I'm at wit's end
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: MA
Posts: 145
Thank you Lady M for your support. It helps to know that no matter where you all are out there, that you are here.
I look forward to coming to work each day so I can "speak" with you all.
It's one of the only things that makes me see right now that the whole world hasn't gone DEAD.
plain and simple...THANKS!
I look forward to coming to work each day so I can "speak" with you all.
It's one of the only things that makes me see right now that the whole world hasn't gone DEAD.
plain and simple...THANKS!
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: MA
Posts: 145
So I am already starting to panic about tomorrow. Tomorrow is his big night out for work and I am scared because he is building it up so much and I am afraid he's going to party. I know that there is nothing that I can do or say to stop him, but I honest to God don't know what I am going to do if he does. I hate this roller coaster ride. I hate looking at him sideways every time he leaves the room. I hate worrying every time he blows his nose. I hate this.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: MA
Posts: 145
Thank you anvill, you have been a god send.
Unfortuantely though, I manage his nights. I don't have a choice but to be there. What I was thinking about doing was "getting stuck at the office until late and oh my god i am so sorry i will meet you there as soon as I get out of here" to kinda make him sweat a little as to what to do and how to handle things without me.
I hate playing games, but I want him to feel what it's like to panic when you can't rely on the person you need the most.
Unfortuantely though, I manage his nights. I don't have a choice but to be there. What I was thinking about doing was "getting stuck at the office until late and oh my god i am so sorry i will meet you there as soon as I get out of here" to kinda make him sweat a little as to what to do and how to handle things without me.
I hate playing games, but I want him to feel what it's like to panic when you can't rely on the person you need the most.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: on the lake
Posts: 335
Ive posted this so many times to new comers I should just paste it. My addict is my 20 yr old son. He has been active on and off, mostly on since he was 15. He has lied, cheated, stolen, physically harmed one of his siblings, emotionally harmed both as well as his mother and I. Weve been to rehab, counseling, meetings, detox, jail you name it. The devastion an addict wreaks on the people around them is stupifying. The truth is while their using they are incapable of loving or caring for anyone including themselves. The only care, or love they have is for the drug. They will not quit using for you, their family , friends, authorities, or anyone else. The only way they will ever stop is when the pain inflicted while using becomes greater than the pain they endure not using. This disease they call addiction is a life long affliction. It will never be "over". Its always there lurking. My addict is my son, and while I can detach with love I can never be completely out of his life, he is my son. However, if he were not my son, I would pack up, sell everything, or nothing and move myself and my family to the other end of the earth to avoid this devastion. It borders on not being humanly possible to take at times. I can't leave, . You have choices. It may not be your time to make the hard choices now, but addiction is progressive, it only gets worse. I nor anyone else on this board can tell you how to live your life, nor would we want to, but if it were me, and I could escape this life that I live now, I would'nt waste a day, a minute, I would grab as much distance as I could as fast as I could. Prayers to you and your addict.
Drug Addiction Has No Mercy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Milwaukie Oregon
Posts: 875
Originally Posted by catecicc 
I could really use a friend this morning. I am hurting so bad. Not so much because of what he did, but rather the fact that I let myself believe that there was the possibility that he would stay sober. I guess it was too much to ask. The part that bothers me the most is that yesterday especially I reached out to one of his friends of whom I am very close to as well and asked him for help and little do you know that 230 am rolls around last night I who have to work today is still awake worried about him and he comes home from being with this friend messed up….AGAIN.
Am I wrong to throw my hands up in the air? I just don’t know how much more I can handle. I am at work now, I haven’t slept yet and I’m sick to my stomach. I just ache all over. I can’t do it anymore, especially alone. I wish to God I was a stronger person and could just tell him to F off and move on with my life. The only problem is I live with him in his house in his state. I am nearly 300 miles away. Thus meaning throwing my hands up in the air would be packing everything, moving back home and then finding a new job etc.
To make matters worse we are going to his brother’s wedding in Hawaii exactly one week from today. I am really not sure I can put the happy clown face on in front of all of his family for that long if I can’t do it for 5 minutes when we’re at home around friends.
Miserable……just miserable =(
Am I wrong to throw my hands up in the air? I just don’t know how much more I can handle. I am at work now, I haven’t slept yet and I’m sick to my stomach. I just ache all over. I can’t do it anymore, especially alone. I wish to God I was a stronger person and could just tell him to F off and move on with my life. The only problem is I live with him in his house in his state. I am nearly 300 miles away. Thus meaning throwing my hands up in the air would be packing everything, moving back home and then finding a new job etc.
To make matters worse we are going to his brother’s wedding in Hawaii exactly one week from today. I am really not sure I can put the happy clown face on in front of all of his family for that long if I can’t do it for 5 minutes when we’re at home around friends.
Miserable……just miserable =(
Hang in there sweety .. a miracle awaits you
One step at a time
****{Hugs}}}
Passion
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Falling Waters, WV
Posts: 150
Don't run home with your tail between your legs........
I have been reading your post and although I don't know what it is like to have an addict for a husband or boyfriend, I do know what it is like to deal with people who say they love you but the evidently love drugs more. You has stated that you may have to run back home with you tail between your legs....let me tell you something...If you run back home...you hold your head high!! You just made a step in the right direction that is for "YOU"!! Don't let anyone make you feel ashamed for needed help out of a situation such as yours! Only you can make these choices but when you do..i am sure they will be for the right reason.
Hold that head up!!
Hold that head up!!
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