gerette64

I will be talking to my son tomorrow about his drug use and telling him that I can no longer watch him go down the dangerous path he is on. He once told me he would come to me if he felt he had a problem..........I'm going to tell him, whether he realizes it or not, it is a problem. I will remind him that he is 17 and that he can either do this willingly, or I will have to take other avenues. I am hoping he is ready to do this willingly. The last few days he looks drained and tired.........I almost thought maybe this is getting old for him, until I saw a conversation he had online yesterday about getting some pot to sell. Oh well, I was hopeful for a minute. Sunday he said he'd like to spend some time with me alone, so we went to dinner. I thought he was going to bring up something during this time, but he didn't. I'm hoping he secretly wants help but just doesn't know how to ask for it.

Well, this might be stupid, but yesterday after reading his internet conversation I set up a fake myspace account and sent his selling buddy a note. (This friend seems to be the ringleader in everything my son does.....grrr) I told the friend that another friend of theirs, along with my son's, names were given to a sheriff's deputy by a friend that was being questioned and might possibly be working to set one or both of them up. I am hoping that might scare this kid into not wanting to be with my son out of fear of being caught that way and word might get out to others that my son maybe being watched. And, maybe scare my son into stopping his selling - at least for now. If it does no good, I have decided to befriend someone at the sheriff's department (a suggestion I received here) for direction. Someone told me I might be able to find a deputy that would come over and talk to him......I'd rather start that way then them picking him up on the street and arresting him - but, I'd rather have him arrested at 17, then 18. Anyway........I'm rambling - the below question is what is prompting me to write this post.

If he agrees now is the time to address his problem, what is my next step? Who do I contact and what will they do? I do not want to come across as ignorant, but, this is new territory to me and I really don't know who to call first. (School district is not of any help) I know there are drug assessment places.........do I start there? Do I start with a counselor? If my son says he can handle this and will submit to home drug testing, do I allow him to attempt that route - with strict rules in place as well? I really do not know.

marle

If your son is smart, he will probably figure it is you on the myspace account. One reason being that the account is new. Go talk to the sheriff. Let people who have experience is this handle it. You are putting yourself into danger by dealing directly with the dealers. Hugs, Marle

ladyamalthea

I agree with Marle on this one. It doesn't sound like the myspace thing was a bad idea, except that people in the drug world are almost a different animal. If they do find out it is you, his friends might actually retaliate against him somehow... so be very careful. If it was me, I would not ever get on that page again.

MY suggestion, to answer your question, is to call several rehab facilities and ask them the following:

-how long is your program?
-how much does it cost? Do you accept my insurance policy? If not, do you have a sliding scale fee program (income based payments)?
-does my son need to be detoxed first? If so, where do you recommend I send him for that?
-do you have any beds available now? If not, how long does it typically take to get through the waiting list?

Then, you can sit down with him, assuming he agrees to go on his own, and show him which ones you think will work best for him as well as for you, maybe even let him say which ones sound like something he is interested in. Maybe even let him call some of the top contenders himself so he can ask them other questions, get a feel for the personality on the other end of the line, etc. That way the ball is in his court. He'll feel like he's an active participant in his own recovery, give him a little bit of a better understanding about where he would be going, and quite possibly take away some of his anxiety about going. Rehab is a scary scary thing for someone who is in active addiction!

Good luck. Let us know how it goes!

*hugs and prayers*

gerette64

After reading your replies, I went in and deleted the myspace message I sent. (His friend does not know this, but I have his myspace password because he checked his account from my computer once and I have the software that records conversations and passwords). He had not read it, so, he'll never know it was there.

I guess I will take the sheriff's dept. route instead then.

Thanks for your replies! I am going through the phone book next to check out possible places to call.

ladyamalthea

i wouldn't limit myself to the phone book...

I found this site. There is a phone number at the top of the page that looks like it would be helpful...

http://www.addictioncareoptions.com/...m.asp?state=NY

parentrecovers

i'd start with counseling and alanon for you....

and tell your son - rehab or the streets.

blessings, k

krhea75

Off to rehab. Find a good one, get a recommendation from counselors and/or police. Drug addiction covers up deeper issues and he needs to face those issues. Just be aware that rehab isn't a magic fix. It is the beginning of the journey. It is an essential step though if you don't want him in jail. This is a progressive disease. Don't kid yourself into thinking that it will just get better on its own. Someone here once told me that it's a disease like cancer. Would I deny my son treatment if he had cancer? Hell no. I won't deny my son treatment even though he thinks he's just fine and capable of healing himself. Hang tough, sweetie.
krhea