He's still at it

Old 08-10-2007, 08:12 PM
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He's still at it

My son is still on a binge.
For those of you who don't know the history...I arrived here a distraught Mom with a heroin addicted child (19).
After rehab and slips and stumbles and HARD falls, he managed to get back on track...he no longer does heroin.
He's now 22.
Recently his GF dumped him and since then he's been hitting the bars hard. Yep, getting obliviated, driving while drunk, the whole none yards. Up until a few weeks ago, he had been very responsible with alcohol, knowing his limits and NEVER driving after drinking. I guess his GF was more a babysitter than a GF...makes sense now why she let him go.
Here's the rub:
Alcohol is readily accepted, as is its abuse by his peers.
But I know better...it can cause damage..just as the abuse of any substance.

So today, my birthday (thank you by the way for the bday wishes) I did what "I" wanted to do, which was pick up and refinish a piece of furniture for my bedroom. I love it. I was having a great day.

Not ONE of my kids remembered "my day" (big surprise there).

Then to top things off, the kids step-mom called looking for the errant son ( his dad, several hundred miles away at work wanted her to "find" him because they know too he's on a tear) hinting that I should find him.

I was polite, but set in my mind that that wasn't going to happen.

Here's what I told myself:
Yep...bad things might happen, but I can't stop them.
He may get another DUI (very bad for him)
He most likely will make an ass out of himself and make it home.
He isn't ready to learn...yet

I just couldn't go to the unthinkable and if I had, it wouldn't have changed anything.

I've come to believe my HP and his is in charge...not me.
God I hope so.
Thanks for listening
Cece
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Old 08-10-2007, 08:19 PM
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Sorry about your day...But Happy BD by the way! I think you said it yourself that you can not change anything and yes the HP is in charge. We have to remember no matter how hard that everything happens for a reason!
As angry as I get at my AH sometimes I wish that maybe he would get in trouble. He is in law enforcement and I always tell him that I worry more about him when he is out drinking then at work dealing with the bad guys. I feel like what happens with him at work is out of his control. But when he drinks and gets behind the wheel that is his choice and his control.
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Old 08-10-2007, 08:26 PM
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Cece,

I don't know what to say here, other than I am so inspired by people like yourself, who make it look so easy to rely so much on HP. I'm working on that right now, so thank you for being such a great role model for me!

Happy birthday (I didn't get a chance to post in the other thread yet)
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Old 08-10-2007, 08:40 PM
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Another "HAPPY BIRTHDAY"!!!!!! Wishing you peace from the turmoil!!!
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Old 08-10-2007, 09:29 PM
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Happy Birthday late! Prayers for you an your son.
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Old 08-10-2007, 10:12 PM
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Cece,
Just thinking of your son and hoping he finds his way home. I admire your strength and you sticking to your boundries. Today was your day to celebrate whatever way you wanted and you did. Sometimes our kids are so insensitive to our feelings. So sorry to hear that you didn't hear from any of them today. Don't take it personal, you know how thoughtless they can be sometimes. A nice piece of furniture to finish for your b-day........sounds nice.

Mom hugs for you..............Lo
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Old 08-10-2007, 10:21 PM
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((((b'day hugs for Cece)))) Where is that ignore button in our brain, that off switch on our heart?? It sounds like you know the serenity prayer today and you have the wisdom to know what you can do. Staying busy always works well for me too.
Sorry to here about your son's relapse. I know how that feels, my heart goes out to you.
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Old 08-11-2007, 12:57 AM
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((cece))

My prayers for your son and for you. "I" think you should go out and get youself another peice of furniture to match this one, on each of their birthdays, and spend their day, doing the same thing for yourself. "I" think I would splurge too, and get a really nice old piece.

I've got an old cedar chest that has a very unique rounded top, I'm afraid to refinish it, don't have the patience to do it right plus I'm afraid I'll take away from it's character or value because of it's age.

Hugs from a fellow Leo
B
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Old 08-11-2007, 03:18 AM
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(((Cece)))

Hugs from one mom's heart to another's.

I wasn't until I could find that spiritual connection to the God of my understanding that I could let go and live my life in faith rather than fear. It sounds like you have made it to that good place called serenity.

You are such an inspiration to me and everyone here, and my prayers go out for your son, that he may find a good path soon.

Huge Heart to Heart Hugs
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Old 08-11-2007, 03:34 AM
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(((((cece)))))

Happy B'day
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Old 08-11-2007, 03:41 AM
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you shine in your recovery. i hope your son finds his way back before he lets all those bad things happen to him that we can not control. hugs & prayers,
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Old 08-11-2007, 04:04 AM
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Cece, Sending mom hugs your way. Hope your birthday was a good one for you. Prayers for your son that this is short lived and he gets back on track. Hugs, Marle
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Old 08-11-2007, 04:40 AM
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((((((((CeCe))))))))))

I never realized our sons' addictions were so parallel. My son was 19 when I found out about the heroin. Once he spent the 6 months in jail, he kicked that, only to pick up with alcohol, as well. The alcohol fueled days and nights left him in the same position as heroin did. No money, no self esteem, no job, and sleeping long hours.
After I kicked him out and was able to just let go and hand him over to God, was I completely ready for my own recovery. I've been here since 2005, but recovery really didn't start for me until I was able to let him go. (ie: out of my house)
Today, he's not drinking, but has started his cycle all over again. First it was the drinking and now it's on to pot. He claims he's grown alot since leaving my house and that eventually he will also stop smoking weed. To that I say (pray)...
God, I hope so.
But like you, I've allowed my God to comfort me by taking care of my son on his own journey through this world, and so I'm able to live my life a little more for me and not the people I've given life to. (with God's help, of course) lol
Your recovery amazes me and I'm so glad we're here together at this stage in our lives. Your an inspiration to all of us moms and I just wanna say...
I love you!
Sorry I missed your birthday wishes, I've had to work extra this week. So...

Linda
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Old 08-11-2007, 05:47 AM
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(((cece)))Happy Birthday!!(late)
You are an inspiration!!
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Old 08-11-2007, 07:45 AM
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Originally Posted by Ann View Post
(((Cece)))

Hugs from one mom's heart to another's.

I wasn't until I could find that spiritual connection to the God of my understanding that I could let go and live my life in faith rather than fear. It sounds like you have made it to that good place called serenity.

You are such an inspiration to me and everyone here, and my prayers go out for your son, that he may find a good path soon.

Huge Heart to Heart Hugs
Cece, Ann said all that is in my heart. I am so sorry...that he is still stuck in his binge and that the kids haven't matured enough yet to think about giving back just a tad of what Mom has given them. That just plain stinks.

When my daughter got her second dui, I was still clueless and still thought she wouldn't possibly even sip a drink and drive again. But as she says, no one "plans" to drive drunk, they just have this absurd idea that they are okay and straight...
I was too naive then and she was not living under my roof, so I didn't know that she continued to be a binge drinker. If I did, I know my heart would have been constantly filled with fear and my stomach never settled. I felt that way for months when I thought about Kristen driving after using and having the nods...so fearful she would kill someone. Then I finally learned to let go and let God.

Love you Cece...thanks for always being an inspiration to me and I hope your weekend is a great one.
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Old 08-11-2007, 09:57 AM
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Cece,
Hugs from mom to mom. I have to constantly remind myself to GET OUT OF THE WAY to allow my son and his HP to have a direct connection. I had an easier time letting go of the What If's when I told myself that he had some important life lessons to learn, and they weren't from me.

There were many many times that I said to him "I love you so much, you're so smart, and I know you're going to find your way." It put the focus back on him, and was my way of giving him back the responsibility for his life and choices.

I remember when you first joined us here. You've come a loooooong way, baby! Your recovery shines.

Hugs

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Old 08-11-2007, 10:42 AM
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Incredible recovery, Cece. You are helping him do the one thing we moms are here for - help our children learn how to become a responsible adult. I admire how much effort this takes.

At some point, he will come back to you... and those future birthdays will be sweeter for what has gone before.


(((Cece)))
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Old 08-11-2007, 10:47 AM
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Cece:

I know what it is like to have everyone forget your birthday - it sucks.... Sorry I am a little late - but imagine my avatar - pink and hairless running around swinging a frying pan - singing Happy Brithday to you in THE WORST singing voice you have ever heard..... Then the hairless chalupa takes a bow and smacks herself on theback of the head by accident.....

If that does not make you laugh - I will have to come up with another trick!

Happy Birthday Sweetie!

Love
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Old 08-11-2007, 11:37 AM
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Cece,
Happy Birthday Late. I'm glad you went and took care of yourself. My children didn't not remember me this year either, and it hurts. I wish I could control myself and my fears the way you do. Not as strong as you seem to be , you are correct in saying that you can not do anything to help your son and he has to learn for himself. Thank you for reminding me of that. Hugs from one mom to another.
Praying that your son finds his way again soon.
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Old 08-11-2007, 12:21 PM
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Happy Birthday!
You are an inspiration to so many here! Your recovery is where I hope to get soon.
susan
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