Spoke to my ex

Old 08-20-2007, 07:40 AM
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Spoke to my ex

I spoke to my daughters dad today. We were together for almost ten years and then he got sober, was still unhappy cheated, and then moved out. It wasn't an easy brake up I thought I was literally going to die from heartache. I never felt pain as I did at that time.

Since we broke up we barely talk... that happens because of his part he just chooses not to talk to me or even say hello. I still care for him always will we grew up together. But as a father he totally sucks.

But we spoke today the first time in so long. Talked about our daughters education and that he will be getting married soon. He wanted to ask if our daughter could miss a day of school so she could attend. I guess he thought I would say no.. I mean why would I have my daughter miss something like that. But we spoke had a decent conversation, its been so long. And when he told me he was getting married my first reaction was to tell him thats great and I wouldn't want our daughter to miss this day. I truly meant it... I believe he was surprised but thats only because he acts like a jerk most of the time I guess he thought I would act the same.

but it felt good to talk with him without any of the hostility.

I wanted to share this with you guys

Jewel
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Old 08-20-2007, 07:46 AM
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Jewelz,
I am glad that your recovery is really shining. It is showing by the way you reacted to your ex. Hopefully he will change towards you and things will go smoothly with him from now on. At least when you have to speak for your daughters sake.
Hugs
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Old 08-20-2007, 07:56 AM
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Jewelz, I'm really glad it went well and that you were able to feel the reactions you did sincerely. Letting go of anger and resentment...once we work through those feelings and are able to do so, can grant such a feeling of peace. I hope he too can work past those feeling so you can both have "normal" conversations about your daughtert's well being. Hugs and prayers
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Old 08-20-2007, 08:01 AM
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let it grow!
 
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you daughter is lucky to have such a caring mom. blessings, k
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Old 08-20-2007, 08:04 AM
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((jewelz))

Such a wonderful thing. I was married to the father of my three kids for 10 years. He's a real jerk too, but it feels good when we can have a decent conversation regarding the kids.

Have you noticed that some loose ends in your life are being put to rest? Difficult things? From your posts, I have. Things are changing for you, I feel it in the air.

Love and Hugs
B
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Old 08-20-2007, 08:18 AM
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It's always been hard for me that him and I can't talk and I never understood why he is always so angry. I mean he is the one who walked out for someone else. For a few months I was so hurt and angry kinda bitter to. I remember being at working and saying in my head and writing down on paper Let go and Let God over and over. And one day I woke up and I could think pleasant thoughts of him, miss him with out the heart brake, tell my daughter stories about her dad when he was a kid without my heart tugging. For some reason thats beyond me at times he seems like the angry one, bitter and miserable. I question it in my head and attempting to work to let it go. His family is still my family I know they love as I do them. I talk to his girlfriend with out any ill feelings. It felt good to be able to talk to him and actually talk. I know my daughter was nervous when I asked her to put him on the phone but she was happy to when she saw we talked. We never had a good relationship but we made our daughter together and was there for each for so many years and have so many memories from him being only 12 years old and me 14. Maybe this is just one step towards something that is neutral... I dont know or maybe he was able to talk comfortably because his girlfriend wasn't around. But anyway just for today i will take it and take the comfort of my daughter hearing us talk without arguing.

jewel
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Old 08-20-2007, 09:16 AM
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I do not believe, as much as I want to, that I will EVER be able to talk to my XABF without animosity either in my heart or in my voice.

I am happy for you Jewelz.. having this conversation. It shows growth I wish for.

Perhaps, someday, it will happen for me as well. At this point there is no contact and that is the only thing that works for me. I am glad XABf and I have no children together.

I think your recovery is shining.
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Old 08-20-2007, 09:40 AM
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((Jewelz))

Glad for you & your daughter - you have given her a wonderful example of how to work with others for the greater good.

I know that she will be grateful to you for giving her this gift.

Keep taking care of you,
Rita
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Old 08-20-2007, 02:27 PM
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you are growing jewelz & you are a good mom to be able to talk with him like that.hugs, hope
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Old 08-20-2007, 05:43 PM
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I remember when I was able to make the transition, and get past the hurt and anger and spitefulness... a time when I could look at him as the father of my sons,and someone who would always be a part of my life as we had these kids together.

It wasn't easy, but we made the transition from spouses to exes to parenting partners. It was the best gift we could give to our sons... and 20 yrs later it's still working. I know that we can sit together and be civil to one another at family events... I'm sure when each son gets married we'll both play a significant part in the festivities.

Thank god for a program of recovery.

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Old 08-20-2007, 06:02 PM
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A big step in the right direction for your daughter. Everyday you are continuing to grow, and I think that is just great,
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Old 08-20-2007, 07:04 PM
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It reminds me of the bible verse, Weeping lasts for a night, but joy comes in the morning.
We feel sad for a while, but it doesn't last forever.

You've grown and it shows. You have forgiveness in your spirit and it has set you free.
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Old 08-20-2007, 07:18 PM
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((((Jewelz)))
I'm glad you were able to have a sincere conversation with your ex.
I enjoy an excellent relationship with my ex, the father of my kids. I have for some time.
Many people are amazed considering he flat out dumped me for another gal. We had two kids 2 and 3, and I was pregnant with my youngest.
Somehow I found it in me for the sake of the kids to put the anger and hurt aside. I know, its sounds grand and all but I think a large part was due to less than healthy codie tendencies
But the bigger issue was that he had to also. If one of us had remained there, a healthy relationship would have been impossible, no matter how hard I tried.
And he was a good father, even if he stunk as a husband. Thats more than many are left with.
I'm glad a door has opened that before had felt closed.
(((Hugs)))
Cece
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Old 08-21-2007, 05:56 AM
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Well I spoke to my ex's sister today because my daughter is with her this week. I told her could you believe your brother thought I would keep our daughter from his wedding. She said he was concern and that she told him if it was her ex asking for their daughter to go to his wedding she would laugh in his face. You see this whole summer my ex has used one excuse or another not to take our daughter. She told him you cant just show interest in your daughter when it is the big things you have to be around all the time. Then he asked him mom if she could ask me and she said it wasnt her place that he needed to. What I like about this is that he knows he has been wrong, his family told him straight out how they would understand if I didnt send her and that when he asked me I didnt throw anything in his face, and said yes in a second for her to go. He was surprised and I guess it showed him that I am not the person he thought I am and that I put my daughter first. I could have easily kept her from going but then my daughter would live with knowing that mommy kept her from seeing daddys wedding. I would never do that and would never want her to think like that.

I am feeling better. I still havent sorted anything out with abf.. but working one day at a time.

Jewel
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Old 08-21-2007, 10:24 AM
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Jewelz

All I can say to you, Jewelz, is you're a better person than I am! I've been divorced now for 40 years and still cannot seem to have a conversation that doesn't turn hateful. Unfortunately, my X has never been a decent father to his son!

I think it is so important to keep the lines of communication open when there are children involved. After all, eventually it will be the child's decision whether or not they want to continue the relationship.

Hugs, Devastated
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