First visit to son's first inpatient week
 

SUCKED.


I am getting much better at using just a word or two instead of a book.

We went, it went fine as long as he controlled the conversation. We saw a counselor after he said he didn't want to, and he walked in the room, counselor said, glad you came, son.........................................all went downhill after that.

What did I expect? Nothing really. I'm just tired of the whole addiction thing and may opt out of next Sunday's visit, not as punishment, just selfishly I need not to be there most likely for my own sanity.

Oh well, at least they have good cookies:)

Love,
Bets

Bets, At least the cookies provided you with a bright spot:) I know that if my daughter ever goes to rehab, I will give her a thumbs up, but will avoid the family week. I know enough about addiction to write my own book and having her justify her use by beating me up is not something that I would look forward to. Heck we already beat ourselves up enough:) Hugs, Marle

I went every time the door was open as they said it was "good for her self esteem", "needed to feel loved" etc. I did my part, she didn't.

I know how hard it is, to sit there and here things I didn't know, but she said I did. I did enjoy some of the clasees though, they got down and hard on the "clients". Their slogan: They will either clean up, get locked up or covered up!

Once they had them all stand up and said not all of you are going to make it. Of course my idiot turned to me and said "I WILL". and she didnt'.

I pray this is your sons time and he has hurt enought inside to want out and want help. I feel for you as a parent, wish we could deflect this pain to some deserving a**holes!

Blessings to you and your family,
susan

Maybe in another week he might have learned something and the cookies might suck.
Just a thought

Did you ever stop to think-you are being a good parent? Doing the best you can do? Standing by him in rehab-whether it sucks or not. I consider that a loving parent. Had my AH had help from his 34 yrs. ago-he might have gone a different road, Hopefully-he will see the light-I pray so.

i also know the visits go in rehab & prison. i hate to go, been there ,done that. is this his first time? it is still about the addict, in there eyes & what they want untill they have a lot of clean time & are working the program for a long time do they begin to change there ways. lots of addicts get clean but still have there nasty ways.saying a prayer for your son that he willfind his way.saying a prayer for you that you will take care of yourself. i am glad to know that you are not going next week, especilly if his attitude does not change. hugs,

Bets,
sorry it sucked. You arent selfish for not wanting to go back..heck I dont think I
would go at all. My son has always blamed me and everyone else for his addictions,
and I dont see that changing anytime soon.
This addiction stuff sure gets old doesnt it!

treatment i have learned the hard way is all about what the addict makes it................they can lie there and act out as much as in the streets or at home..........
sorry it sucked for you and if you decide to go back ..........I hope it gets better and if you decide not to go I hope you do something good for you that day!!

Way to look on the bright side of it. :biggrin:

I'm sorry the meeting sucked momma. Your son remains in my prayers daily.......as well as you my friend. Sending over a big squishy hug. :hug: Love you!!

I always hated the first week clean...it was crankiness personified...manipulation, anger, whining...yuck, yuck, yuck. I was really glad when the rehab had a 7 day blackout.

So sorry your visit was not good...I hope next time, if you choose to go, that it is better. Every day clean helps. Hugs and prayers

Thank you all for your replies.

Greet, you hit it all on the button. A counselor had suggested Antabuse, since drinking is a trigger for the cocaine, our son said he'd probably decline and gave all the reasons, drinking mouthwash can make you sick, some side effects, etc. I'm sure that the side effects of Antabuse don't hold a candle to what cocaine daily does to your brain, but we don't talk about that.

I brought up in the session that I wasn't so sure that being back in our home would be the best for our son in his early recovery, and that's when he got so mad. The counselor asked why, I told him that his drug dealer was just a few miles away and that if son got frustrated that would be first place he could easily go. Also, I didn't mention that if he were here, this time I am not a willing transportation facility, I mentioned that he has a cup of money in his room and no job and no license.

Son volleyed back with facts about halfway houses being rampant with drug use. I told him he knows he can find drugs anywhere and everywhere, so what's the difference?

I know he expects to come back here, but I wanted to give him time to think and we just don't think 28 days after 5 years of drug use is enough. We become the enemy, and I won't trust him one more bit in three more weeks than I do know. For me, time in recovery is the key to a relationship with our son.

The counselor asked me why I looked so sad. I told him I was just weary of addiction, tears came out without meaning to, and this angered our son even more. I just can't do it. I like leaving my pocketbook on the counter and not worrying about if my bank card is still there. I like knowing that when my kids say they're going somewhere, they're open with me and I do have a good idea of what they're doing, even our daughter in college, it's just good communication.

After a day like yesterday, the stress is too much. I know I cannot personally take the stress of an addict. I have to save myself and keep my family intact. We have tried to be supportive, but enough is enough.

Just talking to myself, thanks.

Love,
Bets

You're right I believe in him not coming home. I left my daughter and she went right back..not that she couldn't from a half way or receovery home, but I woulnd't have had to go through it again. I had the front row seat!

Prayers for your son and you to make the right decision,
susan

We made the decision (every time) to have our daughter leave our home - WHILE she was in rehab. She had the support there she needed to get through the pain of that decision, and it was a good one for us.

It is hard... very, very hard. But it was the first real, solid boundary that SHE could see from us. It was important, too, because she relapsed each and every time she came home. The familiar territory was just too familiar.

And I don't know about other halfway houses, but the Oxford Houses both son and daughter went to following rehab we very drug INTOLERANT. Get caught using and you have 15 MINUTES to pack your crap and go...

I think he is blowing smoke...


(((hugs))))

He got mad because it wasn't what "he" wanted. Well, what "he" wanted and "his" best thinking got him where he is today. Maybe it's time he started listening instead of talking so much. And maybe it's time he learned respect for his mother, a wonderful mother who loves her son enough to let him find his own way.

Bets, he has other options. It may not be what "he" wants, but that's all on him and not a reflection of you or your mothering abilities.

I get touchy when people tell us mothers what we "should" or "shouldn't" be doing. Some people think I am not a good mother because I no longer enable my son and I no longer make myself crazy by attending jails, institutions or potential death situations.

I don't want a front row seat anymore, Bets. and having paid admission and spent sufficient time there to understand the drama...I CAN choose to leave the theatre of addiction and start looking after myself. And so can you, sweetie, just let it be known that Bets has left the building. Maybe you and I can spend a day on the beach instead, it's much nicer there and we don't have to apologize to anyone for our choice.

Sending hugs because I know this is hard. Just remember that your life and how you live it is "your" choice and our kids, once grown, no longer get a vote.

Hugs

Hey Bets,
Sorry the visit wasn't the best.
I didn't attend any of my son's sessions. I had decided shortly after I took him to be admittied that I couldn't be there "with" him. I did see him here and there when I dropped off things he needed. It gave me a change to remind him I was rooting for him, and I usually dropped a card in his care packege letting him know I loved him, and I was proud of him for seeing it through. It didn't matter if it made a difference to him, it made a difference to me.
I think by the time he entered, I just couldn't take one more day of the sadness that addiction brings. I wasn't in denial, nor did I take it lightly, I just let him handle it.
I agree with Ann in that I often get bothered by what we "should" do as "good" moms. I was lucky in that the rehab my son was in put the burden on the addict. No one there used the language that implied that I "should" be there for events.
I don't regret not going.
My son knows darn right well I cared, and I supported his efforts.
I was just a beaten tired mom when it came to addiction.
Hang in there Bets
(((Cece))))

hey bets, sorry that your visit didn't go well, i pray that in time, your son's attitude with get better. i think that you are a good mom and maybe its time for you to do what makes you feel better. i'm still praying for you and your son.

try to be patient, with yourself and your son. it just takes time and more recovery.

blessings, k

(I'm grateful he's in treatment)