Where are the Moms??
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Eastern Time Zone
Posts: 1,011
I've relished this thread.
My 21 YO AS is isolating - and this time I'm thanking God for that. He did call 3 days ago to ask for a ride home from work - seems his car broke down. His solution was to get a bike, and his uncle was supposed to bringing one from his place - an old one. Son said he thought he would have a one-half hour bike ride to work. But driving a car takes 20 minutes. So I just let him have that solution with no comment from me except to offer to take him to Salvation Army so he could buy a bike if that broke down and also to suggest it might be a good idea to get a job at a car wash only a couple of miles from where he lives (this car wash had offered him a job before). He politely said he did not want to quit where he was working. I have not heard from him since. I see this car breaking down as more nails out of the scaffolding of his denial - God is good!!
My 21 YO AS is isolating - and this time I'm thanking God for that. He did call 3 days ago to ask for a ride home from work - seems his car broke down. His solution was to get a bike, and his uncle was supposed to bringing one from his place - an old one. Son said he thought he would have a one-half hour bike ride to work. But driving a car takes 20 minutes. So I just let him have that solution with no comment from me except to offer to take him to Salvation Army so he could buy a bike if that broke down and also to suggest it might be a good idea to get a job at a car wash only a couple of miles from where he lives (this car wash had offered him a job before). He politely said he did not want to quit where he was working. I have not heard from him since. I see this car breaking down as more nails out of the scaffolding of his denial - God is good!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 388
Good Morning,
Well this "lurker" Mom is just laying low... waiting for the the inevitable to happen for my AD and AS....
AD smoked pot last week, well it was HER birthday (22) but she is on probation... PO says she now must go to rehab. She currently lives with her grandmother since she was not allowed to go back to college last fall... and I had got married and her bedroom was turned into a den, but I still have not seen her grades for that year (and I am paying monthly on the $15,000 college loan that I took out for her for that year). I really thought that she was doing well.
AS (20) is awaiting court dates for his 2nd DUI, 3rd position event.... but he missed his last court date, and I did NOT pay for a lawyer this time. We told him to get a public defender. THEY did not tell him when his next court date was. It is always someone else's fault. Well, honey, you get what you paid for...
I just continue to read posts everyday, gaining strength. I am like a sponge absorbing all of the words of wisdom that I can. Filling away all of the suggestions in my little head for the appropriate time. So, THANK YOU all for all of your posts.
You are giving me strength.
This time I vow to not repeat all of my past mistakes,
let the chips fall where they fall.
So there, I have checked in.
Thanks for asking.
Colleen
Well this "lurker" Mom is just laying low... waiting for the the inevitable to happen for my AD and AS....
AD smoked pot last week, well it was HER birthday (22) but she is on probation... PO says she now must go to rehab. She currently lives with her grandmother since she was not allowed to go back to college last fall... and I had got married and her bedroom was turned into a den, but I still have not seen her grades for that year (and I am paying monthly on the $15,000 college loan that I took out for her for that year). I really thought that she was doing well.
AS (20) is awaiting court dates for his 2nd DUI, 3rd position event.... but he missed his last court date, and I did NOT pay for a lawyer this time. We told him to get a public defender. THEY did not tell him when his next court date was. It is always someone else's fault. Well, honey, you get what you paid for...
I just continue to read posts everyday, gaining strength. I am like a sponge absorbing all of the words of wisdom that I can. Filling away all of the suggestions in my little head for the appropriate time. So, THANK YOU all for all of your posts.
You are giving me strength.
This time I vow to not repeat all of my past mistakes,
let the chips fall where they fall.
So there, I have checked in.
Thanks for asking.
Colleen
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 285
Mom On The Mend Here. Ras Is Still Doing Good. This Is His Second Week As An Ironworker And He's Exhausted When He Gets Home. Wow, Another Ironworker, What A Coincidence. Same As Serenity. So Far So Good, With Being Clean. It's Been Over 3 Months Now. I Hope He Keeps It Up. Thanks For The Thread.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Cloud 9
Posts: 778
This mom & family are doing well. RAD just got an apartment w RA BF (whom we adore) They seem to be doing well. I did a mom-codi thing though. They only had butter, sugar coffee & bread. So I got kitchen staples, & some groceries for them. And a george foreman grill. What can I say. It was their housewarming gift, I won't get them anything else.
I've also been on "gym cation" for way too long. So I have been going to the gym (a new one) a few times a week. The eliptical over looks a pond and it is easy for me to get lost in my thoughts. There are also some awesome classes with some great people. I can't even tell you how much fun we've been having excercising.
We have one of my SD's friends that has been living with us since graduation in June. She spent the night & never went back home. Go figure. She's a good kid though. So in 2 weeks drum roll please...SD & friend will be moving into their apartment. Then I just have step daughter left here.
Jen & hubby & little Carter (now 7 weeks) are doing awesome.
Have only benn getting on SR a few times a week. Think of all you guys every day though. Love you guys !!!
I've also been on "gym cation" for way too long. So I have been going to the gym (a new one) a few times a week. The eliptical over looks a pond and it is easy for me to get lost in my thoughts. There are also some awesome classes with some great people. I can't even tell you how much fun we've been having excercising.
We have one of my SD's friends that has been living with us since graduation in June. She spent the night & never went back home. Go figure. She's a good kid though. So in 2 weeks drum roll please...SD & friend will be moving into their apartment. Then I just have step daughter left here.
Jen & hubby & little Carter (now 7 weeks) are doing awesome.
Have only benn getting on SR a few times a week. Think of all you guys every day though. Love you guys !!!
rozied
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: PA, USA
Posts: 1,292
Dear Susan, Thanks for this great thread.
My AS is now out of jail & subletting an apt from a friend of his. I am so mixed up about all of this I really don't have much to say.
I go from not wanting anything to do with him unless he decides to get clean to feeling like I want to see him no matter what.
My AS is now out of jail & subletting an apt from a friend of his. I am so mixed up about all of this I really don't have much to say.
I go from not wanting anything to do with him unless he decides to get clean to feeling like I want to see him no matter what.
krhea75
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: macomb, il
Posts: 644
Here's a mom that's just sad tonight. Son is still fighting going to recovery home, angry at the world, making promises to be good. He doesn't seem to get it. It's not his choice. I am firm about him going there. My boundaries are set. I will feel better when he accepts it. It seems that he is still so deep in denial. What I would give for an honest, straightforward conversation with him. Sorry to be a downer on this thread. Just tired of the chaos.
krhea
krhea
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 21
Things are OK for me today. I don't post much on my days off of work. I did have to put my 10YO German Sheperd to sleep on Tues as he was in renal failure. And while I didn't just hand my AS money, he is laying carpet in my master bedroom for me so while I did pay him, I did save over $200 then having a pro do it. AS started a new job yesterday, but sticking with it is what will tell the tale. GF is looking also and getting their child to the doctor, dentist and head start meetings with the help of my DD (GF is afraid to drive). But that has to be done for the child. I didn't start anything about taking child from them as long as they continue to leave the him with responsible adults and are being responsible also.
My BF has had a bad week with his EXW being a complete mental case. This woman is completely over the top.
My BF has had a bad week with his EXW being a complete mental case. This woman is completely over the top.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 4
I've been lingering on this board for months but felt compelled to weigh in on this one. My beautiful, intelligent 30 yr old stepson is an addict (stimulants: crack and meth). He first began to get clean back before Christmas in a treatment center and I got way, way too involved in his recovery without realizing what I was doing and then realized I had become codependant. Fortunately for me, I found this board and Al-Anon and learned to Let Go and Let God when he relapsed after four months. He is now clean again and in another (Salvation Army) center and absolutely loves it. He's been clean for more than six weeks. In between centers, when he was using off and on after living with me for two months and then I had to kick him out for using and stealing, I actually had to let him choose a homeless shelter over home in early July. He had been living with a dealer and they got into an argument of some kind so he had no place to live. I told him he could stay with me for the night if he agreed to go into treatment in the morning. He then picked-up the phone and started calling homeless shelters so I knew that was my answer: he wasn't ready. It was really hard not to just give in and let him stay with me becuase I love him dearly. But I stuck to my barrier and actually dropped him off at the shelter, where street people were sleeping on the sidewalk outside the shelter. The next morning he took a bus back to my place and asked if he could use the phone to try to get into a treatment center, which he did the next day and has been in ever since. I realized that I had done the right thing by letting him go to the shelter and hit some kind of bottom becuase he was very determined to get into treatment the next day. So, for now, my step-son is doing better than I would have hoped and we're in pretty much daily contact by phone, txt and visits. It's wonderful to have him clean and balanced again. I think of all you bio-Moms out there and can't imagine wath this kind of hell must be like for you. I admire you all so much for doing the best you can for yourselves and your families. You all give me a great deal of inspiration and hope which is so helpful to me in dealing with my relationship with his alcoholic father who doesn't and won't admit he has a problem (I'm the one with all the problems in his mind) but who is, I hope and pray, moving out at the end of the month. Anyways, great thread. There's always hope and in the meantime, we need to focus on our own lives, happiness, health and relationships with our Higher Power.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
Welcome Casey!
Thank you for joining us and sharing your story.
I so happy your son is starting down a path of recovery.
You are strong...it shows in your post
Stick around...you have much to offer
(((Hugs)))
Cece
Thank you for joining us and sharing your story.
I so happy your son is starting down a path of recovery.
You are strong...it shows in your post
Stick around...you have much to offer
(((Hugs)))
Cece
remember to breathe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
mom here checking in...."ras" had a set back, but luckily back on track (again) started to go to meetings so thats a good thing, he always says he hates going to the meetings, he wants all this to just disappear, oh how I wish. but alls well with the world. oh I got accepted into a docent (volunteer teacher) program at the zoo. something I've always wanted to do. thanks for the thread it's good to see my extended family.
Living in the light
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Sweet Home Serenity
Posts: 706
This Mom is doing great! AS has been doing his thing for many years. I'm doing mine
in peaceful, loving detachment. Won't go into how I got here except to say I embraced and worked recovery in Alanon. It worked as I worked it and I'm reaping
beautiful benefits.
in peaceful, loving detachment. Won't go into how I got here except to say I embraced and worked recovery in Alanon. It worked as I worked it and I'm reaping
beautiful benefits.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: none
Posts: 11
Still here, ocassionally. THANK YOU sooooo much for your info on Dallas. (Barbdee, aka, SecretMom, not MrDee...he's never here :-)
They have a list of areas they are working on and hope I can PM you when they narrow it down a bit?
Also, here for any advice on Oxford Houses and to keep promising that there is always hope for our addict kids.
Hugs, Barb
PS...considering getting myself "un-invisible" again since I know I shouldn't be using hubby's account to post. Guess I'm waiting for someone to yell at me :-)
They have a list of areas they are working on and hope I can PM you when they narrow it down a bit?
Also, here for any advice on Oxford Houses and to keep promising that there is always hope for our addict kids.
Hugs, Barb
PS...considering getting myself "un-invisible" again since I know I shouldn't be using hubby's account to post. Guess I'm waiting for someone to yell at me :-)
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: on the lake
Posts: 335
Secret Mom, search for oxford house and they have a website with their missionstatement and a directory by state. Its been a while but I thought your A was in an Oxford at some point. Caileesnana , I was just kidding about the chauvanist thing. You surely can't offend me. Ive been at the beach for the last five days an haven't had a chance to respond to your apology, which was totally uncalled for. I love your posts and this is a great thread.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: dallas texas
Posts: 1,629
4 weeks today
Still no word. The longest has been 5 months. I pray every day she comes to her senses before all her chances are up. I am learning through counseling, reading, and Overcomers that I will go on, hard as it may be. When/if the call comes, I will be ready. Her life, her choice. I know w/o a doubt I did all I could. Now I am working on me, I don't want to be so unhappy for the rest of my life! I don't do anyone any good when I am so pathetic. So, pray for me, I am trying very hard.
susan
susan
Living in the light
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Sweet Home Serenity
Posts: 706
(((( Caliesnana )))) Saying a prayer for you this very moment.
My heart goes out to you as I understand all mothers go through when there's been no word from an addicted loved one for a period of time. The unknown is so hard on a Mom's heart. I've been there too.
There are other Moms here experiencing the "unknown" and you are never alone here
as we have one another to lean on, care and understand.
Yes, absolutely you did all you could and you have loads of courage as you are trying
everything to get help for yourself.
I remember when the feelings of grief, concern, sadness, unhappiness were gut wrenching. All the feelings were normal and part of healing and letting go.
Be very gentle with yourself now. Yes, you will go on and your unhappiness, while understandably acute now, will soften with time. It did with me.
So for now, know we care and are always here.
Hugs
My heart goes out to you as I understand all mothers go through when there's been no word from an addicted loved one for a period of time. The unknown is so hard on a Mom's heart. I've been there too.
There are other Moms here experiencing the "unknown" and you are never alone here
as we have one another to lean on, care and understand.
Yes, absolutely you did all you could and you have loads of courage as you are trying
everything to get help for yourself.
I remember when the feelings of grief, concern, sadness, unhappiness were gut wrenching. All the feelings were normal and part of healing and letting go.
Be very gentle with yourself now. Yes, you will go on and your unhappiness, while understandably acute now, will soften with time. It did with me.
So for now, know we care and are always here.
Hugs
Hug giver-outer!
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: The State of Possibilities
Posts: 533
Great thread!
Another mom here. Been so busy with the "real world" that I don't seem to have much left for anything else.
Job has been busy; starting a class in French next week - Ooh, la la! (NO kidding, it's a full credit college course that I'm taking at work since we have Canadian accounts who speak French! Can't investigate them unless I can speak to them)
SD left for Florida to start her Ph.D fellowship program! She seems to have found a very good roommate, male, who likes to cook! How cool is that?? She's been gone less than a week and I miss her.
Had joint birthday party with granddaughter - had a great time and enjoyed every single minute. AD is, well, she just IS! Sometimes she seems almost human and other times, well, I attribute it to the past drug use and probably the present. Oh, well, I take what I can take and leave the rest! Can't change what she does or who she is but Mr. M and I both sense that she tells us what she knows we want to hear - You know what? We enjoy it now and try for the moment to believe it. Once she is gone home, we don't think about it. The worry about it use to consume us but we learned the hard way that all that did was stress us to the point of breaking and she still did what she did!
What a difference experience coupled with recovery makes!!!!
I come here to read more than I come to write nowadays. You are all with me all the time as I take each day as it comes. The main difference is that I concentrate on things that I can have an impact on.
Hugs,
marteen
Another mom here. Been so busy with the "real world" that I don't seem to have much left for anything else.
Job has been busy; starting a class in French next week - Ooh, la la! (NO kidding, it's a full credit college course that I'm taking at work since we have Canadian accounts who speak French! Can't investigate them unless I can speak to them)
SD left for Florida to start her Ph.D fellowship program! She seems to have found a very good roommate, male, who likes to cook! How cool is that?? She's been gone less than a week and I miss her.
Had joint birthday party with granddaughter - had a great time and enjoyed every single minute. AD is, well, she just IS! Sometimes she seems almost human and other times, well, I attribute it to the past drug use and probably the present. Oh, well, I take what I can take and leave the rest! Can't change what she does or who she is but Mr. M and I both sense that she tells us what she knows we want to hear - You know what? We enjoy it now and try for the moment to believe it. Once she is gone home, we don't think about it. The worry about it use to consume us but we learned the hard way that all that did was stress us to the point of breaking and she still did what she did!
What a difference experience coupled with recovery makes!!!!
I come here to read more than I come to write nowadays. You are all with me all the time as I take each day as it comes. The main difference is that I concentrate on things that I can have an impact on.
Hugs,
marteen
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