Addict getting support-but what about the support getting support?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Hurricane Alley, Fl
Posts: 119
Of course you are scared; that is the most normal thing in the world. You love him, you just want him to be okay, just as much as if he had a life-threatening disease such as cancer.
But.....while addiction is life-threatening, it is a disease that only the person who has it can cure. Until he is ready, nothing you can say or do, nothing any detox center can say or do, nothing any judge can say or do will make a dime's worth of difference. Sorry, sweetie, but as they say, you can't love him into sobreity.
What you can do is take care of yourself first, and your son. So that even if your husband does lose his job, does leave, you will have the strength and serenity to deal with it.
Keep coming back here. You don;t have to go through this alone. Find an al-anon or nar-anon group, and if you don;t like it, find another, and another, until you go to one you are comfortable with. Even if you don;t like everything you hear there, you can always keep what you like and leave the rest...
One completely practical matter on that point: Keep your money safe!!!! I think someone else already said it, but it bears repeating. open another bank account, give it to someone to keep, whatever-- because addicts active in their disease are not gonna share our version of morality.
You are not alone~ prayers and hugs ~ nitelite
But.....while addiction is life-threatening, it is a disease that only the person who has it can cure. Until he is ready, nothing you can say or do, nothing any detox center can say or do, nothing any judge can say or do will make a dime's worth of difference. Sorry, sweetie, but as they say, you can't love him into sobreity.
What you can do is take care of yourself first, and your son. So that even if your husband does lose his job, does leave, you will have the strength and serenity to deal with it.
Keep coming back here. You don;t have to go through this alone. Find an al-anon or nar-anon group, and if you don;t like it, find another, and another, until you go to one you are comfortable with. Even if you don;t like everything you hear there, you can always keep what you like and leave the rest...
One completely practical matter on that point: Keep your money safe!!!! I think someone else already said it, but it bears repeating. open another bank account, give it to someone to keep, whatever-- because addicts active in their disease are not gonna share our version of morality.
You are not alone~ prayers and hugs ~ nitelite
Last edited by Nitelite; 08-08-2007 at 07:42 AM. Reason: bad spelling!
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
hi nowhere, welcome to sr, you've come to a great place. the addict in my life is my husband of 21 yrs, mostly seperated though. when i first came here, i was just short of being insane from tring to help my addicted husband who were saying some of the same things that it sounds like your husband is saying. my ah is still saying the same things 20 yrs later. i had to seperate myself from him or i was gonna be dragged down by him and his addictive behavior. i understand your fear, i had to raise 7 kids mostly alone due to my ah's addiction.
on the other hand, i'm a recoverying addict myself and my family had to take a step back and allow me to suffer the consequences of my own actions before i was sick enough of myself to want to save myself. then and only then was i willing to do whatever i had to do to get sober and stay sober, so there is hope. i agree with the others, focus more on you and what you have to do to make your life better and allow him to do the same.
keeping you and yours in my prayers
on the other hand, i'm a recoverying addict myself and my family had to take a step back and allow me to suffer the consequences of my own actions before i was sick enough of myself to want to save myself. then and only then was i willing to do whatever i had to do to get sober and stay sober, so there is hope. i agree with the others, focus more on you and what you have to do to make your life better and allow him to do the same.
keeping you and yours in my prayers
Bridge CLOSED
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
Don't pick him up (you didn't) and don't enable him anymore. Don't even enable him by arguing with him. When he pulls all the crying and carrying on crap, OH WELL. He put himself in the situation, not you. His tears are not your tears.
His addiction is his problem. You have your own problems to work on. Take care of you and allow him the dignity of taking care of himself (either by continuing addiction or getting sober.. his choice).
Give him no money and even less attention. You have to learn how to detach and make decisions that are healthy for you.
Good luck!
His addiction is his problem. You have your own problems to work on. Take care of you and allow him the dignity of taking care of himself (either by continuing addiction or getting sober.. his choice).
Give him no money and even less attention. You have to learn how to detach and make decisions that are healthy for you.
Good luck!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 15
Here is a question I'm not sure if anyone can answer-we have insurance and if my husband is withdrawing to the point of puking, shakes and just being SICK, what would taking him to the ER do? Would they treat him or turn him away?
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: here and now
Posts: 1,291
they have to treat him-especially if you have ins. Bring him in. There are medications that they can give him to help with the sickness. they will probably keep an eye on him there for a few days or so while he withdraws.
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