The best thing I have done yet...
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Nashville, TN
Posts: 52
The best thing I have done yet...
This is ridiculously easy and perhaps silly sounding, but I made a written contract to myself and signed it. It started out with 6 promises all about me that were very specific...and ended with 3 resolutions about H. I will not check his myspace, email or phone...
I did this yesterday. I have been able to keep my promises so far. I know the passwords since I set the myspace and email accounts for him...(I am total codie I know) so I could look at any time but I haven't. Since I know he is talking with his new girl interest currently, it would be impossible not to check many times in a day. But somehow, this piece of paper seems to have taken it off my hands. It doesn't feel like an option to do that. And I am so proud of myself.
I don't completely know why it works so well but who cares why...
Thought I'd share something that is helping me with my boundaries and obsessing in case it sounds like it might help someone else...simple and obvious but effective.
I did this yesterday. I have been able to keep my promises so far. I know the passwords since I set the myspace and email accounts for him...(I am total codie I know) so I could look at any time but I haven't. Since I know he is talking with his new girl interest currently, it would be impossible not to check many times in a day. But somehow, this piece of paper seems to have taken it off my hands. It doesn't feel like an option to do that. And I am so proud of myself.
I don't completely know why it works so well but who cares why...
Thought I'd share something that is helping me with my boundaries and obsessing in case it sounds like it might help someone else...simple and obvious but effective.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: GO PENS
Posts: 1,151
Book,
Sometimes it's amazing how we can do one small thing to make ourselves feel better.
It's like the survival kicks in and we put our coping skills into play. I'm proud of you. What you are doing takes a lot of strength. You go girl!
Hugs.............Lo
Sometimes it's amazing how we can do one small thing to make ourselves feel better.
It's like the survival kicks in and we put our coping skills into play. I'm proud of you. What you are doing takes a lot of strength. You go girl!
Hugs.............Lo
Great job, and thank you for sharing your idea! I do also have BIG issues with checking up on my ex... I often get these obsessive periods where I check his phone logs over and over and get myself caught up with imaginations about him talking to new girl etc. Having a contract may be a good way for me to remind myself that how checking up on him is so unproductive.
That's a good idea Book. Let it work for you. Remember in recovery it's "one day at a time." And "each day is a new beginning."
Sometimes when I find myself worrying way too much about my addict son and things that are out of my control, I make a deal with myself. It goes something like this......
Higher Power, I need your help......I will not worry right now. I will save all of my worrying until 7:30 tonight. ..it works for me by putting it all on hold.
Sometimes when I find myself worrying way too much about my addict son and things that are out of my control, I make a deal with myself. It goes something like this......
Higher Power, I need your help......I will not worry right now. I will save all of my worrying until 7:30 tonight. ..it works for me by putting it all on hold.
Being accountable to ourselves and our recovery is a wonderful way to begin changing that which serves no useful purpose for us.
I was the Queen of Codie Detectives and I know that snooping was one of the hardest habits to break, but when I did I felt a new freedom that was all about "me" and keeping my sanity.
Sounds like a good plan, to make promises to ourselves and put them in writing.
Hugs
I was the Queen of Codie Detectives and I know that snooping was one of the hardest habits to break, but when I did I felt a new freedom that was all about "me" and keeping my sanity.
Sounds like a good plan, to make promises to ourselves and put them in writing.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 471
Thanks for the encouraging post! I'm trying my darndest to stop thinking about/worrying about/obsessing about XAH. This week my daughter was with a friend, and went by XAH's house and saw he was home when he should be working. Normally this would have set me off, but I just let it go and asked my daughter to let it go, too. Today she was telling me about some things XAH said to her over the phone that she knew were lies ~ and I stopped her mid conversation and told her it wasn't my story to hear, it needed to be between her and her dad. Don't know what tomorrow will bring, but I know it felt better to let it go than to get TMI.
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