obsessed

Well, I should have already posted but it has been very busy since my last post. My AD came back home......well my grandmothers since my husband told me he could not deal with my AD so I have now given up a husband and my home over my AD but she has been doing well, she has been home since June 1, and I finally broke down and let her get her license and let her have her car back, she started college today and all hell broke loose when she got home and demanded to go to her boyfriends house who lives 60 miles from here so I told her no.... I think your car is messed up but anyway, I left to take my grandmother shopping came home and she and the car were gone. I called her and she told me the car overheated on the way, My mother who does not make it any easier had bought her another car but took it away when she was staying at the crack house told her not to worry, she could have the other car!!! I thought great.... I have to go to court in the morning on a traffic ticket I got to tell them I can't afford to pay it all at once!!!!Also as I was telling her not to go, she says if I don't get to go, I am leaving for good.... all I could say was AND!!!!! I have been threatened with that one too many times!!! I am very sorry about my rage tonight!!!!! I am so sick of this disease!!!!!!!

krhea75

i can relate, i am so exhausted from my son's chaos, I almost feel numb tonight.
I just want to hide under a blanket.
krhea

Done_With_It

((((Obsessed))))

JMO, but

That is manipulation not her disease. She threatens you because you let her.
We don't change until things aren't working for us anymore.
Don't let her 'disease' run your life.
Your running after her and it's wearing you out.

You let your husband go, what else are you willing to let go of for her drug
problem? Ask yourself that before you let it go. If you let her, she will take
you down with her, or that is what it is sounding like.

You give up your husband, but she has to get in the car after you say No to drive
and see her 'boyfriend' 60 miles away?

I would not be okay with that. Your create your own destiny, don't forget that.
Your daughter is pitching in to create yours right now, because your letting her.

JMO

(((Obsessed))))

Good to see you!

DWI

hope213

your daughter is going to walk all over you because you let her. you have given up your home & your husband . i am with done,what else are you going to give up? i am glad your daughter has been clean for two months, that is great but you need to set boundries & also priorities for yourself. there is nothing you can do or not do to keep your daughter clean.i am saying a prayer for you all.

bookmiser

(((((Obsessed))))))

Don't walk on eggshells just because she is clean.
Stand up for yourself and your boundries.
Sounds like she's in the lead here.
I say, "take the bull by the horns".
Your house, your rules.

Gentle mom hugs from me,
Linda

marle

My daughter and her dad have never gotten along. Shall we say that he was never as generous as I was with her and could spot manipulation from a mile off. The summer she was 18 she wanted things her way. (This was before addiction.) So she decided to try the biggest ploy with me. She gave me a choice, either her dad or her. If I kicked her dad out, then she would not move out, she would go to college like I wanted her to and she would continue to love me. The crazy thing is that I almost did it. Now looking back I can see how manipulative she was. She knew that I desperately wanted her love and she used it every way possible on me. When she became an addict she was already living away from home, but that did not stop the manipulation or my need to make her happy. It took a lot for me to wise up and to finally admit that manipulation was a character fault that my daughter had way before the addiction and just made it that much easier for her to manipulate me to stay in her life and enable her drug use. It was hard for me to break that cycle, but I can say that today the manipulations do not work anymore. The thing that worked for me was breaking all but very minimal contact with her. To let her be responsible for her life and her choices and to find things to do with my life that did not include the need to be loved by her. I hope that you find a way to break your dependence on your daughter. It is not healthy for either of you. Hugs, Marle

parentrecovers

we keep letting our daughter come back home. it never works. we have to stop. blessings, k

caileesnana

agree w/ all above. My AD is 23, it does not work! She usually pulls the "I will.,..." but this time she just never came home. As hard as it is you do get better. You'll still have days, but having no chaos at home is so nice!
susan

BigSis

That self-serving, self-involved, selfish behavior I have seen sooooo often. Mostly in those with addiction - and here's the kicker - it doesn't have to be active addiction!

Part of it comes from "arrested development" - when addicts are active in their addiction, the substance becomes the coping tool... instead of life experiences. Sad? Solution=use/drink Mad? Solution=use/drink Greiving? Solution=use/drink

So, instead of developing coping tools based on experience, some addicts become/stay emtionally like young teens.

The good news, and I've seen it happen, is that the maturation process can start to take place when the addict is allowed to experience consequences for actions and to feel those real emotions.

Do they like it? Not much... I know *I* don't like it, so why would they?

My daughter has been clean over 2 years... and she is well-aware of the syndrome and STILL has trouble working through it.

The more I allow her to have consequences from life experiences... the better she gets.

I wish you the best. (((hugs)))

bookmiser

I am blown away by your wisdom and truth, BigSis.