DISTRESSED WIFE

Well, I did it. I told my BF of 1 1/2 years that even though we had such a perfect relationship & we love each other so much-he feels he has this obligation to his exGF to try to work things out with her & make sure that relationship is really dead-We agreed we would not see each other until he is really emotionally done with her. This is killing both of us. We haven't spoken in days. He texts me all he thinks about is me & he prays we are together when this is over. He says he finds no romantic feelings towards her-just good friends, but still feels a sense of obligation. This comes from old childhoold beliefs because his dad stayed with his mom-even though his mom was never emotionally present for anyone in the family. He stuck by her until he died.

Now my BF is going crazy-a 50 year old professional man who had everything in the world to look forward to with me is now in total guilt. He can't even function. He wants a week of away from me time to sort it out. The writing is on the wall-he is miserable without me yet he can't let go & finally stand up to her & say it is over for good.

I sit lonely, lost & feeling like I just lost my soulmate. I saw him last week when he met up with me on my vacation with my kids for 5 days & it was wonderful. He was so happy, telling me how much he loves me, never felt so happy in a relationship in his life.

Then he speaks to her on the phone & guilt for not standing by her through good & bad times. They haven't been living together for 4 years. He is in the codependent crazies-thinking that it is his responsibility to suck it up & make her happy. She is so unemotionally present for him, he is miserable without me. Some months ago he bought me an engagement ring but never gave it to me.

I feel like I need to let him go for the week & hope he misses me so much, somthing good will come out of this for me.

I know he loves me, I know he is perfect for me, we get along great-but he isn't that perfect if he has issues regarding an ex.

I have been praying for peace & serenity & I just feel lost without him. I went to a meeting the other night & couldn't even share. I am reaching out to friends who are very supportive because they know how much he loves me & how happy he is with me. It helps but I am having difficulty functioning this week waiting for him to decide what & who he wants to spend his life with. He already told me that when the week is up, he must decide who he wants because he can't live in in-decision.

Thanks for letting me vent. It is 4am & I can't sleep I am so upset,

I know what is meant to be will be, but the waiting is killing me. He is such a great guy, but he is in Codie Hell & brininging me into the hell with him

I will continue to pray for peace & enjoy my kids in the meantime, but this is just another challenge in my life. I thought once I divorced my recovering addict and found peace, nothing would stop me from continuing peace in my life.

Thanks for letting me share & for listening to me ramble

sobercuse

During this week my friend, take care of you.
Do you have a good friend or a counselor? Pick up that hundred pound phone and get some emotional support.

Hopefully your guy will get his head together and will come back to you.
If he doesn't then, you will carry on and be grateful for the memories.

Life is fleeting. One day at a time, things change and people change.
We change too.

Each day is a new beginning.
Expect a miracle. Here's a hug and a prayer for you.

cece1960

(((Distressed)))
There are often times that members here, and friends in "real life" experience something that I can not understand, and can not fathom.

This is one of those times.

I don't pretend to know how you feel, or to understand a man that puts "the love of his life" on hold for a week to decide what he wants.

I just think (or is it hope?) that I could not sit waiting in the wings for someone else to decide my fate.

I do know however how it feels to have your heart breaking.
And my heart goes out to you during this painful time.

About the only thing I can offer is perhaps rather than staying on the emotional rollercoaster this week, maybe just "pretend" he's away...and do all the things for YOU you've been putting aside.

I hope things work out in your best interest
(((Hugs)))
Cece

hbb

I'm so sorry your hurting like this but i'm with Anvil, i'm not sure why you would wait for someone that still wants to see what the other side is like. There shouldn't be a question of the exgf if he is soley in love with you. There should be no question or week to figure things out. I"m only speaking from my experience with my exabf and his exgf. I guess i wouldn't be so willing to sit back myself and let him choose. You are worth SO much more than someone deciding on YOUR future. Take care of yourself ((()))

GiveLove

Distressed,

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I too went through it. I loved a man who I thought was my soulmate, even though he (at first) refused to leave his wife (for the same reasons you state), then refused to stop running to support her, then refused to emotionally untangle himself from her. She was a codie, he was a codie, and allowing myself to get sucked into the competition aspect of it made ME a codie, and it was the most awful part of my entire life.

I wish you luck in seeing the truth of this situation.

He wants to have you both -- you are not worth enough to him to let her go.

(And you deserve so much more than this kind of weakness, disloyalty, and indecision. Please try to see it for what it is, NOT what he's telling you it is. You report his feelings as though they are truth...when really, all you really know is what he's TELLING you he feels, and I learned the hard way that isn't always truth)

Your soulmate may yet be out there somewhere else, as mine was. Somewhere there is a man who is the perfect fit AND has the courage to say: It's you. For me it's you, and nobody else, and wild horses couldn't tear me away from you.

You deserve that, and so much more.

It's hard to see when you're locked into a struggle with someone who wants it all, to whom you are an object to be had or not-had, who is willing to sacrifice true love and devotion to feed his need to be needed. It's sick and sad.

Hoping that you can tenderly hold your heart during this tough time, and find your way through this to joy again, as I (thank god) was able to.

Love,
GL

Wascally Wabbit

Wow, I am with cece on this. I don't understand how a man can do this.
I am sorry for your pain.