Language of Letting Go - August 23
 

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Self Care

When will we become lovable? When will we feel safe? When will we get all the protection, nurturing, and love we so richly deserve? We will get it when we begin giving it to ourselves.
--Beyond Codependency

The idea of giving ourselves what we want and need can be confusing, especially if we have spent many years not knowing that it's okay to take care of ourselves. Taking our energy and focus off others and their responsibilities and placing that energy on to our responsibilities and ourselves is a recovery behavior that can be acquired. We learn it by daily practice.

We begin by relaxing, by breathing deeply, and letting go of our fears enough to feel as peaceful as we can. Then, we ask ourselves: What do I need to do to take care of myself today, or for this moment?

What do I need and want to do?

What would demonstrate love and self-responsibility?

Am I caught up in the belief that others are responsible for making me happy, responsible for me? Then the first thing I need to do is correct my belief system. I am responsible for myself.

Do I feel anxious and concerned about a responsibility I've been neglecting? Then perhaps I need to let go of my fears and tend to that responsibility.

Do I feel overwhelmed, out of control? Maybe I need to journey back to the first of the Twelve Steps.

Have I been working too hard? Maybe what I need to do is take some time off and do something fun.

Have I been neglecting my work on daily tasks? Then maybe what I need to do is get back to my routine.

There is no recipe, no formula, no guidebook for self care. We each have a guide, and that guide is within us. We need to ask the question: What do I need to do to take loving, responsible care of myself? Then, we need to listen to the answer. Self-care is not that difficult. The most challenging part is trusting the answer, and having the courage to follow through once we hear it.

Today, I will focus on taking care of myself. I will trust myself and my Higher Power to guide me in this process.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

When I feel the codependent crazies sneaking in, I have learned to stop in my tracks and decide if it is a "reaction" to something overwhich I am powerless. It usually is. That's when and why taking it back to Step One helps..."I admitted I was powerless over____and my life had become unmanageable."

This helps me stay grounded, this helps me recognize clearly what is mine to own and what is not. Taking care of myself is taking care of my feelings, my actions and my recovery. What anyone else is doing/saying/thinking is no longer my business.

Hugs

this is something that takes pratice,pratice ,pratice. i feel as if i wasted so much trying to take care of someone else. i gave my life, energy, money everything i had trying to take care of others,it was all in vain.today the most important person is me. i feel selfish saying that but the true fact is nothing i do for them is helping them. i have the peace today that i am happy & nobody can give me peace but myself.thanks for this post. it reminds me i am on the right track.