oh, yea; I remember: Be here, now....
To Life!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
oh, yea; I remember: Be here, now....
Well, it's been interesting around here for sure.
My son's doctor has decided he may not be bipolar after all, and has given him anti-depressants instead of a mood stabilizer. For those who don't know, that can *cause* a manic phase. I'm quite upset about it, especially since this doc has known Trevor for @ 15 minutes! The only time Trevor has been stable since he was @ 14 years old is when Mass had him on a mood stablizer. And, sure as all, Trevor has been up and down, not working any recovery; not going to the gym; flitting from one thing to the next in a frantic rush to make life happen for himself.
He is still clean, thank G*D!
But, there was an incident with my family too. And he wanted to go to the family camp in Maine. My mom and dad built it. Mom gave it to three of my six siblings as their inheritance early to avoid estate taxes. Anyway, they refused to let Trevor go! Even if I went!
They said he would steal something - and I pointed out there's nothing to steal -- it's a CABIN. They said he would use it as a "hide-away" if he starts using again. It's SIX hours away!!! I pointed out that only showed their ignorance of addiction. They all tried to tell me what he needed for his recovery. I pointed out that not one of them invested the cost of a postage stamp during these ten years, to try and reach out to him -- even when I specifically ASKED them to! And for the record, not one of them lost a thing to Trevor's addiction. How could they? They have never been there for him!
In the end, I told them if they refused, I would never forgive them. And I won't. Trevor has a deadly disease. If he goes back out, he may never make it back again alive, and I've had to live with that knowledge. In other words, he may not ever make it to Maine again! They want to play parole officer, and they are out of line. IT's not their place to determine when he is clean; how long he will be clean, etc....and that's exactly what they don't get. We have to be here, now. Live in this minute, cuz that's all we have. Bottom line, he wasn't allowed to go. And I'm done with the three of them.
As a result of all this, I asked my mom about his share of his inheritance. Other grandchildren have received theirs. Earlier, years ago, I told my mom, (when she asked), not to give it to him. He was using, and it would be gone. It's not much, but, it's all that he's gonna get. So, I got it, and Trevor put it in an account. Originally, he had asked me to hold onto it for him, and then he changed his mind. It's his; he did what he wanted. I had no problem with that.
Well, yesterday, he was supposed to come over. He didn't. I called multiple times, and didn't get an answer. I was getting PO'd but, not worried. Trevor's attitude is much different this time, and he's been through so much already, without using; it's a miracle.
Anyway, his g/f called me, upset. Trevor wasn't answering her calls either! Ok, NOW I begin to worry. And I'm putting together all the recent disappointments; the money available; the phone not being answered, (always a sign he was using in the past -- he's a phone -a-holic! ), the lack of proper medication and it's very real effects.... My recovery was gone. I was in "WHAT IF" land. I was in the past. I was in a place of worry, fear, saddness and anger...
:
I was not here, now.
End of story, and I'm sorry it's a long one....
Trev had spent the night with his g/f, (she hadn't bothered to tell me that!)
He drove three hours to his dad's, and went to sleep. His phone was charging. His dad came home and there he was; all was well. I had left messages for his dad, and Trevor called. I wanted to STRANGLE him!!! LOL!
Ok, so what's the moral here?
It's not up to me.
All my worry, fear and anger hadn't changed a thing.
So, why couldn't I remember that fact and live in the present?
(Especially since that's exactly what I was *trying* to teach my clueless siblings, when it came to his going to Maine!!!) :andy:
I hope this tale of useless woe will help some of you just starting out on your journey. Remember, it's not easy, but, enjoy each moment that you have; it's all you have.
Shalom!
My son's doctor has decided he may not be bipolar after all, and has given him anti-depressants instead of a mood stabilizer. For those who don't know, that can *cause* a manic phase. I'm quite upset about it, especially since this doc has known Trevor for @ 15 minutes! The only time Trevor has been stable since he was @ 14 years old is when Mass had him on a mood stablizer. And, sure as all, Trevor has been up and down, not working any recovery; not going to the gym; flitting from one thing to the next in a frantic rush to make life happen for himself.
He is still clean, thank G*D!
But, there was an incident with my family too. And he wanted to go to the family camp in Maine. My mom and dad built it. Mom gave it to three of my six siblings as their inheritance early to avoid estate taxes. Anyway, they refused to let Trevor go! Even if I went!
They said he would steal something - and I pointed out there's nothing to steal -- it's a CABIN. They said he would use it as a "hide-away" if he starts using again. It's SIX hours away!!! I pointed out that only showed their ignorance of addiction. They all tried to tell me what he needed for his recovery. I pointed out that not one of them invested the cost of a postage stamp during these ten years, to try and reach out to him -- even when I specifically ASKED them to! And for the record, not one of them lost a thing to Trevor's addiction. How could they? They have never been there for him!
In the end, I told them if they refused, I would never forgive them. And I won't. Trevor has a deadly disease. If he goes back out, he may never make it back again alive, and I've had to live with that knowledge. In other words, he may not ever make it to Maine again! They want to play parole officer, and they are out of line. IT's not their place to determine when he is clean; how long he will be clean, etc....and that's exactly what they don't get. We have to be here, now. Live in this minute, cuz that's all we have. Bottom line, he wasn't allowed to go. And I'm done with the three of them.
As a result of all this, I asked my mom about his share of his inheritance. Other grandchildren have received theirs. Earlier, years ago, I told my mom, (when she asked), not to give it to him. He was using, and it would be gone. It's not much, but, it's all that he's gonna get. So, I got it, and Trevor put it in an account. Originally, he had asked me to hold onto it for him, and then he changed his mind. It's his; he did what he wanted. I had no problem with that.
Well, yesterday, he was supposed to come over. He didn't. I called multiple times, and didn't get an answer. I was getting PO'd but, not worried. Trevor's attitude is much different this time, and he's been through so much already, without using; it's a miracle.
Anyway, his g/f called me, upset. Trevor wasn't answering her calls either! Ok, NOW I begin to worry. And I'm putting together all the recent disappointments; the money available; the phone not being answered, (always a sign he was using in the past -- he's a phone -a-holic! ), the lack of proper medication and it's very real effects.... My recovery was gone. I was in "WHAT IF" land. I was in the past. I was in a place of worry, fear, saddness and anger...
:I was not here, now.
End of story, and I'm sorry it's a long one....
Trev had spent the night with his g/f, (she hadn't bothered to tell me that!)
He drove three hours to his dad's, and went to sleep. His phone was charging. His dad came home and there he was; all was well. I had left messages for his dad, and Trevor called. I wanted to STRANGLE him!!! LOL!
Ok, so what's the moral here?
It's not up to me.
All my worry, fear and anger hadn't changed a thing.
So, why couldn't I remember that fact and live in the present?
(Especially since that's exactly what I was *trying* to teach my clueless siblings, when it came to his going to Maine!!!) :andy:
I hope this tale of useless woe will help some of you just starting out on your journey. Remember, it's not easy, but, enjoy each moment that you have; it's all you have.
Shalom!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: My House
Posts: 1,122
Lol... I am so glad he's okay. My sister gave her boyfriend a similar scare once... actually it was my dad who scared him, unintentionally. Her boyfriend had been working on her car that morning, and dad dropped her and I off at the station so we could get the car and go to the movies. We didn't tell him we were there, as we were running late... we just hopped in the car and left. Well, bf noticed the car missing and called my dad in a panic, who was asleep taking his afternoon nap. Bf asked where Melissa was, and dad, out of habit for assuming she was with him (as she usually is), said, "Isn't she with you? Didn't you two go to the movies?" From what I understand bf's heart was halfway to his ankles before dad woke up enough to realize what was going on and correct himself. Good times.
It's nice that we can laugh about this stuff, but it also shows just how lucky our recovering addicts are that they have people there who can care about them enough to give them the space they need and still make sure they're okay if need be. They truly have the best of both worlds, IMO.
It's nice that we can laugh about this stuff, but it also shows just how lucky our recovering addicts are that they have people there who can care about them enough to give them the space they need and still make sure they're okay if need be. They truly have the best of both worlds, IMO.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
(( teach )) (( trevor ))
Staying in the here and now is a good thing. And it's important to remember. The Woulda, Coulda, Shouldas and the Awfulizing don't do anything except spin our wheels and make us crazier.
Perhaps this new doctor knows something... and perhaps this new treatment will help Trevor once things balance out.
And your family? Unfortunately, each is entitled to his or her own opinion. In a perfect world, they would all be educated on the disease of addiction, they'd all be in family counseling, and they'd all be wonderfully supportive. In MY world, that hasn't happened yet, and ignorance and fear abound. It sounds similar in your world as well.
Hugs and lots of love from mom to mom, daughter to daughter, friend to friend.
Cats
Staying in the here and now is a good thing. And it's important to remember. The Woulda, Coulda, Shouldas and the Awfulizing don't do anything except spin our wheels and make us crazier.
Perhaps this new doctor knows something... and perhaps this new treatment will help Trevor once things balance out.
And your family? Unfortunately, each is entitled to his or her own opinion. In a perfect world, they would all be educated on the disease of addiction, they'd all be in family counseling, and they'd all be wonderfully supportive. In MY world, that hasn't happened yet, and ignorance and fear abound. It sounds similar in your world as well.
Hugs and lots of love from mom to mom, daughter to daughter, friend to friend.
Cats
Living in the light
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Sweet Home Serenity
Posts: 706
(((( Teach and Trevor ))))
Your post reminds me of the expression We teach what we most need to learn or words to that effect.
Your recovery is blazing with light woman. Thank you for sharing .You caught yourself in the worry, what if, sadness, anger mode and turned it all around. Hoooray. Remember when all that stuff was a constant? I sure do in times prior to recovery.
Oh yes and I still go there sometimes but very briefly now thank God.
Wonderful news about Trevor seeing Doctor and getting sound treatment.
Love you Teach, respect you immensely.
I like what Erma Bombeck said about family: FAMILY, the ties that bind and gag. LOL
Still, family do what they do, think as they do and while their ways may be contrary to ours, they are living as they believe they must just as you, I , each individual does.
So maybe keep the part that binds you and leave the part that gags????? LOL
Hugs
Your post reminds me of the expression We teach what we most need to learn or words to that effect.
Your recovery is blazing with light woman. Thank you for sharing .You caught yourself in the worry, what if, sadness, anger mode and turned it all around. Hoooray. Remember when all that stuff was a constant? I sure do in times prior to recovery.
Oh yes and I still go there sometimes but very briefly now thank God.
Wonderful news about Trevor seeing Doctor and getting sound treatment.
Love you Teach, respect you immensely.
I like what Erma Bombeck said about family: FAMILY, the ties that bind and gag. LOL
Still, family do what they do, think as they do and while their ways may be contrary to ours, they are living as they believe they must just as you, I , each individual does.
So maybe keep the part that binds you and leave the part that gags????? LOL
Hugs
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Now isn't that just like an addict to go and stay recovered just when we thought they had relapsed!! ***Harrummphhh**
Okay, I'm kidding and I'm really glad he is okay. And yup, my mind was following you all the way with thinking trouble was brewing.
Stay in today, what is, is and nothing can change that. These are words I need to remember too.
This is a good lesson for all of us, Teach.
Hugs
Okay, I'm kidding and I'm really glad he is okay. And yup, my mind was following you all the way with thinking trouble was brewing.
Stay in today, what is, is and nothing can change that. These are words I need to remember too.
This is a good lesson for all of us, Teach.
Hugs
Hug giver-outer!
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: The State of Possibilities
Posts: 533
Oh, Teach!! hug, hug, hug, hug, hug, hug...
Knowing you as long as I have, you would have disappointed me if you hadn't worried! lol
I think what you did was a good sign for him to feel some trust and to realize that if he makes a poor decision this time, he is truly on his own. If a little money pushes him over the edge, then the edge was right there anyway and it would have been just a matter of time.
Yes, it is HIS choice; no matter what he chooses. I'm sorry that your family are butts like mine and Mr. M's but they will all get theirs in the end. We can't control what they do. I have made the decision a long time ago that sometimes family members are overrated. But it still hurts, I know.
Pray that Trevor continues to walk in the path of light.
Knowing you as long as I have, you would have disappointed me if you hadn't worried! lol
I think what you did was a good sign for him to feel some trust and to realize that if he makes a poor decision this time, he is truly on his own. If a little money pushes him over the edge, then the edge was right there anyway and it would have been just a matter of time.
Yes, it is HIS choice; no matter what he chooses. I'm sorry that your family are butts like mine and Mr. M's but they will all get theirs in the end. We can't control what they do. I have made the decision a long time ago that sometimes family members are overrated. But it still hurts, I know.
Pray that Trevor continues to walk in the path of light.
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
Oh my gosh, I was right there with you, freaking out!
Then I got to the end. Ah, the things HP has in store for us! Good things.
I am sooooo happy he is doing so good!!! That's totally awesome teach!
I have a question though, if you'd PM me and tell me what a mood stabilizer is compared to an antidepressant I would appreciate it!
Hugs to you.
Then I got to the end. Ah, the things HP has in store for us! Good things.
I am sooooo happy he is doing so good!!! That's totally awesome teach!
I have a question though, if you'd PM me and tell me what a mood stabilizer is compared to an antidepressant I would appreciate it!
Hugs to you.
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