Momsrainbow

He just called to tell me he was going to the hospital-leg has been swollen for days and about to burst. He is at one of his convicted felons house and that a-- is going to take him. I think he was waiting for me to tell him to have someone bring the truck to me and I would drive him-WRONG!!!!!!! Said he would have called before but his cell is shut off(I stopped pmt.). Like his cell was the only one in the world-right? Wanted to know why I had not tried to contact him-told him I had no reason to call him, I had nothing to say to him. Said he would be over in the next few days to talk and I told him there was nothing to talk about. Would be interesting to know how his blood and urine test come out-hehe!!!!! He did have cancer right before I met him in 2001-the same cancer killed his younger brother. Hopefully his leg is gout or something. Cancer does concern me. Am I wrong for not rushing to the emergency room? Am I an unfeeling B----? I could not face the bunch of druggies-I know me-I would come unglued at them and get myself into trouble. Thanks all. Stressing a tad and venting a lot.

ladyamalthea

Momsrainbow,

I don't think you're wrong at all. The way I see it is that, if it were me, i'd go flying up there, he'd make me feel bad somehow, and I'd end up feeling like I needed to take care of him for some silly reason. Next thing you know I'd be back in the viscious cycle again... so no. I think you're doing the right thing, especially if you think you might do something you'd regret if you saw his friends. Nothing wrong with protecting yourself!

Who knows, maybe this incident will somehow scare him into cleaning things up...

*hugs and prayers*

Elana

You are taking care of YOU. Part of that is NOT going to the ER, NOT offering to pick him up, NOT putting yourself in a situation where you come unglued at people.

I think your recovery is shining likely a newly minted coin!

hope213

no hospital, no guilt. you are doing so good in your recovery. there is no point in going to see about him.he is going to see about himself. hands off the addict. you are taking care of you.good for you. i am praying for you both.

Nina Kay

I want to add my 2 cents. ha. I agree with the others that you are doing the right thing and you are doing what's best for yourself and for him, too. I know that it does take alot of strength to do what you are doing and I hope that you really do stick to it. I've been in that place with my son, as he went to the hospital, literally dying 3 or 4 times a year for 8 long years. He kept doing what put him there, even though the Drs. would tell him that if he got sick like that one more time, he would die. It was also the most horrilbe sickness and the most painful sickness that I've ever seen anyone be in, but that still didn't stop him. I believe now that it would have made a difference if his Dad and I would have said, we're not coming and let him go through all of that horror by himself. These horrifying experiences were not traumatizing him like they were us. Through the nurses, he learned how to get a needle in, so that he then started using a needle to inject his drugs. He then got his foot infected and kept putting off going to the hospital, so that when he finally had to go, it was really swollen and they almost had to remove his foot to keep him from losing his life. Thanks be to God, they were able to get all of the posion out fast enough, by removing the top part of his foot and he had to have skin grafts every day by surgery for several days in a row. I just wanted to share this with to help you to know that you did do the right thing for both of you and it will only prolong your torment if you do give in and go and it won't help him one bit. Take care of you. He is not suffering near as much as you are, even it if appears that he is. His feelings and his mind have been severely altered by the drugs, but you are having to deal with all of this with all of your awareness and feelings full on. Just wanted to share my ESH.

krhea75

Sounds like you are following your recovery path....don't let him make you feel bad about it.
krhea

Momsrainbow

Recovery feels soooooo Good!!!!! More positive direction-a few twinges of the heart-but they don't last long. Must confess-I called the hospital to see if he was admitted-he was not. He did spend most of the night in the ER and he was alone.(my attorney's wife is head nurse there). I knew he had been having problems with the leg-for a few months now. Hopefully he has received the right treatment. -a heart twinge! But also I just imagine he got a ton of happy pills and will trip on them until they run out or his druggie friends steal them. He got tons of pain meds from the neurosurgeon (back surgery in Feb.) more than tons from my dr. that I took him to-tooooooo many. B---- that I am called them both and he will NEVER get another controlled substance out of them. I did this months ago. Now, he can do whatever his happy a-- wants or tries-NO LONGER MY PROBLEM!!!!!!! His best friend-he could always count on me-IS DONE AND GONE!!!!!!!! It feels GOOD!!!!!

outonalimb

Good for you, moms.

I admire your strength...
Keep going...

hope213

you are getting stronger & it does feel good to be able to breath & not worry about them every second.hugs,

Elana

I know EXACTLY how this feels.

Yup.. you go and do something NICE for YOU now. It doesn't have to be much... can be as simple as some Fat Free Sugar Free Instant Pudding and Skim Milk! Then sit and eat it w/o feeling a bit bad!

Momsrainbow

You must be kidding? Since June I have lost over 30 lbs. because of torment.(needed to loose them-but not this way) Almost back to mini-me. I made homemade chocolate pudding last night-every calorie I could get into it!!!!! I don't have a bad feeling about it!!!!! hehe shame on me-huh?

Life is getting better.=other than heart twinges=(they pass) Even the unwanted pups he left are actually doing great. Trying to find a home for them has increased-ad did nothing-other than draw "scumbags". Pups must have felt the stress from me. I know my dog did. What a difference a couple of days make.

Ok. have only one bowl of pudding left-off to get it and will not have a guilt thought!

LOL and thank you!!!!!!!!!!

Momsrainbow

Another day of recovery and doing pretty darn good. Lady friend picked me up to go shopping for us, her mom and my grandmother. She had to pick up some antique glassware on the way to town. Darn-had to drive by where hubby is crashing-tons of druggie cars and his "meth *****". A minor "heart twinge" and pile of some of the better swear words and that was it!!!!! He never had the decency to call his family after the trip to the ER. What an ass!!!! Went shopping, lady friend bought lunch-visited with her mom and then my gram. Home and gave her a ton of ferns and plants I had duplicates of-she was so excited!!!!!! She is redoing her back yard and getting most plants from here!!!! Have over 600 named daylilies and probably 50 or more named daffys, jonquils,and hostas. Someone needs to enjoy them-I cannot keep the yard up because of health. AH worked on it once in 1.5 yrs.-he hid the drugs well. Unbelievable what friend and I have found in the backyard. Sorry SOB told me had 3 pot plants in the far back last yr.-I never knew that until right recently when he got high and mouthy and bragging!!!!! Not a "heart twinge" just disgust. Disgust is good I think-makes me more determined than ever to keep going forward-looking back also makes me more determined. Sound strange? Works for me. Gone all day-pups id fine-one accident on the papers. One plastic container out of the trash shredded-but that was it. Strange my calmness has made such a difference. Just an update. I still feel better!!!!!! Thanks all!!

parentrecovers

you're doing all the right things! k

Momsrainbow

OK-truly stressing big time as to his health. No love left-but concern-is this wrong? I do not think I am hanging on-just cincerned about his health mostly(health other than drugs). His duggie friends-no telling -no telling what he may do. Just want to be prepared when the sh-- hits the fan-more one time. I know-don't let it happen-but I have always had a gut feeling-always!!! Gut feeling was only wrong once since 2001.Have had crank phone calls-all local-even if I am doing my best-the sorry AH will try to play mind F--- games with me. Mind games suck-I win? What sorry SOB he is-3 times in prison-drugs-$close to $100,000 in bail, etc.-I gave-he took-right down-to I had to apply for welfare. Deined!!!!! About to loose it big time!!!!!!

Ann

Mom, you don't have to play those games. Don't answer your phone and delete messages other than those you are certain of.

Now would be a good time to practice alternatives to just stressing and fretting, yes?

Maybe go for a walk or call a friend and go for a coffee. Catch a meeting or just keep reading here and keep your mind busy with something positive for you.

Most of all breathe....deep breaths...in and out and repeat after me "Taking care of myself is a healthy, responsible thing to do and I am worth it!!"

You'll be okay, just hand on to the positive stuff and let the negative go.

Hugs

Elana

it is likely you were denied welfare due to the fact that you have assets (house?).

Can you apply for disability? If your health is bad and you cannot work you may be eligible. Talk to Social Services. Talk to United way. Talk to everyone and everything.. churches etc.

Your AH isn't going to save you as you well know. Only you can save you!

Love the idea of your day lillies!

Momsrainbow

Yep. own a home-not really worth much amd needs drastic repairs-AH started & never finished. Disability with SS-tried that also-paperwork is right here in front ofe. I worked for many yrs. in/suburbs of Chicago-moved here in '89 to help mom take care of gram & gramps. They tossed my gramps in a nursing home-he died. Mom-had a bad dr.-long story-she had a stoke(mini) fired her dr.-another took over-bad dr. got his nose back in and lied. Did oposite surgery than what was needed-killed my mother. I have 2 huge boxes of medical records to prove it. Gram would not let me have an autosy done-should have done it. Inheritance was ok-mate died from lung cancer-left more $-than my tenant had a son who needed work-ok-he worked-damn hard worker-he -played the game-d--- if I had a clue. I was not raised poor white trash. It goes on and on and on. Doing my best to get life back-???

dollydo

Sometimes, we too must face the music, that of our bad decisions. All to often, we think with our hearts and not our heads, we dole out money for our addicts like there is no tomorrow, and then the string breaks....there is no more money. We can only blame the addict for so much of our misery, much of our misery is self created, we chose to give them "gifts", we chose to strap ourselves finacially, they did not do this to us, we did.

Now what can we do? Only one thing, think on our feet, Elana has given you some good ideas, hop on them.

Most important, never repeat the mistakes, be like a fighter in the ring, fight fair, but, protect yourself at all times.

Wascally Wabbit

I too am trying to get my life back together 2 years after my divorce. He left me with a terrible credit report with all HIS credit cards that he had listed me as an authorized user. It's a very draining thing to have to go through all this.
But, at least, thank HP, I am not living in that chaos any more.
You know, I am thinking about applying for a Habitat for Humanity House.
Why don't you look them up.

Momsrainbow

Stressungh major, major time here. Was at the neighbors and low and behold truck is right across the street at the rent house. Jusr pissed us off-druggie was with the meth whores kid in my truck(hubbys name becaue I put it up for collateral-supposed to hav been in both names) Druggie tells me yes she is living in the same house-but hubby has not touched her. BULL ****!!!!! Been there done that lies before. Yep, got me upset-got my neighbor upset. Apt. owner down the road heard about it and he cqme to make sure I was ok. I was at the neighbors and the druggie tenants kid came to their house to tell me I had comapny. Can't you just imagine how such a simple thing will get blown out of proportion? I have heard more lies and BS in the last 3 hrs. than I have heard in my 62 yrs. I was doing so good-I thought-did not need the druggies to lie and jerk my chain. Patience has maxed out-!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!