mka1982

So life seemed to be going well. I was getting over the fact that I had been used and cheated on. I was starting to get on with my life and feeling pretty good about it. I hadn't heard from my exadbf since the day I shut his phone off. I did write him one or two letters after that day, but no response from him. I finally got to the point where I was happy that I hadn't heard from him. I had actually even started dating again, nothing serious just going out and meeting different people. Well, this morning I woke-up and there was a text message on my phone. It read,"I am gay now. I need to start being honest with myself." I thought for sure that this had to be a wrong number. I scrolled down, there was his name. My heart sank into my stomach. My eyes immediately filled with tears. I began to shake. Why would he send me this after all this time? Why not an "I'm sorry for hurting you" if he felt the need to contact me? I called the number of course to see if he would answer, nothing. I sent him a text message, "I miss you." Then another, "When did you decide you were gay? You didn't seem gay." No response. To be perfectly honest I don't care if he is gay or not. I really don't want him in my life anymore after what he put me through. I called again, this time crying. I left him a message,"Please don't contact me in anyway. It brings up too many hurt memories hearing from you. Please just leave me alone." I immediately called some friends after as well as made an appointment with my therapist.

I am working through the 12 steps with my therapist. I am learning to understand them. I just don't understand why he would do this? This isn't making amends for what he did to me. This is nothing!! In away I feel as though he is trying to manipulate me again. I feel as though he thinks if he tells me this I will forgive him and feel sorry for him. I feel sick again. I feel upset. I just want him to go away!!

liesagain

mka sorry you had to go thru this. One thing I'd like to say is that NOTHING he says right now matters, as one of my husbands therapists said to me about my husband....HIS MIND IS SICK..............and the mind needs time to heal repair...........and the therapist said it takes months of NO drug use for that to happen. He also said my husband could not tell me what he thinks or feels or what he does or does not know............everything out of his mouth is poison from a SICK MIND

and he was right my husband doesnt have 6 months yet but hes better each day and he tells me sometimes he cannot believe how he thought and believed things that today he knows...........is so not true but at the time he couldnt convince himself otherwise..................

REGARDLESS of what your addict says to you try to remember that hes sick and his words are no reflection of you and the person you ARE!!

(((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))

atalose

This text message wasn't about you. It had nothing to do with your hurt that was left by him. It wasn't about making amends to you. IT WAS ALL ABOUT HIM. His contact was about making a statement about himself, for what reason I don't know, maybe some ill attempt at trying to explain away his past behavior towards you.
He didn't ask you to contact him with a reply, you assumed that and then laid it all on the table by telling him you miss him. Your impatience of not receiving a reply prompted you to send another and then another.

You feel sick again because you didn't get the response or the contact you had wished for from him. Don't read too much other then his selfishness into this. Manipulation or not you are letting him back into your head and heart re-opening wombs that need more time to heal. The more though you put into the why the more attached to him and your hurt you remain.

Change your cell phone number or just delete if he does happen to send you anything again.

It's not easy no and it does hurt but you were getting on with your life and feeling happy, continue on that path and don't keep looking back.

greeteachday

I'm sorry you are hurting...I definitely agree that ignoring rather than responding is the best way to move on and feel happy. Reason really isn't part of the equation, so i wouldn't waste any effort trying to understand why he sent this message. As was said above, his mind is sick...kepp focusing on healing yourself. Hugs

BigSis

I think he wanted to get a response from you ... in order to reassure himself that he still has power over you.

I agree with Greet... no response and no contact are probably going to work better for you in the long run.

I am sorry you are hurting. ((hugs))

Ann

Ditto to what BigSis said. Gay or not gay, he is still sick and you are doing well moving ahead with your life. Keep doing that, and cut ties with him and his sickness.

Someone once said "Don't look back...you're not going there."

Keep looking ahead and taking good care of yourself and you will one day not even have a thought of him to distract you.

Hugs

hope213

i want you to remind yourself that you are powerless over him.he is not worth the pain he puts you through.do not contact him any more & give him the satisfaction he is wanting.you are doing so good & deserve so much. let him go do whatever it is he is doing. take care of yourself.i know u are hurting right now but you will be fine.hugs,

die tryin

Stay strong..

Wascally Wabbit

atalose is right. He sounds like he's "all about him".
This is normal thinking for an addict. Selfish, self centered and manipulative.
You deserve much much better than this.