She's been gone for 3 days. . .
Let me grow up.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Charles, LA
Posts: 201
She's been gone for 3 days. . .
I just don't get it. She has all the resources needed to succeed. It's not like she doesn't have the means to stay in recovery so why choose drugs? They prescribed her the right psych drugs and pain medication. She has a counselor at her disposal and she has group members she can call on. I'm here sticking by her. . .or at least I was.
God has given her so many chances. He's protected her over and over again and yet she still chooses to take life for granted. I just don't get it.
Any way. . .I guess I took the plunge back into a relationship with her too soon. And you all warned me. It's funny though how much I feel so indifferent about all this. I suppose I knew it would happen all along. She'd been doing too good. If it looks too good to be true then it usually is, right? I mean I thought I'd be a little bit hysterical, you know but I'm not. Yeah, I'm disappointed but I'm calm, surprisingly calm.
My heart's not in it any more and I'm giving up on us. Time to move on . . . but it's all so sad
God has given her so many chances. He's protected her over and over again and yet she still chooses to take life for granted. I just don't get it.
Any way. . .I guess I took the plunge back into a relationship with her too soon. And you all warned me. It's funny though how much I feel so indifferent about all this. I suppose I knew it would happen all along. She'd been doing too good. If it looks too good to be true then it usually is, right? I mean I thought I'd be a little bit hysterical, you know but I'm not. Yeah, I'm disappointed but I'm calm, surprisingly calm.
My heart's not in it any more and I'm giving up on us. Time to move on . . . but it's all so sad
krhea75
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: macomb, il
Posts: 644
Someone told me once (on this site) hope for the best, prepare for the worst. This helped me when I wanted to believe my AS but was afraid. Nothing really helps though when they are hurting and screwing up. Sorry for you disappointment.
krhea
krhea
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
The power of addiction is a valuable lesson to learn. Consider that mothers and fathers give up their children (which to me are precious gifts from God and one of the strongest bonds on earth) and you can see the power. Sorry that she disappointed you. Prayers that you can move on and someday find someone who is not burdened by addiction. Hugs, Marle
Let me grow up.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Charles, LA
Posts: 201
The real fear in my heart is that this was her last chance. He helps those who help themselves. At some point she was supposed to have learned a lesson; she was supposed to have gotten the hint. He brought her through so much for a reason. There's a purpose she's supposed to serve in life.
She has a gift. And I tell her all the time that people just fall in love with her when they meet her. She's warm-hearted, fun, spirited, generous and just an all around sweet person and she brings joy to other peoples lives. That's not something every one is capable of doing.
I don't think she has an enemy in the world except the devil. God means for her to be something good on Earth but I fear that her time is coming to an end. She's taken too much for granted. She's turned a blind eye to what He's trying to show her. I know both her family and I have done all we can. In light of that, if I lose her to this, I don't know how I'd survive it. . .
She has a gift. And I tell her all the time that people just fall in love with her when they meet her. She's warm-hearted, fun, spirited, generous and just an all around sweet person and she brings joy to other peoples lives. That's not something every one is capable of doing.
I don't think she has an enemy in the world except the devil. God means for her to be something good on Earth but I fear that her time is coming to an end. She's taken too much for granted. She's turned a blind eye to what He's trying to show her. I know both her family and I have done all we can. In light of that, if I lose her to this, I don't know how I'd survive it. . .
Last edited by newblue82; 08-06-2007 at 02:26 PM. Reason: grammar
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Blue, You never know when someone's time is up. The man my daughter is with has been an addict for 23 years. The last two on crack. He is still going strong. Some are just sicker than others but even the sickest can and do recover. She has to want it more than she has ever wanted anything in her life. Maybe someday she will. Hugs, Marle
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
I am sorry, for her. Yet, we must all understand that it is their choice, not ours.
It is time to let go,and start rebuilding your life, her addiction is her problem, one that you cannot control.
Take care of you.
It is time to let go,and start rebuilding your life, her addiction is her problem, one that you cannot control.
Take care of you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 472
Still new to site and recovery is getting better. Like yours, for all that know my AH or meet him-he is the most kind, loving, giving person you could ever meet. Eventually, they see him for what he is-a functional doper!!!! Has been for over 34 yrs. They love their drugs-more than life!!!!! I have the stickys memorized!!!! Site has truly saved me. Time to give up and move on, as painful as it is. I cannot help him and he certainly is not at the point where he wants help from anyone. Maybe, one day things will change-but why the h--- should we suffer and wait. Life does go on and we should make the best of getting our lives back and better? Maybe I should not post this-since a "newbie" but thought it migh be of help-from someone just getting over a h--- of a lot of pain and anger.
Let me grow up.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Charles, LA
Posts: 201
Marle, I know I should draw comfort from what you just said but I cringe at the thought of 23 more years of this. . . lol. I'm 24 and she's 39. I haven't been through a year of this yet and I'm already at my wits end. Your daughter is a helluva woman! You are right though. Perhaps giving up all hope isn't the best way to handle this but to have any hope just brings so much disappointment. How do you survive? Being hopeful or hopeless seems to bring about the same kind of results.
Welcome, Momsrainbow. I can totally relate to what you're saying and I appreciate the advice. It does boil down to us having our own lives separate from our addict's or else lose our minds trying to "save" them. I'm in and out of that numb phase that helps keep me together but I'm apt to break down sometimes too. I mean I am only human. It hurts to love her and yet it brings me so much joy. Bummer, huh:/
Welcome, Momsrainbow. I can totally relate to what you're saying and I appreciate the advice. It does boil down to us having our own lives separate from our addict's or else lose our minds trying to "save" them. I'm in and out of that numb phase that helps keep me together but I'm apt to break down sometimes too. I mean I am only human. It hurts to love her and yet it brings me so much joy. Bummer, huh:/
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
We don't know why, neither do they, it's just that the draw of addiction is greater than any love we can give them.
Some recover quickly, some take years and some never make it back, and we never know which will be the answer for our addict. So we pray, and we hope, and we turn them over to God and ask for His love and mercy.
I'm sorry this didn't work out for you, life can be hard sometimes.
Hugs
Some recover quickly, some take years and some never make it back, and we never know which will be the answer for our addict. So we pray, and we hope, and we turn them over to God and ask for His love and mercy.
I'm sorry this didn't work out for you, life can be hard sometimes.
Hugs
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
I was told that addiction is a compulsion. They can't help themselves. They don't really want to do it, but feel compulsed to do it.
It's terrible.
I am sending a warm hug to you!
It's terrible.
I am sending a warm hug to you!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Blue, The way my daughter does it is that she is an addict too. I get through each day by prayer and living the best life that I can. I know that my daughter has to want recovery for herself. She has her own journey and I can only take care of me. Hugs, Marle
Let me grow up.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Charles, LA
Posts: 201
A compulsion they can't help? I've heard that but I've also read an article that said it's not a disease; it's a choice. If society continues to label it as a disease then it creates an excuse for the user. if it truly is a disease to which the addict has no control then why have rehab centers or why hope for recovery if its a disease as incurable as cancer or diabetes.
He (a doctor) said drug use is a choice, as is relapse and recovery. It's not a disease. Dang, let me find that article and post it so you all can read it. He already admitted that a lot of people weren't going to agree with him because the loved ones of most addicts find it to be a hard fact to accept that their love one might choose a self-destructive path where he/she hurt themselves and others. . .I kind of agree and I kind of don't. I'm going to look for the article right now.
He (a doctor) said drug use is a choice, as is relapse and recovery. It's not a disease. Dang, let me find that article and post it so you all can read it. He already admitted that a lot of people weren't going to agree with him because the loved ones of most addicts find it to be a hard fact to accept that their love one might choose a self-destructive path where he/she hurt themselves and others. . .I kind of agree and I kind of don't. I'm going to look for the article right now.
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Addiction is a physical, spiritual and mental disease, or at least that is what every creditable rehab I know of says.
Ask any alcoholic/addict with solid recovery what they think. The ones I know say they definitely have a disease.
And don't get caught up in this argument..whether it is or isn't a disease. I'm sorry you are going through this and I know you are hurt. But straining over the gnats isn't going to help you get on with your life. Focus needs to be put back on you and you making choices that will make YOUR life better.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
Ask any alcoholic/addict with solid recovery what they think. The ones I know say they definitely have a disease.
And don't get caught up in this argument..whether it is or isn't a disease. I'm sorry you are going through this and I know you are hurt. But straining over the gnats isn't going to help you get on with your life. Focus needs to be put back on you and you making choices that will make YOUR life better.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Originally Posted by newblue82 
A compulsion they can't help? I've heard that but I've also read an article that said it's not a disease; it's a choice. If society continues to label it as a disease then it creates an excuse for the user. if it truly is a disease to which the addict has no control then why have rehab centers or why hope for recovery if its a disease as incurable as cancer or diabetes.
He (a doctor) said drug use is a choice, as is relapse and recovery. It's not a disease. Dang, let me find that article and post it so you all can read it. He already admitted that a lot of people weren't going to agree with him because the loved ones of most addicts find it to be a hard fact to accept that their love one might choose a self-destructive path where he/she hurt themselves and others. . .I kind of agree and I kind of don't. I'm going to look for the article right now.
He (a doctor) said drug use is a choice, as is relapse and recovery. It's not a disease. Dang, let me find that article and post it so you all can read it. He already admitted that a lot of people weren't going to agree with him because the loved ones of most addicts find it to be a hard fact to accept that their love one might choose a self-destructive path where he/she hurt themselves and others. . .I kind of agree and I kind of don't. I'm going to look for the article right now.
As Hangin' In said, the issue is not whether it is a disease or not, the issue is what are we doing to help ourselves recover from our exposure to it and involvement in it, whatever you choose to call "it".
Meetings helped me survive and find a better way of living. Naranon, Alanon and CoDA are all similar and can help you too, if you are willing.
Hugs
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