choices but, they do. I hope your son can understand that he his putting his child in a really bad spot by not taking responsibility for him getting off the bus.

I know that it must just be hurting you so much to go thru this with your sons. My brothers are in their 50's and living off my mom and my sister is getting ready to hit 40. Mom just can't get it that she is contributing to her situation. I will say that my oldest brother has gotten clean finally now that his kids are all grown but better late than never....My poor mom ought to be taking cruises with her friends but instead she is living in the constant drama of active addiction. It just kills me to go to her house and see what she is living with. My oldest brother wants to go and kick them out but, mom won't have it. I have tried lots of times to get her to come to her senses she just refuses...
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