Language of Letting Go - August 3
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Language of Letting Go - August 3
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Owning Our Power in Relationships
So much of what I call my codependency is fear and panic because I spent so much of my life feeling abused, trapped, and not knowing how to take care of myself in relationships.
-- Anonymous
No matter how long we have been recovering, we may still tend to give up our power to others, whether they be authority figures, a new love, or a child.
When we do this, we experience the set of emotions and thoughts we call "the codependent crazies." We may feel angry, guilty, afraid, confused, and obsessed. We may feel dependent and needy or become overly controlling and rigid. We may return to familiar behaviors during stress. And for those of us who have codependency and adult children issues, relationships can mean stress.
We don't have to stay stuck in our codependency. We don't have to shame or blame ourselves, or the other person, for our condition. We simply need to remember to own our power.
Practice. Practice. Practice using your power to take care of yourself, no matter who you are dealing with, where you are, or what you are doing. This is what recovery means. This does not mean we try to control others; it does not mean we become abrasive or abusive. It means we own our power to take care of ourselves.
The thought of doing this may generate fears. That's normal! Take care of yourself anyway. The answers, and the power to do that, are within you now.
Start today. Start where you are. Start by taking care of who you are, at the present moment, to the best of your ability.
Today, I will focus on owning my power to take care of myself. I will not let fears, or a false sense of shame and guilt; stop me from taking care of myself.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Owning Our Power in Relationships
So much of what I call my codependency is fear and panic because I spent so much of my life feeling abused, trapped, and not knowing how to take care of myself in relationships.
-- Anonymous
No matter how long we have been recovering, we may still tend to give up our power to others, whether they be authority figures, a new love, or a child.
When we do this, we experience the set of emotions and thoughts we call "the codependent crazies." We may feel angry, guilty, afraid, confused, and obsessed. We may feel dependent and needy or become overly controlling and rigid. We may return to familiar behaviors during stress. And for those of us who have codependency and adult children issues, relationships can mean stress.
We don't have to stay stuck in our codependency. We don't have to shame or blame ourselves, or the other person, for our condition. We simply need to remember to own our power.
Practice. Practice. Practice using your power to take care of yourself, no matter who you are dealing with, where you are, or what you are doing. This is what recovery means. This does not mean we try to control others; it does not mean we become abrasive or abusive. It means we own our power to take care of ourselves.
The thought of doing this may generate fears. That's normal! Take care of yourself anyway. The answers, and the power to do that, are within you now.
Start today. Start where you are. Start by taking care of who you are, at the present moment, to the best of your ability.
Today, I will focus on owning my power to take care of myself. I will not let fears, or a false sense of shame and guilt; stop me from taking care of myself.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Oh boy, Melody Beattie has been peeking in my window again. 
Although I have found a place of acceptance and peace in my life when it comes to personal relationships, I still struggle with using my recovery tools in the "real world", sometimes. On the job or in situations where I am not the authority figure I am so easily intimidated, if I allow myself to be, and that happens more often than I care to admit.
I have learned to find my voice and speak out for myself and my values when I feel compromised, but to do that I really have to take a step back, detach from feelings of guilt or fear of confrontation, and just say what is on my mind and how I feel about what is happening. Easy? Nope. But necessary if I am to find and keep my own power in my life.
I am grateful for all the gifts of recovery, especially the one that has let me see that I can and should take care of myself in all my affairs. What is right for me, is right for ME, and I don't have to apologize to anyone for taking care of my own needs.
I needed to read this today, to remind myself that I am worthy of love and respect, at home, at work and in all my relationships in life. As much as that makes me squirm sometimes, it is a good reminder and one I must practice and practice and practice until I get it right.
Hugs
Although I have found a place of acceptance and peace in my life when it comes to personal relationships, I still struggle with using my recovery tools in the "real world", sometimes. On the job or in situations where I am not the authority figure I am so easily intimidated, if I allow myself to be, and that happens more often than I care to admit.
I have learned to find my voice and speak out for myself and my values when I feel compromised, but to do that I really have to take a step back, detach from feelings of guilt or fear of confrontation, and just say what is on my mind and how I feel about what is happening. Easy? Nope. But necessary if I am to find and keep my own power in my life.
I am grateful for all the gifts of recovery, especially the one that has let me see that I can and should take care of myself in all my affairs. What is right for me, is right for ME, and I don't have to apologize to anyone for taking care of my own needs.
I needed to read this today, to remind myself that I am worthy of love and respect, at home, at work and in all my relationships in life. As much as that makes me squirm sometimes, it is a good reminder and one I must practice and practice and practice until I get it right.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
it has always been hard for me to take up for myself, defend myself on things that were important to me. i have always been the door mat for other people. it was a case of wanting to be accepted, wanting to be liked. today with my recovery working for me i am learning a new way of life,& a new way of doing things & for that i am grateful. i too have to pratice,pratice, & pratice. nobody said it would be easy.
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