What a fool I've been
Tired Of Tears
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 24
What a fool I've been
Along time ago I entered these rooms one night when I truly was and the end of my ropes when I felt I just had no where to turn.I remember typing where does one go when dealing with a heroin addict.And it took me straight to S/R.And oh what a blessing it was to me.I became very strong and decided that the best thing for me to do was to end the insanity that comes with being the wife of an addict.I had my own place a great job I had everything in the world going for me and then my husband convinced me that he had changed and actually after three months I jumped right back in for round two of my marriage...I am so ashamed to say that I was a complete and utter fool because it didnt last and here I sit once again wondering how in the h*ll can I do this again..How do I tell my son that his father has once again turned to heroin how do I even begin to start this cycle again.What in the world was I thinking.So much for I am women hear me roar..His addiction has finally got me and I can truly say I am broken..
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Shelbi,
Don't be so hard on yourself. Many of us have done exactly the same thing.
Here is the silver lining for you: you know you can do it again, should you choose to. Your body and spirit remember that you freed yourself (and your child) once, which makes it that much easier to free yourself again, having proven to yourself you can do it.
You also now know that addict's promises are worth precisely squat.
You are ahead of where you were before, though it may not feel like it right now. Get a good night's sleep, put your addict husband in the hands of his HP, and start thinking about what you want to do for YOU. Your life is still wide open, and you have the power within you to do with it whatever you wish.
We are all with you
Hugs,
GiveLove
Don't be so hard on yourself. Many of us have done exactly the same thing.
Here is the silver lining for you: you know you can do it again, should you choose to. Your body and spirit remember that you freed yourself (and your child) once, which makes it that much easier to free yourself again, having proven to yourself you can do it.
You also now know that addict's promises are worth precisely squat.
You are ahead of where you were before, though it may not feel like it right now. Get a good night's sleep, put your addict husband in the hands of his HP, and start thinking about what you want to do for YOU. Your life is still wide open, and you have the power within you to do with it whatever you wish.
We are all with you
Hugs,
GiveLove
Get Caught Reading
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
Awwww, Shelbi.
Honey, your not broken. Just bruised up pretty bad.
I'm glad your reaching out for someone to talk to.
Have you been to any f2f meetings?
You've been so focused on him and his recovery, you've kinda got lost in the shuffle, huh?
It's not to late for you, Tore. It's really not.
You can start with the 3 c's. Remember?
1. You didn't cause it.
2. You can't control it.
3. You can't cure it.
Then, go back up and read those stickies again.
Get yourself outta the house for a while. See a movie, visit friends,
catch a meeting. lol
Go back and read "Codependent, No More."
Remember? You don't have to live codependently. You can turn your strength and focus within to you.
It just takes time.
Which brings me to the steps. You know those steps, right?
The ones that lead to a better place. A safer, saner, place.
The twelve steps to a better life.
Ya gotta get past that first one, though. Watch it! It's a doozie.
1. We admit that we are powerless over others. That our lives have become unmanageable.
Your there, am I right?
We're here for you. I'm glad your back, but so sorry for the reason.
You've been missed. So....
Pull up a chair, stay a while, and get started on YOU.
We love ya, Tore.
A couple of sites you might wanna check out....
http://relationshipweb.com/links/Rec..._Codependency/
http://www.mnwelldir.org/docs/mental...cy.htm#Healing
Sending thoughts and prayers out to you tonight,
Linda
Honey, your not broken. Just bruised up pretty bad.
I'm glad your reaching out for someone to talk to.
Have you been to any f2f meetings?
You've been so focused on him and his recovery, you've kinda got lost in the shuffle, huh?
It's not to late for you, Tore. It's really not.
You can start with the 3 c's. Remember?
1. You didn't cause it.
2. You can't control it.
3. You can't cure it.
Then, go back up and read those stickies again.
Get yourself outta the house for a while. See a movie, visit friends,
catch a meeting. lol
Go back and read "Codependent, No More."
Remember? You don't have to live codependently. You can turn your strength and focus within to you.
It just takes time.
Which brings me to the steps. You know those steps, right?
The ones that lead to a better place. A safer, saner, place.
The twelve steps to a better life.
Ya gotta get past that first one, though. Watch it! It's a doozie.
1. We admit that we are powerless over others. That our lives have become unmanageable.
Your there, am I right?
We're here for you. I'm glad your back, but so sorry for the reason.
You've been missed. So....
Pull up a chair, stay a while, and get started on YOU.
We love ya, Tore.
A couple of sites you might wanna check out....
http://relationshipweb.com/links/Rec..._Codependency/
http://www.mnwelldir.org/docs/mental...cy.htm#Healing
Sending thoughts and prayers out to you tonight,
Linda
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
You know what to do to get out cuz you've done it before. Your own signature byline says it all "MIRACLES HAPPEN TO THOSE WHO BELIEVE" Believe there is a better way and believe that you will get there. Come up with a plan bec it sounds like you are ready to move on. You deserve joy + peaceful home for you and your son.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: GO PENS
Posts: 1,151
(((((Shelbi)))))) I know it hurts, hon. I always ask myself how many more relapses I have left in me and I'm not the addict. You are not a complete fool for trying to make something work. You merely took a chance and gave it all you've got. Where there is life, there is hope. Let him find his own way.
Hugs and prayers............Lois
Hugs and prayers............Lois
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
No shame, Shelby, you thought he was clean and wanted what was best for you and your son. And this time around you have more tools, you are no longer wandering in the dark because we're all sharing our light until you find yours again.
I'm sorry it didn't work out, I can feel your pain in your words. Just know that we love you and care and we're walking with you.
Hugs
I'm sorry it didn't work out, I can feel your pain in your words. Just know that we love you and care and we're walking with you.
Hugs
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
I am sorry that you are having to deal with this again.
However, today you are wiser, you have tools in your box to work with, and you know how to use them. Put them back to use, and work yourself out of this cycle.
All too often we codies see a glimmer of hope and jump back in feet first, one of the hardest things to do is to keep our impulses under control, to give it a long period of time before we get totally involved again. I've been there, it has been very difficult for me to stop being so impulsive, but, I believe through acknowledging that this is a problem with me, I have pretty well conquered that demon.
Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move forward, that's really all you can do.
Keep posting, we are here for you.
However, today you are wiser, you have tools in your box to work with, and you know how to use them. Put them back to use, and work yourself out of this cycle.
All too often we codies see a glimmer of hope and jump back in feet first, one of the hardest things to do is to keep our impulses under control, to give it a long period of time before we get totally involved again. I've been there, it has been very difficult for me to stop being so impulsive, but, I believe through acknowledging that this is a problem with me, I have pretty well conquered that demon.
Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move forward, that's really all you can do.
Keep posting, we are here for you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Seeking Peace
Posts: 1,371
(((((((Shelbi))))))
I'm so sorry. I wish I could give you a big old hug in person right now because I too have gone back to my exah too many times to count because I wanted to give our son the type of family I thought he deserved. Please don't beat yourself up for believing the best about your husband. For whatever reason, you felt your marriage was worth another shot. You aren't the one who went back to drugs...you kept your end of the bargain...HE is the one who failed.
You might feel like you've gone back to square one but you haven't. You've had a taste of a 'better life'. You know how to get it back. Yes, it stinks that you have to go through all of this again but this time you're much stronger and wiser than you were the first time around. Everytime I went back to my ex, I learned something valuable. The last go-around (in March), I learned that whether my ex is clean again or not, I DO NOT want to live my life in the shadow of someone else's addiction. This was a very valuable lesson because, in the future, should my exah somehow miraculously find recovery, I know its still not enough. My plans in life are no longer conditioned upon his potential recovery.
Like Linda said, back to step one...turn your AH over to his HP and focus on you. Make a plan to get where you want to be. You'll get there, I have no doubt...And you have lots of people here who will share their light with you when you need it.
I'm so sorry. I wish I could give you a big old hug in person right now because I too have gone back to my exah too many times to count because I wanted to give our son the type of family I thought he deserved. Please don't beat yourself up for believing the best about your husband. For whatever reason, you felt your marriage was worth another shot. You aren't the one who went back to drugs...you kept your end of the bargain...HE is the one who failed.
You might feel like you've gone back to square one but you haven't. You've had a taste of a 'better life'. You know how to get it back. Yes, it stinks that you have to go through all of this again but this time you're much stronger and wiser than you were the first time around. Everytime I went back to my ex, I learned something valuable. The last go-around (in March), I learned that whether my ex is clean again or not, I DO NOT want to live my life in the shadow of someone else's addiction. This was a very valuable lesson because, in the future, should my exah somehow miraculously find recovery, I know its still not enough. My plans in life are no longer conditioned upon his potential recovery.
Like Linda said, back to step one...turn your AH over to his HP and focus on you. Make a plan to get where you want to be. You'll get there, I have no doubt...And you have lots of people here who will share their light with you when you need it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
i feel your pain. you are not alone.we are here for you. we are not strangers to you & you know we are here to walk thru this with you.you are not broken.he is the one who can not be fixed till he is ready & you know only he can do that. now is the time to start taking care of yourself again. there is alot of good post ahead of me.just keep coming back.i am saying a prayer for you,your husband & your son.hugs,
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Texarkana, Texas
Posts: 585
You are going to be OK; don'[t beat yourself up about it. At least you see what happened instead of being in denial, and you know what you can do: be happy and self-sufficient. Just take the steps you need to achieve that again.
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
((shelbi))
I wish it had turned out different. There is no shame for having tried. I would have. You are strong shelbi. You are not broken, just hurt. You can make it through this.
Love and Hugs
B
I wish it had turned out different. There is no shame for having tried. I would have. You are strong shelbi. You are not broken, just hurt. You can make it through this.
Love and Hugs
B
Thatswayworldgoesround
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Deep South
Posts: 105
Shelbi:
You are not alone, and you gave it another try. The insanity of addiction for those we love is that relapses happen and we have no control over that no matter how much we love them.
Please know you are cared for, that you are not alone. I guarantee you that most of us tried to live with or around the addict numerous times holding on to hope that "this time" things were different.
I've come to the conclusion that unless an addict is really working an active recovery program for themselves and getting some type of support that they probably won't make it, the disease is a tough one.
You need support too. You certainly have it here. I hope you find it elsewhere, too. Just get through today right now, sometimes one hour at a time
Love,
Bets
You are not alone, and you gave it another try. The insanity of addiction for those we love is that relapses happen and we have no control over that no matter how much we love them.
Please know you are cared for, that you are not alone. I guarantee you that most of us tried to live with or around the addict numerous times holding on to hope that "this time" things were different.
I've come to the conclusion that unless an addict is really working an active recovery program for themselves and getting some type of support that they probably won't make it, the disease is a tough one.
You need support too. You certainly have it here. I hope you find it elsewhere, too. Just get through today right now, sometimes one hour at a time
Love,
Bets
Tired Of Tears
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 24
Thank you all for your kind words,I tried for a good night sleep but that just didnt happen.I know the drill of this addiction and I really know what I have to do I just cant seem to move forward.This past week I was on vacation and did nothing.I could have and should have packed some stuff up but I truly truly just dont have it in me to do anything....My bedroom looks like a bomb went off my wash is piled up and I have to return to work tomorrow and to boot I have a terrible cold..And I forgot to mention in the midst of all this I had a total hysterectomy three months ago.So hot flashes have become my new best friend...LOL
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Edmonton AB
Posts: 285
Hang in there. You know differently now, and that is all that matters. The pain coming back in flashes, like a haunted memory for you must be hard. I am sending some strength. Take some time to figure your life out. What is your plan now that you are back in this situation?
(((Hugs)))
(((Hugs)))
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In the mountain air
Posts: 1,345
(((((((Shelbi))))))))
Welcome back (although I wish for different reasons.) I'm sorry you're going through this again, but I also know that you have some strong recovery to help you get through.
Love & Hugs,
Trisha
Welcome back (although I wish for different reasons.) I'm sorry you're going through this again, but I also know that you have some strong recovery to help you get through.
Love & Hugs,
Trisha
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
(((((Shelbi))))))
I'm sorry it didn't work out and sorry for the pain and struggle. You know what you have to do to pick yourself up and when you have the strength I know you will. Whether now or later, we are always here for you. Hugs and prayers
I'm sorry it didn't work out and sorry for the pain and struggle. You know what you have to do to pick yourself up and when you have the strength I know you will. Whether now or later, we are always here for you. Hugs and prayers
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
(((Shelbi))) Just as an addict can have a relapse and learn about what the trigger was, see clearly what he "should have done" and can make a plan for "next time".... so can we.
Relapse can be a part of recovery, when we learn from it.
I am so sorry you are hurting and send prayers for peace, and comfort and a good night's sleep.
(((hugs)))
Relapse can be a part of recovery, when we learn from it.
I am so sorry you are hurting and send prayers for peace, and comfort and a good night's sleep.
(((hugs)))
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: pa
Posts: 260
Shelbi,
I am right with you. My AH did it again too.... only this time he was living in a half way house and relapsed. Boy do I feel like an idiot believing him again (and again and again} Some people will never recover I am finally seeing that now. My heart aches for my kids who will never have the father I wanted them to have. Huge guilt with that thought. I have been working on my peace and strength, some days I feel I cannot keep going but I know I have to for these wonderful children and myself.... Wishing you much love and peace
I am right with you. My AH did it again too.... only this time he was living in a half way house and relapsed. Boy do I feel like an idiot believing him again (and again and again} Some people will never recover I am finally seeing that now. My heart aches for my kids who will never have the father I wanted them to have. Huge guilt with that thought. I have been working on my peace and strength, some days I feel I cannot keep going but I know I have to for these wonderful children and myself.... Wishing you much love and peace
'Round and 'Round I Go....
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 478
Shelbi....
Wouldn't you have wondered if it could've worked if you just gave it one more chance? Gave one more leap of faith into his sobriety.....
Now you can live without regrets in regards to your marriage. I know I would've wondered that's why I went through a series of throw him out...take him back....before I actually filed for a divorce. I believe sometimes when it comes to love and committment we have to exhaust it so much so that you can't turn back.
I'm really sorry it didn't work out for you and your family. It definitely is not an easy place to be when you have to make these decisions. Hoping you find your serenity.
Wouldn't you have wondered if it could've worked if you just gave it one more chance? Gave one more leap of faith into his sobriety.....
Now you can live without regrets in regards to your marriage. I know I would've wondered that's why I went through a series of throw him out...take him back....before I actually filed for a divorce. I believe sometimes when it comes to love and committment we have to exhaust it so much so that you can't turn back.
I'm really sorry it didn't work out for you and your family. It definitely is not an easy place to be when you have to make these decisions. Hoping you find your serenity.
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