One more thing. . .

Old 08-06-2007, 07:30 PM
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One more thing. . .

Empowering An Addict to Change the Behavior

- We must empower the individual struggling with alcohol or drugs. We do this by taking away all excuses they may have to why they cannot stop drinking or druging. They will have many of these excuses. But the bottom line is that they don't believe they have the necessary personal resourses to overcome it. Find their talents and help them emphasize them. I do not believe they are weak willed or spiritually deprived. Their will's have taken them to a place where no one else would want to go. If they wanted to drink or drug, they found a way to do it. Use this strength to re-focus them. Their spirituality is normally quite strong. They are searching for something, a meaning. Help them find this meaning. Victor Frankl wrote that if you give a person purpose and meaning, they will find a way through anything. No matter how hopeless it seems. Even atheists believe in something. Even if it is life itself.

- There is no biological or chemical disease.
If they use, it's their choice. Relapse is a choice. Tell them this.

- For every choice to use alcohol or drugs, there is an alternative choice also available.
They may have forgotten this part. The alternative choice will most likely impact the problem more directly to resolve it and not further its existence. Fear may enter here. They have avoided responsibility like the plague. But when they finally realize that their control comes from responsible choices they are more willing to attempt it. The key is when they can see how choosing the responsible choice will positively impact their life situation. When life situations can't be seen as improving, change will be hard fought.

- No one truely enjoys their addictive behavior.
They don't drink or drug because they "like it". Think back to the first few times you used. The taste was awful and it most likely made you sick. No one I have ever encountered formed their desire to use after the first drink or hit. It took some work.

- Make sure goals are clear and achievable.
The addict must develop a clear vision and plan of what they want and who they want to be. This is most important, for through their use of alcohol or drugs most have lost sight of the dreams and goals they once had. Remind them. Most healthy people look at the world as their playground. The addict looks at the world as their prison. Help them find the key.

- Avoid cleaning up their mess.
Don't get involved with the blame game. Addicts are real good at this. They can twist any situation to support their misery. Let choices and consequences be theirs. This way there is no one to blame but themselves.

- Let them know that it is ok to feel.
Most addicts don't know how to do this. Teach them. To them, feelings are the enemy and have to be avoided. Feelings come and go and feelings will not kill you. It's how you respond to them that matters.

- Fear is at the root of all addictions
Get them to takle one of these fears head on and they gain some ground. Build on these small successes so they can start to see their innate abilities to change.

- Get them out of their heads!
There is no destructive force in the world greater than an addicts self centered thinking. Mental illness has been defined as perceiving without testing. We perceive according to the stories we tell ourselves in our heads. It does not matter the reality of these stories. They are how we see the world. The addict has such a selfish view (story) that if they are left in their own heads there is little chance of positive change. What works well here is to have the addict help out others. If they are thinking of someone else, they will not be thinking of themselves. There is no greater fullfillment in the world than one who truly gives to another and expects nothing in return. Teach them to give.

- Perhaps the most dangerous idea in the treatment field is the phrase "You have to do it for yourself".
Who do you think the addict has been serving all this time? His family and friends? Get them out of their heads! Teach them to help others.

- Motives drive an addiction.
Teach them to examine the motives behind their behavior. Most of their motives will be fear based. Remember their addiction is their attempt to control an internal feeling of fear and helplessness. A good rule of thumb in checking motives to a behavior is to ask, "will this hurt or harm myself or others?" If the answer is yes, then difficulties lie ahead. Behaviors with fear as their motive will only result in self protecting behavior. They will not focus on a solution to a problem and will not satisfy.

- Fear and guilt do little to help the addict abstain from alcohol or drugs!
Most professionals focus on the negative consequences as a reason to abstain from alcohol or drugs. This is the wrong approach. The addict already knows, or has experienced the negative consequences associated with using. This has not hindered their use. They may cut down for a while after experiencing a negative consequence only to resume normal use as time goes on. This is because people do not like to live in fear. They want to escape it. Guilt is the same thing. People want to avoid it. Fear and guilt focus on the problem not the solution. Teach them to focus on the solution. Help them see that change occurs when they focus their life on something other than drinking or drugging. Don't define them as "in recovery" or by "sober time". This is a focus on the problem. When they realize they can handle stress in life, not because the are "sober" or "in recovery" but because they are alive and equipped with the ability to do so, drugs and alcohol will be irrelevant.
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Old 08-07-2007, 04:31 AM
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Blue, These are all good goals for the addict to strive for, but they still have to want to put the effort into changing and change is hard even for the most "normal" of people. Also I would not suggest the average person do this with an addict. Long term rehab and a halfway house where they will be dealt with by professionals. JMHO Hugs, Marle
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Old 08-07-2007, 09:46 AM
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thanks
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Old 08-07-2007, 10:20 AM
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Interesting reading.....

Evidently the author has never lived with an addict.......the alternative choices they speak of are certainly there....however how many in active addiction will listen to reason or care about alternatives.......the article is written for the logical mind and sounds really great on paper......in the real world it is a different story.....this article is placing the responsibility of their recovery on the loved ones and not on the addict where it rightfully belongs JMHO......
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Old 08-07-2007, 10:37 AM
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When I first came here and to Naranon, I was looking to how to fix my daughter too. I was blessed to learn that by working a program I could fix myself and find peace and serenity.
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