ladyjane

I came home from work yesterday to find a letter from my ad. She's in jail at the moment on a tresspassing charge. She gets out on Saturday.
Two weeks ago, you may all remember my post, we picked her up at abusive abf's house because he was beating her.Of course as soon as we got home she was on the phone with him. If the police hadn't come and arrested her, I'm sure she would have gone right back there the next day.
I did have hopes that this short stay in jail would have given her time to think clearly on the wisdom of going back there. No such luck. She's going right back. Well I think the next time she needs rescuing, I'll just send the police. After all, she's 60 miles away.
_______________
Trish

TrishaV

I know that is one of the many mother's worst nightmares is to have something happen to their child and not be there to protect them. But I can honestly say, that I have had those phone calls many times and ran to pick my daughter up, just to have her run right back to this person.

Hopefully, if you start calling the police they will pick this guy up on domestic voilence charges and after so many time he will be locked for a while and this will be her opportunity to get help.

marle

ladyjane, Last night my husband was hurrying around trying to get dressed, etc. while I was still in my pjs. He said hurry and get dressed and I told him what for, she is not going to leave the abf. My wisdom has been passed on to me by the many loved ones of addicts here who have been there and done that. Your posting will help someone who has yet to go through what you have gone through. Not only do you learn a lesson, but another mother or father may see your experience and thus save themselves some pain in the future. Hugs, Marle

caileesnana

Been there too. sorry, but at least she has been safe!
prayers,
susan

Lobo

I like to think that you at least protected her for that time even if it was only a short time. However, it is her decision to go back.......next time call the police to rescue her.

Hugs...........Lo

hope213

i remember ((lady)) what you went thru that nite. i wish it had been her wake up call. my prayers for her & you. we do have to quit rescueing them after a while & let them fall. it does save us a lot of heart break & they are going to do what they are going to do with or without getting us involved in it.

frankie_b

Great resolution Mom. Send the police in. They are well trained in "rescue" situations.

Earlier on in my recovery I'd get hooked into rescue mode. After all AS was my child.
Our addicts are very impulsive moment to moment and calling Mom or Dad to "save" them is the little kid in them thinking parents have magical powers I do believe. It can also be a manipulation to hook a parent into the crazed dramas of their lives.

The bottom line is we cannot save them from themselves. No parent wants their A living in an abusive situation. It's heartbreaking.
A's make their own choices.




At one time I thought by listening to AS in times of real trouble, somehow I could be helping him. He was reaching out after all. I saw it as a sign he was getting tired
of his way of living and through my own wishful thinking even concluded he could be nearing a bottom. That was not reality.

I stopped listening to him when high and in dangerous/high drama situations for the sake of my own peace and sanity. Detachment, letting go, praying for him were the most loving actions I could take.
I let go let God, stopped taking his calls and have no regrets. He's in the care of his own HP.


Hugs