historyteach

I'm having a tough time with my family. I hope you don't mind my vent. Feel free to share your thoughts too.

My mom and dad left their cabin in Maine to three of my siblings. Three others got other money and/or things for their inheritance. I, alone, got nothing. My mom actually told me last summer, (when I stayed with her to care for her, cuz she is unable to do so now with arthritis), that she "ran out of time." So, I alone of seven children got no inheritance, and will not receive any, due to medicade/medicare issues. Anyway, two of my siblings who now own the cabin have refused to let Trevor visit the cabin -- even if I go too!

I am so angry about this!
Trevor has been clean for 4 months now. He got a job; got promoted to full time; went through the death of his best friend, and others too; had a seizure due to anti-depressant meds and is still waiting for a new script, (friday appointment); had a bad tooth that he had to wait over a month for a dentist who ended up pulling it anyway; and was just told yesterday by his boss that the party is over; the boss went under. On top of that, his dog is dying now.

Anyway, he asked me before to call my siblings and ask about going to Maine. I told him, at 27 yo, that he should take care of it. I had NO idea anyone would say "no." I called one brother who gave me such a **** and bull story that I am really mad! He said they're afraid Trev will steal something. It's a CABIN with basic necessities; nothing at all worth stealing! Then he said, Trevor will go to Maine to hide out if he begins to use again! DUH! A heroin addict driving SIX HOURS to use? Hell, when he's using, he gets his junk and nods. That's what heroin addicts do. He wouldn't even THINK of going to Maine; there's no dope there! (Well at least none that he's aware of!)

When I tried to talk, my brother talked over me. He wouldn't let me talk at all.
I told him, "FINE, it's YOUR house!" and hung up.

I emailed the three of them. And I told them to keep their house!
I told them I'd have NOTHING to do with it again.

I am soooo angry about this, I can't believe it! Nothing like "family" support, huh? And I mentioned that too -- about supporting someone who is doing the right thing. No, they kicked him when he's down, and I let them know that too.

I saw my counselor today and told her. She was amazed too at the lack of support and the BS of the excuses! ANd I've had it with them all. Not one of them EVER wrote Trevor a letter while he was in prison. None ever reached out to try to help him. HEll, the brother who gave me the bs excuses is Trevor's G*Dfather, and he's never given Trevor the time of day. So, honestly, I've had it. I don't care if I never see any of them again!

I just cannot get over it. No one has EVER been "refused" to go to the family vacation house....And as I pointed out to them, Trevor is NOT the only one with an addiction. My sister is a drunk! And she's part owner with the other two! The two guys are power and control addicts, to boot! Yet, Trevor's addiction is the only one deemed worthy of refusing to use the vacation home.

They can kiss my lily white *ss! I'm that pissed off and hurt.

Sorry this is so long. I'm just having a very bad day. Woke up crying and still doing so. I've had enough of them all.

My mom's coming home from the rehab tomorrow. She had knee replacement surgery. I won't go see her. I can't. I'm too upset over this whole thing.

Thanks mom and dad. Hope you're happy!
Thanks, siblings. Keep your f*cking vacation home in Maine!

Shalom!

pjbs55

Teach,
I am so sorry your family is not supporting either you or Trevor. Like the old saying goes you can choose your friends but are stuck with your family. I would be just as P*SSED as you are. Feel it, don't keep it in, since we don't want you to get sick from the anger or stress, then let it go. I agree you have every right to write them off, and tell them to kiss your a**.
My prayers are going out to you and Trevor
Extra hugs coming to you too

Jwife22

(((((teach))))) I'm sorry, family can be so cruel sometimes....

caileesnana

I'm sorry Trevor was hurt, you too. They are wrong and they will get theirs in one way or the other. I hope Trevor keeps his head up and moves on proving every one of them wrong. He is a better person than they are. You have every right to be mad and hurt.
susan

historyteach

Thank you for hearing my pain...
I know sometimes, my pain comes across as anger; and at times, the anger can mask the pain so others don't see it.
SR is a magical place. You see the pain even though the anger.
And you've never laid eyes on me...

I can't reach Trevor. His phone is out of daytime minutes. His father's phone is shut off now, cuz credit places were calling his father, looking for money.
His boss told him the shop is closed; the party's over.
I can only pray that he's ok right now...

Shalom!

caileesnana

Just reread your message...if your mom is still alive, there is time to fix her mess. She should tell the other a******that Trevor is family and is allowed there just as they are. In my opinion.
prayers for Trevor,
sa

Lobo

I remember my daughter telling me that it is the hardest thing when you ARE sober and trying and everyone still stays mad at you. She said it makes you want to give up. I know in our case, my sons are afraid to let their guard down because they don't want to get hurt again. This results in not supporting her when she is trying.

You are in a difficult situation and a lot of hurt feelings. Families are supposed to be there for each other through thick and thin. It breaks my heart.

Blessings coming your way............Lo

historyteach

Thanks for the message, Callies;
The cabin has been in their name for a few years now.
My mom has no legal rights at all, and it would only upset her more to have this be a problem. Although she's gonna be upset that I'm not there tomorrow, it'll be worse if I bring this up for her. I'm too upset to talk about it without crying....

Lobo, no one in my family has been hurt by Trevor. They've never done anything for him!
I guess it's just another unfulfilled expectation that family sticks up for and supports one another when we are doing the right thing...

I like what pjbs said:
They may always be my family, but, I decide whether to make them a part of my life. Today, I understand that.

And this too:
It's ok for me to feel this anger. But, I don't have to dwell on it after it's time.
I have a right to feel it.
And then, I need to let it go; give it to G*D. Then, it'll be alright.
Thanks for reminding me, pjbs!

Shalom!

Noah812

Teach I think the whole thing sounds screwed up. It could be that when others give up on people with problems, because of thier actions, they are not as willing to forgive and forget. If it was my xagf I would have no problems telling her to take a hike but if it was my nephew I would hope to be a better man and uncle about things. As far as your siblings doing this, it sounds to me like a power play. I have a long retired aunt with millions of dollars who is first to deny others enjoyment, property, vacations or whatever. Well once she sets her head to something that is wrong or right she will do anything to try and keep power and control of others happiness. I feel maybe your siblings should realise that thier good fortune should be shared not held over others heads. Now as far as your mom saying she ran out of time??? I dont understand, maybe i am not suppose to understand but......WHAT? Forgive me but unless some details were left out I have no idea what your mother was thinking? Even if it is to include you on the vacation house with the others. I guess your father has passed and you mom has given her possesions away while she is alive? I am really sorry this happened to you and I am confused as to waht it all means. Your mom, if she can, should straighten this out or give you a reason as to why this happened. I see it as a problem now but I feel when your mom passes you may regret not getting to know why she left you out of her will. Running out of time is not an answer as far as I am concerned...JMHO...Hang in there Teach

splendra

Oh (((((teach))))

Sorry dahlin...

I hear ya...my mom used to own several nice pieces of property all of which were sold at rock bottom prices to fund my brothers drug defense one was actually sold to fund a drug deal...my own brothers slipped me some kind of drug that totally incapacitated me and I ended up in a mental hospital over it so that they could do this deal without my interference.... my brother stole all my moms valuable jewelry that I was supposed to inherit...my mom has a house that she intends to leave to my sister and her son which my sister will probably sell and buy dope with the money before my mom is cold in the ground...in the mean time my mom has asked me to take I burial policy on her so that I can pay for her funeral...HA!!

I am with you screw the family...

BigSis

Ahhhh Teach, I know what happens to ME when the Mama Bear comes out.

Don't Mess with My Kids.


Period.

And I really don't care if they are addicts... because I KNOW it is a family disease. I KNOW there are other addicts and alcoholics in the tree. I've just been a little more open about it than other families. Any other folks pointing fingers have four of 'em pointing right back at themselves.

Sounds to me like you and Trevor are better off not going. Would be nice if you two could make a trip somewhere with just the 2 of ya... maybe someplace fun where family isn't.


((((lots of hugs))))

Jewelz

Teach I am sorry. i dont know what to say but to know that we are here for you and Trevor. Take it easy.... I am praying for Trevor that this don't hit him so hard and that he realizes that some people are just not so nice.

Hugs,
jewel

Spiritual Seeker

Sorry for your family disappointments...Thant's a big one. However, just to take another look at the issue IMHO It is Trevor's thing to deal with the "wreckage of his past" and it is gonna take more than 4 mos. Try not to own it as your own. I have an al-anon friend that I have allowed to stay in my house June + July and I had the boundary that her son (with 3 mos. of sobriet) was not allowed to stay here or visit w/o supervision. I don't know if he will relapse and it takes more than 3 mos for his addictive thinking to turn-around, so that is a boundary I was comfy with. Just like when my son was just out of rehab and he visited grandma, I advised her to lock up all her meds. It is just the reality. Can you let the relationship with his aunts + uncles be his own and your rel. w/ them be separate? It may ease some of your frustration. You've been through so much w/0 piling on. Take care, as anger is a tough one to work through.

cece1960

((((Teach))))
I can only imagine how this hit you. I'm like BigSis...don't LET Mamabear come out.

But that is my choice to support my kids in their struggles, in their successes and in their failures.
I may have to back off and let them learn...but the love and support never stopped...ever.

I can't ask my family to understand...they just couldn't if not put in the same circumstances.

But I have a feeling this is just the tip of the iceberg. It sounds like there's been hurt feelings in the past. Unfortunately, family or not, we can't always expect to be treated like we would treat others. Add money or assetts into that mix and it often magnifies bad behavior.

I hope you and Trevor can find away around the bad, and spend some time in good.
I know you're proud of him...so am I.
(((Hugs)))
Cece

Momsrainbow

Families can be horrible, nasty people!!!!!!! Hubby's were the worst after he went to prison and I would not help them financially. He came home-back the whole pack was wanting money-NOT!!!!!! The whole bunch of them do drugs or worse except for his brother. Now he is back with all those-who would not write him for 5 yrs. see him or accept calls-how strange!!!!! Could you not borrow a tent and head for the woods for a couple of days? Go to a beach and hang out. Just a day doing a fun thing might help. What goes around comes around (I firmly believe that & have seen it work) Just ignore your relatives-they cannot help it if they are non-caring, non-feeling people. You and Trevor stay safe. LOL

hope213

i am sorry for your pain also. my family supports me but has little use for my a.s. i only have 2 sisters left & my children as far family goes. they send him b-day days & a card at christmas but never ask about him.i do not understand your mom not giving the cabin to all of the family, not just a couple.i understand your pain.hugs & prayers

marle

Teach, Just want to let you know that I am sorry that things are the way they are with your family. I know from past posts that you really care about your mom. Keeping Trevor in my prayers so that even though one door is closing another will open for him soon. Remember this is wreckage from his using days. Something that he will have to understand and accept if he is to move forward. Hugs, Marle

Wascally Wabbit

((teach))
I know how that hurts. Several years ago, my best friend told me she didn't want my children coming to her house any more. They were fairly young, 12 and 10, but had gotten in trouble.
I felt so ashamed and hurt. I knew she was afraid one of them would steal something. It still hurts 15 years later. It hurts because I knew she had every reason to feel that way. I still talk to her, on the phone, but have never been back for a visit. It's like she told me she didn't want ME in her house. Thats how I felt anyway.
Its a shame that Trevor has tried so hard, and done well, and family has to be so selfish toward him. That's family for ya. I have a selfish sister and I couldn't ask her for a drop of water.
Maybe with time they will change their minds.
I am sorry Teach, that you have to go through something like this with family.

outonalimb

((((((Teach)))))

Ah yes, the MOMMA BEAR feeling.

I know it well.

I know how hurt you must feel. Wish I had some magic words to make you feel better. Please just know that I care and I really and truly hope that you and Trevor can rise above it all. The important thing is that Trevor is doing so well now. What a blessing! Stay focused on the positive...and don't let the turkeys get you down!!

Loving hugs...

Hangin' In

I understand the hurt and anger, too, Teach, cause I'm a mama. And hurt me all you want, but don't hurt my kids! Oh yes, how well I know.

I think Big Sis is right. Who would want to go and be around these family members anyway? I think you'd just be setting both Trevor and yourself up for more aggravation and opportunity for them to continue to judge Trevor. And I know, that doesn't make you feel any better. But it is what it is, as my sponsor always says. So what can you do today to try and move on and not let these family members continue to steal your peace and serenity?

I hope you can do that, Teach. Consider the source, those "earth people" family members who don't have a clue about addiction. And get back into today, focus on you and let the nasty acting folks have each other. Get you and Trevor out of the picture and I bet they'll go to tearing each other apart before long.

You hang in there.

Hugs,
Hangin' In