new-tough love on son
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Hi WorriedNana... another mom here.
Both my kids are addicts - daughter's drug of choice was meth and son's is pot and alcohol. Both had to be kicked out of our home at different times - daughter at age 17, son at age 18. Neither time was simple or easy. But every time our daughter came back home - she relapsed. Every. Single. Time.
Today - after 4 rehabs and a lot of chaos, daughter is clean and sober - has a one year old adorabubble grandson and is pregnant with another. Son - after 1 rehab and 18 months at an Oxford House has decided he needed to do some more experimentation... and is back out there. He is a "functional" addict - sort of. Getting a little worse over time. But he knows where the help is when he is ready.
Tough love is hard! I learned there were things I COULD do (no cash) and things I could NOT do (I always feed my kids). And I also learned that I needed to be able to live with what I did... so some stuff I kept enabling until I was ready not to. And that is ok, too.
The biggest help to me has been Alanon meetings - lots of them, but at least once a week (and more if I am in crisis). I would urge you to try about 6 meetings to see if they help you too... they saved my life.
I wish you the best.
Both my kids are addicts - daughter's drug of choice was meth and son's is pot and alcohol. Both had to be kicked out of our home at different times - daughter at age 17, son at age 18. Neither time was simple or easy. But every time our daughter came back home - she relapsed. Every. Single. Time.
Today - after 4 rehabs and a lot of chaos, daughter is clean and sober - has a one year old adorabubble grandson and is pregnant with another. Son - after 1 rehab and 18 months at an Oxford House has decided he needed to do some more experimentation... and is back out there. He is a "functional" addict - sort of. Getting a little worse over time. But he knows where the help is when he is ready.
Tough love is hard! I learned there were things I COULD do (no cash) and things I could NOT do (I always feed my kids). And I also learned that I needed to be able to live with what I did... so some stuff I kept enabling until I was ready not to. And that is ok, too.
The biggest help to me has been Alanon meetings - lots of them, but at least once a week (and more if I am in crisis). I would urge you to try about 6 meetings to see if they help you too... they saved my life.
I wish you the best.
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