Language of Letting Go - August 21
 

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Detaching in Relationships

When we first become exposed to the concept of detachment, many of us find it objectionable and questionable. We may think that detaching means we don't care. We may believe that by controlling, worrying, and trying to force things to happen, we're showing how much we care.

We may believe that controlling, worrying, and forcing will somehow affect the outcome we desire. Controlling, worrying, and forcing don't work. Even when we're right, controlling doesn't work. In some cases, controlling may prevent the outcome we want from happening.

As we practice the principle of detachment with the people in our life, we slowly begin to learn the truth. Detaching, preferably detaching with love, is a relationship behavior that works.

We learn something else too. Detachment - letting go of our need to control people - enhances all our relationships. It opens the door to the best possible outcome. It reduces our frustration level, and frees us and others to live in peace and harmony.

Detachment means we care, about others and ourselves. It frees us to make the best possible decisions. It enables us to set the boundaries we need to set with people. It allows us to have our feelings, to stop reacting and initiate a positive course of action. It encourages others to do the same.

It allows our Higher Power to step in and work.

Today, I will trust the process of detaching with love. I will understand that I am not just letting go; I am letting go and letting God. I'm loving others, but I'm loving myself too.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

Love this.

Detaching is a difficult concept for me.
I still thought that I needed something from THAT relationship to sustain me- or to "right" me -- a love I needed to make me feel whole.

Slowly beginning to see that this is distortion and that accepting and loving myself is what must come first and foremost but BOY OH BOY is this a fight that will be hard one. In a book I am currently reading titled, "healing your aloneness" there is a passage that says - "If I am not actively loving and accepting myself every day than I am not doing what I need to do to take care of myself" - this is such a difficult concept.

For me, so much of my love was from external sources- the love INSIDE of me didn't seem real- seemed forced and artificial. Cultivating something real and unconditional is difficult.

Also, the concept of "letting go" tests me constantly.
There is a tremendous amount of energy that goes into worrying, obsessing and futurizing and when I am not doing that i am beating myself up for not being x, y or z so that I wouldn't NEED to worry about all the uncontrollables.

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Whoo Hoo! That was like a shot in the arm! Thanks Ann.
krhea