krhea75

I know this is nothing new, but do any of you get torked off by the financial bind our addicts put us in. I got a blinding reminder yesterday in the mail when I got my $400 phone bill! I about had a heart attack. It turns out that it's pretty expensive to get collect phone calls from jail. Duh! My son was in there four days for stealing and trying to sell adderall, and then his friend (girl) was also arrested the same week-end for selling ritalin. Even though he came home, the girl stayed in there for 4 weeks and continued to call. I knew that I probably shouldn't have let him talk to her, but I felt sorry for her. She's ony 18 and she had no money to make the bail. So now my son is off to rehab (which by the way is also costing me because the insurance is up), and she is out of jail working a waitress job that only employs her 7 hours a week. So who gets stuck with the bill? Me! I called this girl and very nicely explained the situation. I told her that I would go ahead and pay the bill, but she would have to pay me back $50 at a time. I hope this will make it manageable for her. Otherwise she will probably never pay me back. Who am I kidding? I am stuck.
grrrrr....
krhea

Lovestoomuch

I know how you feel. I'm still trying to recoup from bills that got way out of hand when my exabf and I were together and we've been broken up well over a year. It's still a nightmare.

hope213

i remember when my son was in jail the first time. my phone bill was over $500 & that was 18yrs. ago. we talked more when he was there than we had in a very long time.the second time & lots of other times he would call at my bed time & tell me "good nite,mama, i love u" over the operator & hang up. i am sure the girl will not pay you.chalk it up, we live & learn.

Wascally Wabbit

Why do you allow yourself to get stuck with the bill? Maybe it's time to stop accepting collect calls. What would happen if you just stopped paying everyone's bills?
I did and all of a sudden, the financial strain is lifted. My addict son is also paying the consequences of his actions. I am not paying them for him any more. It took me a long time to get to this point, but when I realized I am 52 and haven't got much in the way of retirement, it made me take a step back and realize I need to take care of myself first and foremost. I no longer accept any collect calls of any kind from either of my boys in jail. They have to write. They get the money to write by the pittance they get from working in the jail.

ladyamalthea

My parents are still having huge financial woes, mostly because of ras. Granted, their situation was already not pretty, but then you add in ras needing mom and dad to pay her rent, electricity, water, phone, etc... all every month for a year... yeah it definitely didn't help. They are about to file bankruptsy, and this situation has even cause me grief with my in-laws because a collector called them to harrass them about my parents. So, while I'm not the parent here, I can totally relate on some level to what you're talking about here.

One of ras's collectors even tried to tell mom that she was responsible for ras's debts. Ras is 19! My mom said no she wasn't and hung up the phone.

I hope things get easier soon... man sometimes in the aftermath of this kinda thing, it's like if it's not one thing it's another.

*hugs*

marle

Well last fall I had to pay off a $5000 student loan that I co-signed for in the fall of '05. That was about 3 months before Megan decided to take up with Steve and make using a full-time job Hugs, Marle

caileesnana

I am also paying off school loan I signed for, her portion remains unpaid! If she ever gets a job, they will garnish her wages. Plus, I'm paying $400 month for 12 months as my % didn' t cover! That's just the last few months. I will NEVER put myself in a financial matter for her again. I'm slow, but not stupid.
susan

Lobo

I had to dip into my retirement fund to pay for rehab for my daughter. She does not have medical insurance. At the time I picked out a good rehab out in Calif. and sent her out there. It cost a bundle. I don't know if I'll ever make that money back. I thought she was ready and so did she at the time. She was there for 4 months. It was a good program and I'd like to think she gained something from it. She stayed clean for 3 months. That was an expensive vacation and I never made up the loss.
The next rehab is going to be state funded. I learned the hard way that it doesn't matter where they go........it they want it to work it will. I don't do what I used to. I am very careful about where my money goes. I am looking out for myself now.

parentrecovers

the financial part is boggling...i understand..k

ctrom40

I too can relate to money WASTED on our addicts. My $ went for so much in legal fees for my AD and AS. Prior to my recent "recovery" we spent $3,000 for AD lawyer, (the 1st DUI) and $6,500 (2nd DUI) because AD was still on probation when the 2nd offence occurred. AS lawyer $1,500 (first pocession charge) and $3,000 (2nd pocession/DUI). These don't include the money spent on 2 cars being towed/ticketed numerous times, impound fees ... cars repaired ... which ultimately ended in both cars being totaled in 2 separate accidents. I Thank God that they did not hurt anyone. Not to mention, the money spend on my high insurance rates...

And while I am at it .. how about the money spent on AS re-hab, AS private schools because he was asked to leave high school for selling pot.... AD college (2 years).

But, I am DONE spending my hard earned money on their addiction....
AS is currently using a public defender for his 3rd offence, AD spent the week-end in jail for missing a court case .... As stated by somebody before me...
I may be slow but I am not stupid.

I could have taken quite a few vacations with this money.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Colleen

BigSis

We live and learn. I think your plan for repayment is reasonable... what I have also learned is to mentally write off the money as a gift. That way, I tend to not hold resentments about my giving it - which I did willingly.

(((hugs)))

Elana

My XABF cost me thousands of dollars over all. some of it was OK as I got some enjoyment out of it (vacations) but some of it was for him to have his own business (no follow thru so it folded) or to "help" with expenses.

I bought him a lot of stuff (and camera stuff is real expensive real fast) and apid some of his bills.. never realizing I was enabling him as an addict but also as a human being Who will NEVER have his financial house in order.

3 years ago I paid off a small 2nd mortgage I got to pay off bills incurred by his pie-in-the-sky ideas.

Then he lived with me a year and 2.5 months. Exactly. Thank GOD it was only that long. His electric use for his grow room (that I did not know about) ran $400 every other month.. could not understand the amount of electric being used. I live alone now. I use $48 a month in electricity.. and most of that is probably running the refrigerator!

He ran up bills.. one he actually paid off (but wanted me to keep the line of credit open and was furious when, as soon as the check cleared I cancelled the credit!). The others he left me with. I send him a bill every month, tho I will never see any $$ for it, I send it anyhow.

Meanwhile I have done without and paid off his bills.

If you "help" them they can sure go thru a lot of money FAST. I have learned. NEVER again. If a guy cannot pay a bill, let him pay with consequences instead!

parentrecovers

isn't there some way to set the phone up not to accept these kinds of calls and just give him calling cards for calls home?

Wascally Wabbit

ctrom, that fortune you spent is enough to put down on a nice house!!
Ah, how I know that from my own experience now. And I will never see the money I worked so hard for years to save.

TrishaV

Just as I was reading this post, and getting ready to respond....I get a call from my daughter -- collect....grrrrrr. As when she was in jail, I told her that I will no longer accept collect calls...and...because she is in a recovery place...we are allowed to call on the payphone to talk to her a certain hours. Of course, I am now having some health issues (lumps biopsy) and probably a few other heath concerns due to stress, getting my children ready for school and running back and forth to my sons football practice...I will not have time to call her everyday. Therefore, we have set it up that I will call her every three days and unless something comes up that is important she is not to call here.

Another way around this is when I get her calls, I will decline the collect and then call her back. This will save me money.

On to your problem and probably most of our problem when our addict is in jail...set a limit on the phone use. When she was in jail, I only allowed her to call on Saturday mornings. I had to put a stop to her phone calls because she was calling me 5 to 10 times a day begging me to get her out. I didn't post bond, I wasn't taking money away from my other family members and I told her...you did the crime...you need to pay the time. Anyhow, from that point forward she only called on Saturday's and I limited the conversation to under 10 minutes. Of course my bill was still larger than usual but it wasn't in the 100's of dollars.

bookmiser

Been there. Done that. Agree with everyone.

Thanks for reading.

Now on to my 3,000th post/thread.

Linda