Frog_2hop

Just curious if any of you have any words of wisdom for me. I feel like I've healed so much, learned tons about myself, and have made some pretty clean boundaries around myself and my children....what I'm not doing well with is my emotions. When I see my husband my heart melts. I still love him so much and I know he loves us. In reality I cannot see how he can possibly dig out of the hole he has created for himself...especially as long as his family continues to care for him. If he never digs out, we can never be together again and my heart truly aches for him. We've been appart for two years now. I'm not sure if I will ever be able to look into his eyes without wanting, needing him to just hold me. I know many of you have aweful stories of what your spouses have done to you while in the midst of addiction, I don't. He has just given up on life while dealing with chronic pain, uses excessive meds to escape. I had to draw boundaries so the kids and I don't sink with him, but I love him soooooooo much. Any suggestions on how others have dealt with this?

ladyamalthea

Frog,

I know that 2 years sounds like a long time, but really it's not, especially when you're referring to the father of your children. How are your children responding to the fact that their father is not around as much?

I haven't been in your shoes, so take what I say with a grain of salt... but instead of thinking about how much you miss him, can you focus on the positive things in life? Are your kids happy and healthy? What other blessings has HP given you lately?

Honestly though, I don't know that there's anything wrong with missing him, maybe it's just moreso a matter of reminding yourself of why you left him to begin with?

I can only imagine how hard this must be, but I commend you for putting yourself and your kids first.

*hugs and prayers*

frankly

((Frog))

Love is not an emotion or feeling that we can just turn off. Sometimes we can hide from it behind anger, depression, denial. But the love is still there. You are doing what you have to do for yourself and your kids. It hurts, I know. The thing that I found that helped me the most through that pain was having no contact and keeping so busy that I didn't have time to even think about it. It still crept in, but I would acknowledge it, and make myself think about something else.

Lots of hugs and Prayers
B

Ladybugg

frog, I agree...time.
i have found certain things that help. no contact helped. around here they speak of having a "front row seat" to addiction. we kept in contact for awhile after we separated and i had a "second row seat"...not much better.

reminding myself of why we were apart...

praying that God would put me where i needed to be and trusting in Him

acceptance..telling myself over and over that there was no other way...i had done everything i could

i realize that addiction won....i fought with everything i had....i surrendered

unfortunately i can tell myself all those things and it is getting easier but i still have my days where i think too much, and i miss him too much....it will be 2 years in Nov.